Apprenticeship-Phase Depression

[supremeyingyang]

Is anyone here in the Apprenticeship-Phase and struggling with it?

I struggle this Autumn so hard. I don't expect any easy Answers from you, but if you have something positive to reply I'm grateful;) I mostly want to share my thoughts because honestly my friends and family can't relate.

My chosen Field is Programming. I choose it because I wanted to master Programming for Years, it pays the Bills and I can see how I can make a difference with the set of skills I'm mastering right now. The last one is critical. I learn it really good to do even cooler things in 5 Years. My LP is not defined but I would like to impact the Educational System positive, say with Top Notch Software.

Now to the Problem!

I work in a Software-Company since 2 Years and I start to become good. However, I have still Years to work until I'm a Master Programmer and at least 1 Year until I can work as a freelancer without struggling too hard. It honestly feels like I go no where. I'm bored! I have no impact in creative decision making and I feel like Times is running because I have way less time for everything else. My Solutions are so different that's hard to fit in and sometimes I feel i loose my Mojo when I conform to the Group Default. I had to give up a lot.
I see two obvious POVs to this: 1. I have to leave to find my Bliss, 2. That's a damn fine opportunity to learn to be patient. But I don't know right now which is right.

 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by supremeyingyang