Rant.I absolutely hate my little cousin

[egoeimai]

This pos, my little brat cousin. (18)What a pain she is?! Wtf seriously. 

She's annoying af. Can't describe. I'm thinking of expressing all of my emotions to her and never talk to her again. Ever. I absolutely hate her. There's no way to fix this. She's bragging every minute of her pathetic little life. Since the day she was born. I never felt such emotions for a person out there. In my whole life. Everything she does annoys me, irritates me or makes me cringe. I cannot stand this anymore. 

1.she is bragging all the time even for the smallest things in her life. 

2. Turning failures into successes. (NOT IN THIS POSITIVE OUTLOOK) Pretending she's happy with her life. She failed at final exams and she was crying all day. Two months later not only she is liking her new uni-life but also she pretends she is in- studying and caring for her studies. Two months earlier? She was super angry/sad for the particular studies. She was crying and saying she failed and failed and that she feels useless. But now she seems so happy and on top of that pretending she has an amazing successful uni life. 

3.bragging bragging bragging. Do you think that the smallest achievement in your life is worthy of bragging? No? Well she does. Pretending your life is amazing and on top of everyone's? That's  my annoying cousin and i hate her. 

4. She always seem to like arguing. She always wants to have the last word in a convo. That's super annoying. Always insists on having the right pov. She's giving u that bitch look. Hate her.

5.shes annoyingly competitive for the smallest non significant things 

6.she screams insecurity by all the above but I insist on hating her. She's a pos. 

7.she lways manages to be the center of attention even if we are a circle of 10+ people. Talking way too much about herself, sharing experiences, over exaggeration about things and drama is her best friend. Always catching attention and not failing at this. If 1% she doesn't get the attention, she is getting annoyed and leaves the room. 

I'm to the point everything she does annoys me. I try to be polite kind and a cool gal,but can't. 

All I want is to make her feel like she's nothing important than she thinks she is, make her feel like she's one of us. She thinks she is unique and I hate it. Hahaha on top of that she's making me and others feel bad about themselves in a way she only knows. 

So competitive. Omg. She wants to make you feel like trash about your life and own achievements. 

These are not in my imagination (other people have approved of that also) 

The thing is I want to speak up, talk about all that and tell her a final goodbye. I can't with her ego anymore. That's too much. And I can't let her live like she's everything and we all are trash. Either I let her know about all that and let her go or compete with the ego beast. 

 

[No Self]

Funnily enough, I have a 10 year old niece with some similar traits to those you describe, and I love her to bits.

It is very helpful to understand where this behaviour comes from. There are factors like a lack of life experience, broken families, feelings of unworthiness, being misguided by society (if I 'win', I will be worthy of love), questionable parenting, schoolyard bullying, etc. Supposedly my niece has some sort of ADHD going on as well. Arrogance and low self-esteem are merely opposite sides of the same coin of dysfunction.

Longer term, it is better to part company with someone rather than hate them, but the blessing is that something in you is being triggered that you can expose, explore and perhaps overcome. The trigger has to be caused by some sort of past trauma that carries a similar resonant frequency.

[aurum]

53 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

This pos, my little brat cousin. (18)What a pain she is?! Wtf seriously. 

She's annoying af. Can't describe. I'm thinking of expressing all of my emotions to her and never talk to her again. Ever. I absolutely hate her. There's no way to fix this. She's bragging every minute of her pathetic little life. Since the day she was born. I never felt such emotions for a person out there. In my whole life. Everything she does annoys me, irritates me or makes me cringe. I cannot stand this anymore. 

1.she is bragging all the time even for the smallest things in her life. 

2. Turning failures into successes. (NOT IN THIS POSITIVE OUTLOOK) Pretending she's happy with her life. She failed at final exams and she was crying all day. Two months later not only she is liking her new uni-life but also she pretends she is in- studying and caring for her studies. Two months earlier? She was super angry/sad for the particular studies. She was crying and saying she failed and failed and that she feels useless. But now she seems so happy and on top of that pretending she has an amazing successful uni life. 

3.bragging bragging bragging. Do you think that the smallest achievement in your life is worthy of bragging? No? Well she does. Pretending your life is amazing and on top of everyone's? That's  my annoying cousin and i hate her. 

4. She always seem to like arguing. She always wants to have the last word in a convo. That's super annoying. Always insists on having the right pov. She's giving u that bitch look. Hate her.

5.shes annoyingly competitive for the smallest non significant things 

6.she screams insecurity by all the above but I insist on hating her. She's a pos. 

7.she lways manages to be the center of attention even if we are a circle of 10+ people. Talking way too much about herself, sharing experiences, over exaggeration about things and drama is her best friend. Always catching attention and not failing at this. If 1% she doesn't get the attention, she is getting annoyed and leaves the room. 

I'm to the point everything she does annoys me. I try to be polite kind and a cool gal,but can't. 

All I want is to make her feel like she's nothing important than she thinks she is, make her feel like she's one of us. She thinks she is unique and I hate it. Hahaha on top of that she's making me and others feel bad about themselves in a way she only knows. 

So competitive. Omg. She wants to make you feel like trash about your life and own achievements. 

These are not in my imagination (other people have approved of that also) 

The thing is I want to speak up, talk about all that and tell her a final goodbye. I can't with her ego anymore. That's too much. And I can't let her live like she's everything and we all are trash. Either I let her know about all that and let her go or compete with the ego beast. 

 

Sounds awful.

How is she a mirror for your own trauma?

[egoeimai]

@No Self YES she has a broken family, lots of insecurities, yes questionable parenting etc etc 

What would u diagnose her with ? Adhd? Arrogance and low self esteem. Why is that? Is that common? 

I see there are many people with low self esteem and I get it. But what is that annoying combination with arrogance? Wtf and who is she trying to fool? 

What do you think is in me that triggers me so much other than low self esteem?

@aurum  I don't know, maybe help me to find out 

 

Edited November 1, 2020 by egoeimai

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai

From what I understand, your cousin is not raised properly. 

Some people unfortunately are raised in such a manner so as to believe that life is only valuable when you can brag about it. That's a very bad mentality. Such people tend to look down on others and find opportunity to brag about themselves. 

This psychology is a sign of deficiency. A deprivation. She is suffering from extremely deep deep Insecurities about life. This attitude of hers is very dangerous because she will never be happy in life.. In real life only humble people can be happy because they understand the ups and downs of life and accept the problematic nature of life and living. But people like your cousin are very immature and believe that life should be perfect. They can't take an imperfect life at all.. To compensate any feeling of insecurity or inner  tension, they use bragging as a cover, as a lid. By doing so, they derive comfort and security. They inherently think that by bragging to themselves and others, their life is perfect and thus they remain satisfied. Any challenge to their thinking will result in them suffering great distress. So if you told your cousin that her life is not perfect, she will get very upset and angry because thats like challenging her deeper Insecurities and she doesn't want to confront those 

Her arrogance is fake. With her arrogance she is trying to keep a lid or cover on her Insecurities. Deep down she wants to live away from reality 

She is unable to accept reality. Such people have a hard time dealing with life and they get very frustrated when bad things happen in life like job loss or relationship problems. They can't handle anything with maturity. 

Her real struggle will come when life will teach her lessons. That's when her mentality will be challenged.

Right now she feels on top of the world 

There is another reason why she tries to make you feel bad about your life. This is her inner brain trying to feel better by attacking you. Naturally confident people don't brag or attack others. Instead of being naturally confident, her source of confidence is coming from attacking you and others around you or her. This is her way of feeling good, a way of assuring herself that everything in her life is going cool. It's false way of feeling confident and secure 

She will continue to attack you or others because her brain has learned that the only way to feel better and confident is by making others feel bad about their lives. 

That's why she wants to treat everyone like Trash. It's a false method of self defense and self appraisal..by attacking others she feels like she is praising herself..

Such people are generally very negative deep down inside them. Their show of positivity or bragging is fake, inside they are empty. They need something to hold on to, to feel better. If she ever sees a very successful person around, she will also be very jealous. Because such deep insecurity breeds Jealousy 

Her state of mind and life won't be calm and happy unless she changes her attitude. Any happiness she will get will be very fake.

Such people are very difficult to change. In fact they rarely change. They stay that way their whole lives. But they suck other people's energy. They attack other people's positive and humble energy. 

So the more time you spend around her, the more you will be discouraged and depressed, because she will never change but she will keep treating you badly without realizing her bad behavior. 

The best option for you is to let her know that her behavior is very wrong and she needs to change. And you need to completely stop talking to her because she is destroying your positive energy. She will do the same thing to all others in her life. 

You have to completely leave your cousin and never talk to her again. That is only way of maintaining your positive energy and mental health. She will not make you feel better ever.she won't change. I have seen such people in my life. They don't change. In fact they keep hurting others and cause others to keep suffering. The only way to avoid such suffering is to completely avoid such people from stealing your energy. 

Your live your life happily and tell her straight that she is very arrogant and that you are not interested in talking to her 

 

[No Self]

@egoeimai I understand how frustrating it must be. The first thing is that it OK to distance yourself from her for a while.

In early childhood, an environment that is stable, affectionate and responsive to a child's needs leads to a sense of trust in the world and positive, secure relationships with others in later life (attachment theory). Such people as adults are easily able to form bonds, yet are not overly affected if a given relationship ends.

If things go pear-shaped, however, an individual can compensate for unfulfilling relationships with faux overconfidence (arrogance) or try and prove themselves worthy of love through being competitive. If the individual is manipulative, abusive and lacks empathy, it might start to enter the territory of narcissistic personality disorder. But this is not a diagnosis to treat lightly. Serial killers usually have it, and even in mild cases, they are absolute nightmares in any sort of relationship. There is no cure.

If you view her as someone wounded and in need of love, you might feel sympathy rather than anger. Also, if you can find someone self-centred and boastful who neglected you in childhood (a narcissistic parent?), then you can find the real source of the strong emotion. Healing is possible! You'll come to find the situation a blessing since it exposed this gremlin.

[egoeimai]

@Preety_Indiathank u so much. I will completely erase her from my life. I'm worthy of good people, kind, understanding. No need to be around her. I must let her go. First thing I will do is to block her from social media. Since she is so obsessed with media flexing her looks, it will destroy her me deleting her. That's the first step. Second step is I will be avoiding any contact with her such as meeting with my other cousins. I will particularly set meeting with others, even individually and the aim would be to not see her again. She is such a cancer that spreads and I have no time for her. I want to focus on my life and I want to improve myself and she is an obstacle standing in my way to my happy life. I'm super serious about it. I'm tired of these people who want to be the center of attention all the time. 

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai good. That's exactly what you should do! Cut her off from your life. 

 

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@egoeimai good. That's exactly what you should do! Cut her off from your life. 

 

Thank you preety. You've been very helpful. It was exactly what I needed to hear. You understand exactly the situation. I just blocked her from all social (Instagram and viber) and I already feel better. Next step is to avoid her physically when we are with other people (cousins etc). By blocking her from social media gives her the opportunity to not talk to me ever again, lol, so this makes it so much easier for me. Good job! Thank you ?

Ps I have blocked so many people this year. All toxic. This makes the year brighter even though it is a very difficult year for all of us ❤️

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai  keep doing it. Keep doing it. You deserve much better people in your life. You deserve respect, love and positive energy. 

You're on the right track. Keep blocking all negative toxic people. 

You'll feel like a huge burden is taken off your shoulders. You will feel free.

 

[egoeimai]

Just now, Preety_India said:

@egoeimai  keep doing it. Keep doing it. You deserve much better people in your life. You deserve respect, love and positive energy. 

You're on the right track. Keep blocking all negative toxic people. 

You'll feel like a huge burden is taken off your shoulders. You will feel free.

 

Exactly what I'm thinking. I deserve good people in my life. Otherwise I would keep them. But I recognize it. I do deserve better. I want to be treated equally. I don't want people that are shadowing my path.I want my path to be brighter. What's the point if I keep them in my life? What's the purpose if they make me feel unhappier? We have one life (even tho I believe we have more) but why not make the best of it? 

In the end, if I let them, I will not earn anything, only lose my precious time. 

[Preety_India]

47 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

In the end, if I let them, I will not earn anything, only lose my precious time. 

Exactly. It's a waste of precious time and energy that you can spend in keeping yourself happy and taking self care and in self development and in learning new things. Those people are a waste of useful time. 

[egoeimai]

25 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Exactly. It's a waste of precious time and energy that you can spend in keeping yourself happy and taking self care and in self development and in learning new things. Those people are a waste of useful time. 

 

[Raphael]

4 hours ago, egoeimai said:

What would u diagnose her with ?

Narcissism. But she had no choice as she grew up in a difficult environment.

I personally had a little of that too (but to a much less important degree) because of my dad. She need to become aware of her suffering and that she is how she is because of a toxic environment. She need to understand that we don't choose our families and that we naturally absorb what we get from our surrounding, therefore it means that she have to fix herself. It probably feel very unfair to her that people reject her because she had no luck in life. But that's how it is, some people start life from 0, others from -5, -10, and others from 2, 3, etc.

Concerning you, if you really cannot help her, just cut her. It's sad for her, but some people cannot be helped even if they are deeply suffering and want to be free of suffering.

[egoeimai]

@Raphael I just quoted you. Can't erase that now. I would like to say thank you to all members who took the time to reply to me. 

Anyways, @Raphael I wish I could help her but she doesn't accept help. Her attitude doesn't let you help her. Her idea of herself is something I can't cope with.

If she was a person that could at least see the problem, mmediately I would help. Anyways, as I'm moving far from her, I wish her to be free of her misery for her own life. As I won't be in hers. 

[Raphael]

@egoeimai  Yeah, cutting her looks like the only solution in this case.

[Byun Sean]

@egoeimai

Been here before. 

All of your judgements and criticisms you have of others cause you a massive amount of self-inflicted suffering because your mind has to hold you to the same standard it holds other people. 

The good news is you can take control of your own judgements and criticisms.

All of the qualities you hate about your cousin are actually qualities you have repressed within your own psyche because you fear becoming them yourself.

For instance if you hate her when she is acting insecure, 

deep down you fear becoming a version of yourself that is insecure because you cannot accept a hypothetical version yourself as insecure. Your mind then goes about developing a strategy so that you never appear insecure to yourself or other people because you cannot accept yourself being insecure.

The solution here is self love.

Make a list of all the things you hate about her.

She is insecure.

She is needy.

She is arrogant.

Then after you have this list, for each one find 3 ways you are the same way in your own life. Actually give an effort to find them.

 

After you've done that imagine yourself as being each of these qualities and ask yourself for your own permission to love that version of yourself.

Could I allow myself to love myself for being __________ (Insecure? Needy? Arrogant? Narcissistic?) etc.

 

After you ask yourself this question a space should open up inside of you allow yourself a choice to extend your sense of love toward that previously disowned sense of self. 

(You can answer yes and feel it).

Once you love all versions of yourself that had all the qualities you hated in your little cousin. You should be able to see her as she is.

 

Edited November 1, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai

This is what I wrote about toxic harmful people that is helping me. It's applicable to any situation, from family members, friend circles, relatives or romantic relationships. It's about people who treat you like trash or mistreat you and what to do about it. 

I hope it helps you. 

 

  

 

People who hurt others are predatory. They get the thrill out of hurting others. They like doing it because it makes them feel powerful, the more hurt they inflict the better, because the feeling of being powerful is very satisfying. 

When you realize that someone is hurting, whether it's a neighbor or a friend or a boyfriend /girlfriend, understand that such people are a huge waste of your time and you're putting your emotional resource at risk. You are simply allowing yourself to be attacked or mistreated and then healing will be a long road. So the best option is to immediately block people who are hurting you and avoid them forever. 

This way you save a lot of unnecessary time wastage, hurt and pain and damage and negative energy. 

This is the biggest lesson to learn while dealing with toxic individuals whether they appear in your family or in your romantic relationships, wherever such people exist, because they can do more harm, cut your losses, empower yourself, take the higher road and move on in life and live life full. 

Don't give such people the satisfaction that they are winning. Don't let yourself be at the mercy of their judgment. 

Immediately block all contact with such people, ghost them completely and move on and live your happy life. 

Your happiness is for you to claim. Take personal responsibility and ownership of your happiness and not let any moron ruin your happiness for you. Be strong and claim your life back from toxic abusive people and their delusional highness. The power belongs to you and only you and when you are riding the happy wave, nobody will ever be able to hurt you again. 

And never allow anyone to have emotional authority over you. Let them not have so much power over your emotions. 

Work hard on your healing and never allow such people in your life ever again. Learn the lesson and keep it. 

 

Edited November 4, 2020 by Preety_India

[egoeimai]

@Preety_India Yes, thank you preety. It absolutely helps! Ofc

It's that we need to realize that we're not rude or bad people for letting these people go! They're doing bad rather than good in our lives and our precious time. And of course healing is a long road so we should be thinking about this when communicating with a toxic person. I'm glad my cousin is sooooo egotistical that will not come back to me and make me suffer in her way. She values her miserable life and even then she thinks she will not waste her time getting me back in some way. I'm glad because I didn't want her attention or anything, I just wanted this to be over and slowly get her out of my life. And that's what I did. I feel better and that's only the beginning. Getting  her out of my life will remove most of my lowself esteem triggers that she provokes and a lot of other petty things like ego games. I'm so glad I will have the time to get my shit together and not having her ruining my progress. I really need to build my self esteem and slowly believe that I actually can do some things, and not having her compare all the time and make me feel less. Also, I'm so glad she will not sabotage my progress in any way because while I'm growing emotionally and mentally she will not be able to take away my happiness. Oh, poor her, she will realize she's not on top of the world!