Life Feels Pointless Now

[Mr Here and Now]

Hey guys, I want to know if you guys went through this. The more I learn about enlightenment, the more life seems pointless. I've been reading The Power Of Now, Way Of The Peaceful warrior and been watching pretty much all of Leo's enlightenment videos over and over, and the more I do, the more life just seems pointless. I have no drive or passion to pursue my martial arts goals or to meet up with other people. All I do now is play video games and eat an insane about of chocolate. I don't feel good about it, nor do I feel bad about it, in fact, I'm very present when I do it, but I accept it because I am here and now, so why not? Why not just be here with sensations like food and video games? I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice, I pretty much spend all day playing games, then all night studying about enlightenment. 

[Uchira]

Thoughts are so fucking tricky man. Of course your life is not pointless. Just it seems like pointless doesnt mean it is pointless. I have been through that kind of period. But remember every time you think like that you are acting like a victim. @Davie  

[jjer94]

Hi Davie.

Once you are bitten by the enlightenment vampire, the transformation is inevitable. You can try to go back to your previous way of living to reduce the transformation speed for awhile...but inevitably the desire for finding your true nature will come back at some point, whether in this life or the next. 

The first stage of the transformation is what you're going through, and it can be rough. Popular culture calls it "hitting bottom." Spiritual culture calls it the "dark night of the soul," but it sure as hell doesn't last a night. It can last months or years. You realize that yes, life is fundamentally pointless. It's a zero-sum game. We're all going to die and it will be as if we've never lived. All is vanity and striving after wind. No objects of experience last forever, and yet we are all play a constant game of chasing objects because of an underlying assumption of incompleteness.

Related to that last point, you are chasing short-term gratification objects (chocolate and video games) because they are a faster way to make you feel more complete than your martial arts. In essence, what is happening is that ego is dissolving. The ego, your current state, is one of looking to the past for knowledge of how to be complete in the future. When you clearly see that no future object attainment will ever make you permanently complete, ego goes haywire and looks for the quickest avenues to cover up this fact. And when those other avenues begin to run out... you're left face to face with futility.

To ego, this is absolutely terrifying, as it always needs a reason to keep going. If there's no reason...then what? Well, some of your ego-fueled hobbies may drop, you may lose friends you used to cover up your incompleteness, you may even lose touch with family. Everything that once defined you slips away. Actually, this is incredibly liberating, as it eventually leads you to the realization that your true nature is already whole, limitless, happy, and complete. Then, you can do whatever the body/mind feels inclined to do as an expression of this wholeness. But that's a ways down the road.

My suggestion is to let this run its course. The more you try to resist and force yourself to maintain what you once had, the more you will suffer for it. If depression comes, let it come. If you feel like crying in bed all day, go for that. If you gorge on chocolate and video games enough, the pain you receive from overindulgence will be enough to make you quit. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. At the same time, notice your thought patterns, the sob stories, the victim mentality, the sense of incompleteness that comes out of all of this. Perhaps write a biography about the "Davie" character, listing all of his quirks, his habits, his likes, his dislikes, his beliefs, etc. and see if you can start to piece together why he is the way he is.

Before this turns into a novel, some food for contemplation... do dogs need a reason to live? Cheers.

P.S. Don't worry about that "be present in the moment" hogwash. There's no need to manipulate your experience. I suggest starting up a "Do Nothing" meditation habit. Look up Leo's video for details. 

 

Edited August 29, 2016 by jjer94

[J. M. Wigglesworth]

@Davie

"Before realization, Sweep the Gate. After realization, Sweep the Gate"

This is a quote from the chinese(something asian) mystical tradition. The meaning is that even when you're enlightened, guess what? There is still a mind-body structure and it's still going to do shit even though you're not aligned with it anymore. The egoic reasons to do things drop. But you're still here and still doing things... so...

3 hours ago, Davie said:

why not? Why not just be here with sensations like food and video games?

Here's a better question: Why so? Is this an ideal configurement for pursuing enlightenment? If it is, than that's perfect. Keep it up. If it's not, then ditch it. If you don't like that, then that means this arrangement may be shoring up your ego. You can still totally achieve enlightenment while living the avid young gamer lifestyle but is your lifestyle helping or hurting?  Personally, I prefer more silence for enlightenment work because I can feel my ego squirming as I embrace it, and this allows me to become more familiar with the ego and move out of it. Silence is an important part of my path towards self-realization, so I try and make more space for it in my life. It's not the only path I use, I also like to observe the interplay of the divine and form and how they manifest and subside into each other. You may have a totally different path. The point is, whatever path you're taking,  make sure your lifestyle matches it closely.

[Mr Here and Now]

@jjer94 Writing about the character? That's a BRILLIANT idea. Thanks, I never thought of that before! I'm gonna try it now.

[Prabhaker]

@Davie Eat chocolate consciously, fully alert, and watch every movement of your hands, mouth with awareness. Eating chocolate can become such a joy that you will not find life pointless in that moment.