Help Family Member Awaken

[Pilgrim]

Hey there! 

I am currently living with a family member of mine and he has a very unhealthy ego. I want to help him with his growth because it is obvious he needs to change something. This cannot lead to anything other than pain. So I am wondering: How can I do this? 

I think he first needs to start cultivating a healthy ego structure.. there are so many problems, I really don't know how to start. There is only very little self-awareness and little capacity for empathy. On the plus side, he is a somewhat open person. He is open to trying new things, I just don't know where and how to start.. I know ultimately I cannot do that much, I can only plant seeds here and there and that's it. It's his journey and it will take as long as it takes.. but I still want to do my best to create circumstances where it's more likely for him to grow. I am trying my best to always be compassionate and honour his process, he is where he is and that's okay. But I think I really want to start with helping him improve his empathy. To understand that many perspectives can be true at the same time, there is no right or wrong; it's all a matter of perspective. Help him understand other perspectives better, help him understand where they are coming from. 

Also he seriously needs some self-love. How can I help someone else cultivating self-love? 

And where would you start if you were in my position? What could be a good eye opener to understand different perspectives? 

I feel like I am really getting myself into something! I know I cannot be attached to any outcome and I am not! But I know, I just have to try. 

Thanks a lot for any advice!! 

[Pilgrim]

For instance if anybody knows good ancient tales or parables that teach different perspectives and how they can all simultaneously be true I would be very grateful for that! 

Edited October 26, 2020 by Pilgrim

[King Merk]

Start by loving him to the highest degree possible. Ask occasional questions that will facilitate self reflection and continue working on yourself. 

I've found the greatest way to facilitate change in others is by changing myself. Keep focusing on you. 

[Pilgrim]

25 minutes ago, King Merk said:

Ask occasional questions that will facilitate self reflection

What kind of questions would that be? Can you give me concrete examples? Thank you so much!! 

And yes I agree.. being a good example and working on myself is one of the best things I can do. 

[ivory]

@Pilgrim I'm not sure I'd help him with empathy or in embracing other perspectives. Empathy and open-mindedness tend to blossom when you there's sufficient self-acceptance. It's hard to say how you can actually help, but I'd try to help alleviate some of his self-judgements and get him to recognize his own self-worth. Be vulnerable with him and shed some light on his positive qualities.

[King Merk]

@Pilgrim genuinely inquire about their position in life. It has to be deeper than "how was your day?"

Just some throw away examples, if they say they've been feeling stressed at work ask, "what does that stress feel?". Or if they say they're pissed off ask them where they're experiencing that anger in their body. 

It's all about being genuinely curious as to where they are in life and what they're experiencing. Invite them to go deeper than their norm. Your curiosity will help them introspect to a higher degree and do the self exploration work required to develop a healthier ego/understanding of self. 

[SoonHei]

5 hours ago, King Merk said:

I've found the greatest way to facilitate change in others is by changing myself. Keep focusing on you

100%

@Pilgrim it is really all about you. yes, the tendency to share and spread via words/concepts is strong.

but you will find that most aren't interested as you were/are about this topic.

it's as if a family member of yours discovers the pleasure of sewing clothes and is asking you to join and discover this art. to THEM, it is the most amazing thing in the world, but to you, it's blah - it's whatever.

same deal here with non-duality/spirituality - it is likely whatever/blah to your family members. 

 

yet, you find yourself in a situation where you have discovered a huge gold mine and have much more than you need for yourself alone, so you want to spread it.

 

the best way as @King Merk said, is to focus on yourself. what works best is leading with example. say you discovered some business idea which sounds and seems wonky, but you know it works... you explaining this idea to family members and friends will only get laughs/jokes, so instead you dive into it yourself and when they see all the success in money/cars/home/whatever that you get from doing this business idea, they themselves will be drawn to you, to ask, to know - their cups will be empty, so you can fill them with the knowledge then.

to approach now, will not lead much. become a light yourself and they will be draw to you like moths of flame. to soak in your warm rays of light.

and most powerful work happens in your presence also. once you have become a magnet, the others around you who are simply iron will, overtime, rub up off against you and become magnets themselves.

 

all in all, case by case deal with this family members awaken deal - but you will find that's how it plays out. 

awakening/spirituality is an acquire taste