Height insecurity hurting my dating self esteem

[Karmadhi]

Hey guys, so i am a short guy, around 172 cm (5.75 feet) living in a country with very tall people. It has made me super insecure about my height especially regarding girls since almost 2/3 of girls here are a bit taller than me. I would say only like 25 percent of girls would be a little shorter than me (2-3cm) or legit shorter than me. On top of that the guys themselves are quite good looking compared to me and the girls tend to go for taller guys so i am in a difficult spot either way. The thing that makes me most insecure is that like 75 percent of girls i cant even consider dating since here culturally it is unacceptable for a girl to consider dating a guy shorter than her. It really hurts my self esteem. I try lifting and being fit and shit but still my height does not change obviously. I know you gonna say "just game good game bro" and that other stuff but that only works for the girls that would even consider dating me which are like 20 percent of all girls. Also even those have me as less of a preference since they can just pick the tall guys, especially if the short girl is somewhat pretty. Any help or advice please? (moving out of the country is not an option btw), i am around 20 years old

Edited October 26, 2020 by Karmadhi

[ivory]

@Karmadhi First of all, you need to get to a point where your thoughts don't limit the pursuit of your desires. "guys themselves are quite good looking compared to me", "culturally it is unacceptable for a girl to consider dating a guy shorter than her". Ignore those thoughts and take action anyways. It's true that some women are attracted to taller guys but it's not true for all women; and 5.75 feet isn't terribly short.

How often do you pursue girls that you are attracted to? I think you need to get out there more and start disproving these limiting beliefs. You may get rejected from time to time but we all do. Develop tough skin and become the most persistent and successful 5.75 foot guy in your city.

[March]

Hey, first of all, I'm around the same height as you and that's not really that short.

Now, consider this guy as a good role model - someone who is very short (132cm), but gets lot of girls, very smart, and spiral dynamics role model (stage yellow).

Breaking cultural norms is a sexy thing.

[Arcangelo]

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

which are like 20 percent of all girls

That's a lot of girls lucky you.

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I know you gonna say "just accept yourself bro"

FYP

[Karmadhi]

@ivory You are right and thank you. But it is just painful when you see a really cute girl but you cannot approach her because she is taller than you. I said around 1/5 girl is around my height or shorter so i can actually approach her. Maybe i could attract a girl that is taller than me but that is like winning the lottary so not really worth trying unless i just want to improve my skills

[LeoX8]

@Karmadhi Well if you close both the doors on improving your game and moving away from your country you can:

a. start going with other men

b. choose between game or country

ok I'm kidding. If I were you I would try to improve my self confidence as high as a skyscraper and go for it. It doesn't mean shit if you just generalize with "in our culture girls don't date shorter guys", onestly it sounds as an excuse. 

I know I am sounding a little aggressive but I want this to be really clear: don't limit yourself and your capacities as an attractive man.

You can certanly seduce and f**k a taller woman trust me, but at the beginning I suggets to start with smaller ones to build up some confidence. 

Last point: have so much fun that you won't regret anything. This is the thing that made me at least some good with women and I don't regret anything that I made. 

Don't limit yourself and have fun

hope that this has helped<3

[Breakingthewall]

14 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

75 percent of girls i cant even consider dating

Good. You removed 75% of stupids of your list. The bad news is that are still another 24 % of stupids

[aurum]

15 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

Hey guys, so i am a short guy, around 172 cm (5.75 feet) living in a country with very tall people. It has made me super insecure about my height especially regarding girls since almost 2/3 of girls here are a bit taller than me. I would say only like 25 percent of girls would be a little shorter than me (2-3cm) or legit shorter than me. On top of that the guys themselves are quite good looking compared to me and the girls tend to go for taller guys so i am in a difficult spot either way. The thing that makes me most insecure is that like 75 percent of girls i cant even consider dating since here culturally it is unacceptable for a girl to consider dating a guy shorter than her. It really hurts my self esteem. I try lifting and being fit and shit but still my height does not change obviously. I know you gonna say "just game good game bro" and that other stuff but that only works for the girls that would even consider dating me which are like 20 percent of all girls. Also even those have me as less of a preference since they can just pick the tall guys, especially if the short girl is somewhat pretty. Any help or advice please? (moving out of the country is not an option btw), i am around 20 years old

I'm basically your exact height. The girls can't be that much taller where you are than where I am. I won't say there aren't girls who won't date me because of my height, but really, how many girls do you need to like you?

The last girl I dated only liked shorter guys. That was her type. How come I was able to find her? It wasn't luck.

Trust the universe and believe in yourself man. I know it's easier said than done but that's what always works for me.

[Byun Sean]

@Karmadhi

Lets face it.

You cannot control your height very much at this point.

I recommend working on your personality. Confidence, humor, social skills, etc.

 

I see so many guys make this mistake. We think because we are attracted largely to a girl's looks that they care about a guy's looks just as much.

Not true at all. A girl can be instantly turned off by the hottest looking guys if they realize he has a garbage character. (Depends on the quality/ self esteem of the girl of course).

But a girl can get extremely wet for a guy most would consider average looking or short or whatever if he has a banger personality.

Girls are attracted mainly to hot personalities. 

This is why there is a whole field of personal development for men which focuses completely on how to get better with women. It's 99 percent inner game.

 

 

[meadow]

Self acceptance is the key here buddy. Do things you are proud of and interested in, and the rest has a bigger chance of coming into place. 

[flowboy]

@Karmadhi Having these victim stories in your head is the real problem, not your height. To get rid of these thoughts, overwhelm the thinking mind by taking massive action.

How often do you approach girls?

 

[Karmadhi]

Guys i am not saying a normal girl will pick a taller guy rather than me. I am saying girls taller than me will not date me and that is due to heavy cultural and biological reasons. It is not that a i see a cute girl and i cant talk to her because she will pick the taller guy, not at all. I see people saying that guys project their desire for looks on the girls when girls care about personality. Guys do not give a single shit about girl height. There is no projection here, i am not complaining about my face or anything like that. Caring about height is a purely feminine trait that guys do not have. If you guys knew a girl that cared about height and ended up being with a guy SHORTER than her than you can share. My only hope is to focus on the 20 percent of girls shorter or my height by taking to a lot of them or getting lucky with 1/200 girls taller than me that does not care about height. 

[Karmadhi]

@aurum I am 172 cm in a country where average height of girls my age is around 175 so yeah.

[Karmadhi]

@Byun Sean This is bunch of biased bs tbh. It is true that a good personality can attract a girl but saying that girl is not attracted by looks is ignoring reality. I know guys that get girls attracted to them JUST by the way they look. Now if the good looking guy had trash personality the girl would be turned off for sure but tbh most guys don't have such bad personalities to turn a girl off if she is attracted by guy looks. I'm not saying u have to be good looking necessarily to get something but ignoring it's value is what i don't agree with. It is like saying: you can either pass a test without studying because you are very smart or you can study a lot and pass it. Both ways of passing the test work, same here. You can attract a girl either by being good looking in her eyes or by personality. 

[Byun Sean]

5 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Byun Sean This is bunch of biased bs tbh. It is true that a good personality can attract a girl but saying that girl is not attracted by looks is ignoring reality. I know guys that get girls attracted to them JUST by the way they look. Now if the good looking guy had trash personality the girl would be turned off for sure but tbh most guys don't have such bad personalities to turn a girl off if she is attracted by guy looks. I'm not saying u have to be good looking necessarily to get something but ignoring it's value is what i don't agree with. It is like saying: you can either pass a test without studying because you are very smart or you can study a lot and pass it. Both ways of passing the test work, same here. You can attract a girl either by being good looking in her eyes or by personality. 

Yes looks matter for sure. Just not nearly as much as you think they do. 

But lets pretend for a moment looks are the biggest factor for attracting a girl.

We still can only take our looks so far. So If you say you don't like the way you look you have 1 of two options.

1. You try to improve your outfits/ workout at the gym etc improve your looks as much as you can.

2. You learn to love the way you look as you are and improve other aspects of how you are presenting yourself if you don't like the results you are getting.

 

This is not biased bs. I am saying this because I have direct experience of becoming a more attractive man purely through improving my personality with a few changes to my looks but not much at all just a few outfit changes.

You can either blame women for the results you are getting or you can take full responsibility for your results and maximize your odds. The choice is yours.

[Karmadhi]

@Byun Sean By biased bs i mean when you say i did this so it works. My language was a bit off there and i apologise. I am sure that working on your personality helps and that is what i will do, it is just when people say looks dont matter that i get a bit pissed because my life experience has shown me otherwise. As i said,  if i was born next day as a model i could get girls by just existing. If i get a great personality i can also get girls. Both ways work just fine. Now, i cant do the first so i will focus on the second. It is just that some messages here make it seem like only the second works when actually both work but only the second one is actually doable. Now could you please tell me how can i attract a girl taller than me? Did you ever attract a girl taller than yourself? Even if you did not, what exactly did you improve personality wise outside the typical be more funny, less needy more confident etc. 

 

And btw i have maximized my looks and face wise i am not bad at all (often called cute)

Edited October 27, 2020 by Karmadhi

[JosephKnecht]

Height is not a valid excuse. This guy is barely 5 feet tall, but he owns the fact that he is short and that makes him self-confident. Be like that guy. 

You have to own who you are. You are not the tallest guy in the country, but don't let the height affect your esteem. Own your height, joke about it, and get over it.

Only insecure girls prefer taller guys because they think taller guys can offer them more physical security and protection. Find girls that are secure in themselves and are not affected by your height. I have dated girls that were taller than me, so there are out there.  

[Byun Sean]

@Karmadhi

25 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Did you ever attract a girl taller than yourself?

Well no I have never really attracted a girl taller than me because I am usually more attracted to short girls. But if I wanted to the way I would would be the same. The only way it would be different would be if I got insecure about my height which I am not.

 

25 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

what exactly did you improve personality wise outside the typical be more funny, less needy more confident etc.

Meditation/ consciousness work helped me a lot. Made me more relaxed, confident, emotional, spontaneous, humorous etc. Put me in the moment more.

In fact I never really had a focus of attracting girls as one of my big goals in life at all. Becoming a more attractive man was a major side benefit to my spiritual practices.

 

I also did various kinds of shadow work, emotional releasing, digging up my limiting beliefs and questioning them, a lot of contemplation/ introspection/ self reflection, self inquiry, reading lots of personal development/ psychology/ spiritual books, books on the perspective of the opposite sex, books on emotional mastery....etc.

I can go on and on. The big picture here though is there is almost infinite potential to improve your inner game as a man.

 

Obviously if we are needy on the inside someone just telling us to simply "be" more confident and funny just sounds annoying and stupid. 

Thats why we gotta go rooting around on the inside with a lot of these exercises so that things like confidence, humor, or a hot personality are simply an effortless expression of who we are.

Edited October 27, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Karmadhi]

@Byun Sean Great advice. Really appreciate it. May i ask you, did you start to actively approach girls or just went through with whichever girl you encountered by living your life normally. Also, what dating material would you reccommend?

[Byun Sean]

@Karmadhi

So far just whatever girl pops up in the wild lol.

But I'm not really an experienced pickup artist who's a lot of cold approaches or anything. For that kind of stuff there are other guys on the forum including Leo who have done a lot of cold approaches that you can question.

I just understand to a certain extent the psychological dynamics and agendas of both sexes. 

Believe it or not it is possible to understand how the world looks through the eyes of a woman lol.

 

Other than socializing more with women more an all of that stuff,

I think your main focus should be consciousness work. Consciousness is the number one thing you should be pursuing in life if you want to live life to the fullest with or without a woman.

Becoming significantly better with women is peanuts compared to the rest of the long term benefits becoming more conscious has on your life. Aside from making you a stronger man and 1000 times more attractive to women, it leads to better physical health, joy, bliss, better relationships, better internal clarity, helps you conquer fear, more love for life, makes you more authentic and less needy, etc. 

 

I can go on and on with the benefits but I just need to tell you enough to get you on the spiritual hype train.

 

There are many methods to become more conscious like meditation, kriya yoga, self inquiry, contemplation, concentration, psychedelics, meditation retreats etc. 

I recommend you research these techniques in books, videos, courses etc and start taking notes and doing them precisely. Once you get a decent taste of the results. You won't stop lol. It's difficult inner work but extremely rewarding.

Leo has many videos on his channel about many techniques for raising your consciousness as well and has many useful books on his book list that have helped me a lot.  The book I started out with when I first started meditating is A Million Thoughts By Om Swami.

 

 

 

Edited October 27, 2020 by Byun Sean