How do I know what my core sexual essence is?

[Lieseluke]

I have currently read "Dear Lover - A Woman's Guide to Men, Sex and Love's deepest Bliss" by David Deida and I am now reading "The way of the superior man" (also by David Deida) and I am quite confused at the moment because the topic of how I see myself and whether I feel (want to feel) more feminine or masculine has been challenging for me for some time now.

My main confusion regards the following questions:

• Can I differentiate between a masculine and feminine approach to finding a life purpose? Is the mere striving for life purpose rather a masculine or feminine phenomenon? (David Deida writes that for someone with a masculine essence it is most important to find and work towards their own unique purpose or mission while for people with a stronger feminine essence the flow of love is most important)
   

• How can I combine embodying femininity (and valuing highly love and a romantic relationship) and still working towards a life purpose, towards something greater (with masculine direction)? 
   
• How do I find out whether my core essence is rather masculine or feminine? Do they have certain "feels" to them?
   
• If looking at low-conscious and high-conscious people: How would the expression of feminine energy differ between women of different development? How can I healthily express more feminine energy?

If you have any advice or personal insights, they would be much appreciated.

Edited October 29, 2020 by Lieseluke

[Superfluo]

I'd add another question: how to know when you have found your true core, given that you could be suppressing it, away from your sight? In other words how to know if you're lying to yourself without being aware of it? What if you're not really acknowledging yourself?

I (male) personally am more feminine than most men I see in my city (at least from what I see, maybe they are withholding their feminine side because of fear). But I understand that my feminine side appeared as a reaction to my masculinity being wounded. I think this is the case because when I'm intimate with women my masculinity awakens and I feel more authentic.