Judgment and Love

[EmJay]

Why do we feel so happy and in love on the first part of a relationship?

It is because they look good, and our mind distorts (what we think of as) "reality" into thinking that just because someone looks good, he/she is perfect.

 

If you ever wanna get back that feeling of deep love towards your long term partner, then just do the following: be in the moment, let go as much as you can of your ideas towards this person, let go of their past from what you've seen or heard, and their future from what you have constructed.

This comes back to the original idea of how judgment ruins happiness and so, of course, love.

Have you ever wondered why drunk boyfriends turn loving and "cute" all of a sudden? It's because being drunk is linked with poor judgment.

 

In the long run. Only when, we stop judging , accept their "flaws" with love (NOT tolerating), and become excited about their differences. Only then, we can truly have that deep sense of love for someone.

 

If we go deeper:

The paradox our mind plays on itself is: when we meet someone new we think of them as perfect, assuming they have no "flaws". Now once we know their "flaws", we stop thinking of them as perfect. However, in Reality they are still perfect, everyone is perfect, I mean after all, who are we to judge.

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In middle school, I used to have crushes on girls I don’t even know.

I thought I'm dumb for being that way.

But now I realize why this makes so much sense.

The more you know someone the more ideas and judgements you'll have towards them (possibly), and so, the more you'll hate them. This has to be one of the reasons why not many people succeed with long term relationships.

Same goes for the opposite, I just liked how a girl looked, and thought to myself she's perfect.

 

P.S.  This is my first time posting, I'm happy to join the community

[JosephKnecht]

18 hours ago, EmJay said:

Why do we feel so happy and in love on the first part of a relationship?

Because it feels good to have your love returned to you by someone that you perceive more perfect than yourself. Their perfection is perceived by you, but the more you get to know that person, the more it changes your perception about their perfection. After a while, you learn that that person is just as flawed as you are.

If you fell in love with their perceived perfection, when your perfection fades and your perception changes, your love is also gone.

18 hours ago, EmJay said:

The paradox our mind plays on itself is: when we meet someone new we think of them as perfect, assuming they have no "flaws". Now once we know their "flaws", we stop thinking of them as perfect. However, in Reality they are still perfect, everyone is perfect, I mean after all, who are we to judge.

 

If you truly love a person, you will have to love them because of their flows, not their perceived perfection. Humans are and will be forever flowed. Only God is and will be forever perfect. 

Humans always fall out of love because at their core they always seek the infinite love that only God can give. Only God can give perfect love.  

Welcome to the forum.