So here's the thing I'm struggling with recently. I have been depressed because I can't resolve my stage Orange Shadow. I was stage orange all my life but I felt like I was selling my soul in my job.  I started out pretty young in the Finance sector. Making money early on. Working with investment bankers. I lived that high stress money status achievement lifestyle for a few years. It gives a high. But it also has a low.  After a few years in it, I began to feel like I was losing on something in life I couldn't put my finger on. I was living the hamster on a wheel life. A rat race. Constantly competitive till exhaustion. Pure stage Orange. Everything had to be the best. Perfectionist attitude.  My body began showing signs of stress and internal resistance where I felt that I wanted a spiritual break from this rigmarole of job, money, job,money, status. I couldn't take it anymore.  After I joined this forum 2 years ago, I fell into relationships, fell in love with a homeless man, denied by family and opposed them, decided to say just give up the whole "society slave, family puppet" identity. I didn't want to be this person who does everything that w everyone does.  I wanted peace of mind. Some relax, some love, some hippie, so I turned to Stage Green and embodied it fully. I loved being this idealistic island escaper who lives on love and transcendence.  But yesterday someone rocked my boat. You guessed it right. A family member. A call came in. And that person told me to get back up and start the rat race again and get a promotion or a new job that pays more more more!!  After a tense confrontation I said OKAY. I WILL DO IT. Now I'm torn. Because honestly it feels like I was selling my soul in my job. I still have this job. But I hate all this money making marketing, financial, capitalist, corporate culture and mentality. It's like prostituting my soul. I get it. I can do something that I love and still make money with it, but that's not the real issue. The job itself is not soul-eating but this stage Orange mindset that's eating my soul. This mentality and social mindset to work till death for success, to flaunt big cars and houses, to have a large bank account and phony relationships, to pretend like you're happy and be this puppet or prostitute that satisfies the big Pimp called society. Or else be left with no identity or get called a loser! So honestly if I have to pick myself up by the bootstraps once again and start selling my soul for a better job, it feels like  someone would feel if they were to go back to Prostitution or selling crack on the streets. Become that slave again. Start the hustle again. But I don't want it  I want a chill happy hippie spiritual life with a decent job and not this constant forever clout chasing where you always have to keep with others and maintain an image of success and sacrifice all personal and deep happiness or joy in lieu of it.  Is this a problem with me or am I supposed to not think of spiritual stuff much or am I on the right path if I follow my spirit and not my HEAD.