Thanks crazy bald guy

[Daneel]

So I tried meditating about 20min per day as Leo suggested somewhere, and had a few insights into why I do things the way I do, not really looking for enlightenment just some peace of mind. After only about a week I had a sort of out-of-body experience.

The way I would describe it is, my sense of self was outside my head. I had extreme awareness of everything, heartbeat, bloodflow, skin sensation, my ego felt very small and pathetic, and it felt intensily real and true, and of course it was. Being a materialistic and not very spiritual person I was grateful I did not hallucinate anything or feel as if I was flying off to save the world. It was kinda cool, I did feel fear but thankfully another one of Leo's videos dealt with that beautifully.

Over the next few days, my ego or whatever was desperately trying to make sense of this experience, usually in religious terms and it felt as if my brain was getting some serious rewiring work done. I was just watching it thinking wtf is this idiot doing in my head? It didn't seem like I was going insane, more like the opposite.

I'm the type of guy who mostly lives inside my head, and I have a very good storyteller in there. It's never bothered me before but I would like to change that now. I have a very very different perspective on things.

[Carl-Richard]

If you want results real fast, go directly to that fear; investigate it, feel into it, surrender to it. It's not easy though.

[Daneel]

This morning I felt briefly like I was going insane, like nothing was real. I started touching things and telling my mind what was real and not. Until I realised that the feeling of what is real is itself not real. That seems to have solved the problem. I also get the feeling that I really should not have done this on my own.

[kag101]

12 hours ago, Daneel said:

This morning I felt briefly like I was going insane, like nothing was real. I started touching things and telling my mind what was real and not. Until I realised that the feeling of what is real is itself not real. That seems to have solved the problem. I also get the feeling that I really should not have done this on my own.

Be careful! I don't think what you're going through is healthy. 

[Carl-Richard]

37 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Be careful! I don't think what you're going through is healthy. 

?

[Daneel]

No shit. I really should not have done this on my own. But where do you get an emergency buddhist?

I seem to have my head back together for now.

[Carl-Richard]

5 minutes ago, Daneel said:

No shit. I really should not have done this on my own. But where do you get an emergency buddhist?

I seem to have my head back together for now.

Meeting up with a buddhist will only increase the intensity of the phenomenas you're experiencing. You either stop meditating and hang up the phone, or you take the plunge and never look back. It looks like you would benefit from more non-mystical types of self-help.

[Lews Therin]

I would suggest listening to Alan Watts a lot. During the beggining of my spiritual journey i thought a few times i was losing my mind, his words and his voice used to calm me down.

[Carl-Richard]

29 minutes ago, Lews Therin said:

I would suggest listening to Alan Watts a lot. During the beggining of my spiritual journey i thought a few times i was losing my mind, his words and his voice used to calm me down.

He actually made me lose my mind, but of course that's relative. At the end of the day, you'll have to come to terms with the impermanence of your own existence. Whatever you do, you're going to disappear, and you can't stop it. It's true for everybody.

All these worries you have about going insane, all this confusion about knowing what is real or not, is nothing else than survival mechanisms for your limited identity: your identity as a human being, as a lawful citizen, as a son, a father, a mother, a brother. When your time on earth is up, you'll have to get rid of that identity and reclaim your infinite identity as God.

If you want to take that process into your own hands, and if you want to be in control of it rather than being forced into it at the end of your life, consider this path. Accept death, accept non-existence, accept unreality, accept insanity, accept loneliness, accept alienation, accept failure. Surrender to all pain, surrender to all fear, surrender to Love. Give everything to Love.

Edited October 31, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[Elham]

On 10/30/2020 at 4:13 AM, Carl-Richard said:

If you want results real fast, go directly to that fear; investigate it, feel into it, surrender to it. It's not easy though.

May I ask what do you mean?

[Nahm]

On 10/29/2020 at 5:03 PM, Daneel said:

So I tried meditating about 20min per day as Leo suggested somewhere, and had a few insights into why I do things the way I do, not really looking for enlightenment just some peace of mind. After only about a week I had a sort of out-of-body experience.

The way I would describe it is, my sense of self was outside my head. I had extreme awareness of everything, heartbeat, bloodflow, skin sensation, my ego felt very small and pathetic, and it felt intensily real and true, and of course it was. Being a materialistic and not very spiritual person I was grateful I did not hallucinate anything or feel as if I was flying off to save the world. It was kinda cool, I did feel fear but thankfully another one of Leo's videos dealt with that beautifully.

Over the next few days, my ego or whatever was desperately trying to make sense of this experience, usually in religious terms and it felt as if my brain was getting some serious rewiring work done. I was just watching it thinking wtf is this idiot doing in my head? It didn't seem like I was going insane, more like the opposite.

I'm the type of guy who mostly lives inside my head, and I have a very good storyteller in there. It's never bothered me before but I would like to change that now. I have a very very different perspective on things.

Let the thought of the story teller go, and look at this story you are being. It’s wonderfull. 

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Elham said:

May I ask what do you mean?

If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you'll run into the fear of death/non-existence. That is simply what happens when your internal narrative shuts down. When that happens, it gives you an oppurtunity to surrender to it. What you usually do is avert your eyes from the fear and contract back into the small self, and this kickstarts the internal narrative again. But you'll also feel a contradictory feeling that pulls you in towards surrender. Identify that force and follow it, but this takes more courage and trust than you've ever had in your entire life.

[universe]

On 30.10.2020 at 11:50 AM, Daneel said:

I also get the feeling that I really should not have done this on my own.

Why not? Really there is no other way.

You said it felt like you are becoming sane. It's the process of letting go of your storyteller-self. You have nothing to lose. And trust me, that guy will be coming back no matter what

Now, if you would have taken some psychedelics then it can be a good idea to have someone with you. But from meditation. I would say you can take some fear ❤️

[Arcangelo]

I too saw results about a week in. I had realizations like Nothingness = Wholeness and had a paradigm shift.

 

Arc

[Daneel]

At some point it felt like every cell in my body was having an orgasm. I thought you would have needed drugs for something like this, but no.

[Daneel]

On 2020-11-01 at 3:51 PM, Carl-Richard said:

If you meditate deeply, sooner or later you'll run into the fear of death/non-existence. That is simply what happens when your internal narrative shuts down. When that happens, it gives you an oppurtunity to surrender to it. What you usually do is avert your eyes from the fear and contract back into the small self, and this kickstarts the internal narrative again. But you'll also feel a contradictory feeling that pulls you in towards surrender. Identify that force and follow it, but this takes more courage and trust than you've ever had in your entire life.

That force would be the "light" in "enlightenment" yeah. My not very spiritual mind had some issues dealing with ideas like this. I remember one description of it as (don't know if this was from Leo) that it's the feeling we all have as children, that eventually gets covered up as our ego develops and we forget about it. That's a pseudo-scientific explanation for it that my mind could more easily accept.

I like this light and would like to keep it.

[Carl-Richard]

53 minutes ago, Daneel said:

I remember one description of it as (don't know if this was from Leo) that it's the feeling we all have as children, that eventually gets covered up as our ego develops and we forget about it.

It's exactly like that. It's the ultimate feeling of nostalgia. It's the most familiar thing you've ever known. It's you.

Edited November 3, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[kag101]

 

On 11/3/2020 at 2:09 PM, Daneel said:

I remember one description of it as (don't know if this was from Leo) that it's the feeling we all have as children, that eventually gets covered up as our ego develops and we forget about it

Do you have emotional childhood trauma? 

[AtheisticNonduality]

Depersonalization/derealization is the first step to overcome once you stumble on basic insights. Spirituality cures it.

[Daneel]

3 hours ago, kag101 said:

 

Do you have emotional childhood trauma? 

I don't think so, but I was kinda odd since I was born. Didn't want to play with other kids, and that never really changed. It's not that I disliked people, I just never liked dealing with people, and that's not a new insight. Always found it difficult to express myself or figure out what I feel about something. Mostly felt that people were fake or incomprehensible.

At least that last part makes a lot more sense now.

Edited November 6, 2020 by Daneel