Do guys not like shy girls

[Thestarguitarist14]

47 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

Many of my friends are very close to being that and are very weird. I could never imagine some of them having girlfriends. Even among hikikomori they are mostly men. 80/20 ratio.

I use to think girls had no problem with dating then I thought about all the girls I thought were average and below average. The ones I wouldn’t date, the ones who get ignored and don’t get approached. Then I realized both genders have this problem. But most men IMO are non-serious jerks in early 20s, girls seem more mature.

Probably childhood trauma from their parents.  The novel/anime welcome to the nhk is a good depiction of how a hikikomori becomes ones.  The writer himself was a hikikomori.  Lots of self esteem issues s.

 

I remember reading how average to below average girls wish that they could get cat calls because they never get approached.  Only women with good bodies/good looks get approached.  

.

[soos_mite_ah]

3 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

I remember reading how average to below average girls wish that they could get cat calls because they never get approached. 

I have seen some accounts of that too. Most of those girls weren't even ugly. In fact I remember seeing a couple of pretty  girls who saw it as a compliment. They weren't below average Just insecure and misognistic. Wouldn't be surprised if trauma and cultural conditioning were also involved (some of these women were older and likely grew up in a more conservative time where this type of thing wasn't seen as something that was super bad) 

And before anyone says anything, they don't represent the VAST majority of women of any age or attractiveness. That shit is terrifying.  

[Username]

Shy girls are just more complicated, harder to read and confusing. I know that from experience. If extroverted girl is interested it's rather obvious, it's even likely that she will approach me. Shy girl might avoid me for the same reason, chances of her making any steps are very low.

Most guys will not approach girl until they see sign of interest. Older guys have better social skills so they may take a risk. Younger guys will choose easier target or don't approach at all.

I don't understand why do you think 10 years difference is a problem 

[Spiral]

Gotta have to agree with electrobeam. Do not ask a fish how to fish.

What matters in this case isn’t what guys like it’s what they are attracted to. These two thing seem related but often are not.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Spiral

[Parththakkar12]

@soos_mite_ah There's one potential trap that shy girls could fall into - coming across as a mom. That is actually the opposite of hot or sexy. If you were raised to be this 'good girl', you may have issues coming across as hot. 'Good girls' have been raised to be a good mom, so they will have this motherly energy of 'I'll take care of you'.

From what I know, coming across as a mom is a control strategy that women use to try to get a guy to commit to them. The problem with this is that guys who will be attracted to you will not be the ones who will approach you, they'll be shy nice-guys themselves! That's why you won't get approached. The strong, self-respecting men don't want a mom, they want a hot girl to bang. They're the ones who will make the approach. Then, once the relationship progresses, you can offer him your love and he'll receive it.

I'm aware I may be coming across as harsh right now. I'd suggest you practice surrendering and letting go of control, working on trust issues with men. Maybe daddy issues. As you surrender more and enter more of a receptive space, high-quality men will find that attractive. You can let them handle the rest then!

[Gesundheit]

The shyest girls are the naughtiest on the inside (hence the hottest in bed ), unless she's cold. Shyness is a very attractive feminine trait. It gives the masculine energy the space to manifest and dominate freely. It shows how compliant, yet at the same time naughty, a girl is, in a very sexy way. Vulnerability. It's like the biggest sign on the hook-up highway.

I'm guessing the reason why you're not approached a lot is probably because you're not giving off the signals. There are certain dynamics for girls to make guys approach. Could be a smile or eye contact or something else depending on the situation. It's a hunting process, and if you don't offer your lure, then what do you expect?

Edited October 24, 2020 by Gesundheit

[mandyjw]

If you like outgoing guys you'll get away with being shy because they will be the only ones who can interact with you. But if you like guys on the more shy, introspective, reserved side, you'll have to figure out how to get through to them. Which can be really fun. Try switching the dynamics up, flirt, joke around with shy guys and try to get them out of their shells. See a whole new side of yourself emerge. 

It's really easy for people to mistake shyness and social anxiety for snobbery and disinterest. We see that look of terror in someone's eyes as we walk up to them or say hello and assume that it's dislike for us, when really it's the terror of being confronted with talking to someone of the opposite sex. 

[Raphael]

How shy are you? What can't you handle?

Edited October 24, 2020 by Raphael

[soos_mite_ah]

6 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

The shyest girls are the naughtiest on the inside (hence the hottest in bed ), unless she's cold. Shyness is a very attractive feminine trait. It gives the masculine energy the space to manifest and dominate freely. It shows how compliant, yet at the same time naughty, a girl is, in a very sexy way. Vulnerability. It's like the biggest sign on the hook-up highway.

I'm guessing the reason why you're not approached a lot is probably because you're not giving off the signals. There are certain dynamics for girls to make guys approach. Could be a smile or eye contact or something else depending on the situation. It's a hunting process, and if you don't offer your lure, then what do you expect?

7 hours ago, modmyth said:

How aware are you of your body language, or the sort of energy you're projecting or giving off? How open do you feel and how open do you think you're coming off? You might have resting bitch face and not be that aware, so people think you're angry or unfriendly when you could just be lost in thought or something. 

People used to tell me that I appeared intimidating at first quite a bit when I was younger (code: you seem like a bitch), so I learned how to adjust my behaviour if I didn't want to be interpreted that way.

Yeah I do have a resting bitch face. Wouldnt be surprised if that was a contributing factor. 

6 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@soos_mite_ah There's one potential trap that shy girls could fall into - coming across as a mom. That is actually the opposite of hot or sexy. If you were raised to be this 'good girl', you may have issues coming across as hot. 'Good girls' have been raised to be a good mom, so they will have this motherly energy of 'I'll take care of you'.

From what I know, coming across as a mom is a control strategy that women use to try to get a guy to commit to them. The problem with this is that guys who will be attracted to you will not be the ones who will approach you, they'll be shy nice-guys themselves! That's why you won't get approached. The strong, self-respecting men don't want a mom, they want a hot girl to bang. They're the ones who will make the approach. Then, once the relationship progresses, you can offer him your love and he'll receive it.

There may be a point there. While I dont consider myself giving off a maternal vibe in the slightest, I do have a tendency to dress rather conservatively.  It's a coping mechanism since I have a body type that gets sexualized really easily. Like one wrong move and I'll have a bunch of people staring at me because I look like I'm about to sit on the casting couch ?

I guess dressing conservatively and against trends can make me come across as older, sometimes more intimidating, and give me a mom vibe rather than something sexy. 

[soos_mite_ah]

13 hours ago, electroBeam said:

ask women for advice, not men

Men can't see their blindspots. 

That makes sense. I tried that before and I'm open to a different perspective. 

I'm going to write down what I've been told just for the sake of this thread. 

I've been told that the reason why I don't attract that many guys is because shyness can look like unpredictability. There is more mystery and some guys tend to look at that and get freaked out. Another thing is that if you're shy but not a doormat, fuckboys will be hesitant to approach you because you look too conservative to sleep with them right away and because you can stand up for yourself/ establish boundaries that means they cant manipulate you as easily. So that cuts away at a large chunk of guys and then it comes down to a quality > quantity type of situation. 

[soos_mite_ah]

4 hours ago, Raphael said:

How shy are you? What can't you handle?

I'm usually not the first to approach regardless if it's in the context of a relationship or a friendship. I can be super bubbly in one on one situations but as soon as there is more than idk 4 people in a group, I tend to take a more of an observer type role. 

[Shin]

Are you sure you're shy and not introvert ?

[flowboy]

Everyone here including you is just guessing.

Why play that game when you can just find out?

Collect names of the last 10 people that you had an interaction with that led nowhere and you don't know why.

Collect your balls. Call them up. Ask them why.

Mystery solved.

 

If what they are saying makes no immediate sense, just write it down and post it here. Then we have something to work with and that people here can help you make sense of.

It's probably not about being shy. It's definitely not about you not approaching first. Guys don't even want that.
Everyone including you is terrible at seeing their blind spots. That's why they're blind spots. And that's also why this guessing game is pointless, because the thing that is your blind spot is by definition going to be the thing that you are not aware of, ergo you won't mention it here and everyone else here is guessing based on your wrong initial guess.

Edited October 24, 2020 by flowboy

[Gesundheit]

47 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Yeah I do have a resting bitch face. Wouldnt be surprised if that was a contributing factor.

You do have a cute smile though. I saw your profile picture once and it was spectacular I can recall it from memory anytime I want. So maybe use it more, and make sure you show your teeth, cuz they look amazing.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Raphael]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm usually not the first to approach regardless if it's in the context of a relationship or a friendship. I can be super bubbly in one on one situations but as soon as there is more than idk 4 people in a group, I tend to take a more of an observer type role. 

So you don't have huge social anxiety issues? Or maybe it's just little or average anxiety.

Can you handle most of daily life situations?
Can you have normal or great conversations with people?
Can you speak in front of a crowd?
Does your shyness can create weird social situations? If yes, does it happen often?

[evgn]

17 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

 

That leaves you with high-tier guys, who will have high expectations. IMO most of them are extroverts or at least ambiverts, so they want the same for their partners, rarely have I seen a full introvert have their shit together, usually they are introverts because they are depressed or something.

You are born introvert you dont get introvert because of depression and also introvert doesnt nesecerely mean shy but lots of introvers are shy.

There are lots of sucesufull people out there who are introvers so thats not exuces. Usually introvers are deep thinkers so dont underestimate them.

[ertopolice]

@soos_mite_ah31 female here..

Trust me you are still pretty young! i wish i had had your very same questioning when i was your age. I just DID NOT CARE AT ALL if I  was approached or not. Well..at that time and due to personal issues with my family i was not in the mood for dating or approaching anyone. Later on I got some self hate issues because i was a perfectionist and i had to get my whole life sorted out before dating anyone (career, family issues..etc). Fail. 

I recently realized that during all this time in spite of being (lets say an 8/10 o over average looks and career success) i was not approached because of my constant obsession with me being the best..in all those areas  i felt confident enough APART FROM SOCIAL INTERACTIONS.

I wish i realized all this earlier tbh. Looks matter BUT if u lack interest in social interactions or don't show any openness is a fail. 

I guess this is not your case, but i just felt the need to share.

Nowadays my only social circles where i can interact guys is the gym. I can handle social and job interactions well but at this age i feel ashamed of approaching guys even having a nice physique. It's just that doesn't feel right or something. I WANNA BE APPROACHED I just get some guys looking at me at gym but that's all. 

Also...THIS COVID thing is getting me mad. I wanna fix this issue in my life asap and seems so difficult!

 

 

[ivory]

3 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

I can handle social and job interactions well but at this age i feel ashamed of approaching guys even having a nice physique. It's just that doesn't feel right or something. I WANNA BE APPROACHED

I hear that from women a lot. Most want to be approached. Once and a while I'll meet a woman who enjoys the thrill of the hunt and goes after men themselves. I dated a girl like that when I lived in Portland, a feminist, and I really admired her. I really think that most women can learn a lot from her. I can understand why women would screen for the more confident guys by expecting them to approach, but I can also understand why a women would want to feel empowered and have some control in her life.

[ertopolice]

@ivory i can "fake" or risk to break the ice and i've actually done as a way of testing myself but does not feel right. Perhaps it's my ego or need for validation that i expect guys to approach me

[ertopolice]

@ivory also i feel ashamed to approach  strangers because of my constant thinking that by this age they may be taken