Depression

[Trevor Herrick]

Hello ladies and gentlemen of actualized.org,

I want to know if anyone is experiencing a big depression in their lives right now because I know I have been depressed since I was very young, in elementary school. This has affected my for my entire life until this point, especially the actions I make to sabotage my self from learning which the depression may be an act of. I have enough doubt in my mind to stop me from learning about my self and what I do not know that I do not know because I do not often use my active memory or listening skill. It is extremely difficult to do that because of the darkness cloud and static that pollute my visual field almost every day of my life until a few days in august come around. I also start to drink in August because I realize the difference between what is true clarity and true depression; the difference is extreme. I need relief but I know I did not do as well as I could have in school, this may be because I was focused on causing turbulence in the lives of both my mother and father since I was able to read. This time could have been in preschool or even later into my childhood but I did this because they were not living together. I watched my father start a new relationship with another woman instead of my mother at his apartment and my mom has always lived in the same house. So I do not know when I started to slack in my education and I could have to start over as early as first grade if I really haven't learned enough to relieve my doubt about speaking to anyone; I am now 20 years old and completely alone except for my mother who reflects my self image. I know I do not make sense and considering what my relationship with my mom reflects, I am still a child but a legal adult. Did anyone else decide to stop themselves with dreaming by using fear? I know almost all of the action I made from my very early childhood until this time in my life has been made in order to make them both seem stupid but those people also effect my reactions. How to get out of this mess? Where do I begin? Even my high school education was not as good as it could have been.

[philosogi]

@Trevor Herrick Hang in there. You want to change things, and the fact you're here shows you have a level of self-awareness, which is a headstart in this battle. Many people don't have this self-awareness. It's a great tool that will help you as time goes on.

Maybe a good place to start is to seek a relational therapist. I started seeing one about a year ago, and the coaching and perspective they provided was a great start. And actualized.org is a great continuation. 

Check out Mazlow's Hierarchy for life priorities too!

[Sen]

@Trevor Herrick Hi Trevor, Depression is created by a negative self image and in order to escape it you need to develop a positive self image. The very short version is that there is a chain event>though>emotion>action that is in your power to control. If you have a negative self image you will have negative thoughts that will assign a negative meaning to an event and you will create negative emotions like depression. Now you need to work on that self image and transform it in a positive one. This change will take some time to implement but it is the best investment that you can make for yourself, better then winning the lottery :). Leo has some powerful videos where he explains how self image works and how emotions get created so you can start there. 

[Capethaz]

@Trevor Herrick First of all you have to take responsability for what is happening to you. This is essential and the most difficult thing that you'll do. Realize that no one can help you. But when you realize this, things are going to get better.

[Genghis Khan001]

 

@Trevor Herrick Seems like the darkness as I like to call it has you in a  bit of a haze. I started getting out of my haze by questioning every little aspect of the darkness and depression. Why do i feel this way, what does it mean to me, pretty much question the hell out of why you are in this sort of haze. After questioning it you have to know its your responsibility like in the aforementioned comments. You have to start by understanding and confronting this issue over and over again because the more you do that the more you see how this issue influences you. As for school who cares you are 20 years old and have all the time to make up for any bad grades. Community college is a great place to start and get your grades up. It doesn't sound glamorous but i found it to be a great start in order to seek higher education. Step out of that comfort zone or current reality and hopefully you'll find some answers. One last point, work on loving yourself despite all these flaws you may see, your past made you who are are, and you deserve to own it happily. Hope I was of some help, good luck.

[John]

@Trevor Herrick  I began to experience Depression around 19 or 20 so to hear that you have had to deal with it from such a young age is tough. That is a really tough hand to be dealt, so the fact that you are here, and on this website, is huge. Well done man.

I really mean that. I can't imagine where I would be without some of the more positive experiences of my childhood.. they have given me something to hold on to. But it sounds like you hardly even have that much. So if possible, try and take a moment to feel compassion for yourself. Maybe even congratulate yourself on getting to this point. Something in you is very strong for getting here, so trust that strength.

@philosogi's advice is really good here. It might be worth looking into some sort of therapy. If you can find someone in your area who is fully qualified, referenced and experienced, give them a go. Be fully open and honest with them about your struggles and see where it leads you.

All the best brother!

[30secs]

On 8/29/2016 at 10:36 PM, Trevor Herrick said:

Where do I begin?

NOW!

I dont want to use many inspiring lovely quotes, but you gonna fight man!, be brave, use all your sort of resources and face the challenge alone.