Do guys not like shy girls

[soos_mite_ah]

I tend to be pretty reserved around people and I'm not the type to sleep with someone immediately. I'm also assertive and good with keeping boundaries but at the same time I'm often soft spoken (not really argumentative, won't put up a fight, and would instead just leave if someone was disrespecting me). Generally I get along with most people. 

I don't get approached by guys often but after a conversation they get intimidated or turned off for whatever reason and just get away from me. It's either that or sometimes I'm the one rejecting tbh. 

Also, a large chunk of the guys that do approach me tend to be about 10 years older than me and once they find out I'm too young for them they back off (rightfully so) 

I'm 21 and I haven't had my first kiss yet, much less come close to being in a relationship. Maybe I have yet to get in a situation where I meet a guy we mutually like one another. Or maybe I don't put myself out there enough idk. Do guys in their early 20s not like shy girls 

[Thestarguitarist14]

The issue with shy girls is that they never make any kind of move or response.  Or they are too delayed.  So because of that they end up losing out to a woman that will put themselves out there more.

Edited October 23, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[Roy]

Absolutely nothing wrong with being shy and mysterious, just don't be so reserved and unenthusiastic to the point where you're bordering on boring or cold.

There is nothing more frustrating or exhausting than having to do all the work carrying a conversation, arranging everything, etc.

Men already have a lopsided amount of work to do in the attraction phase and do 95% of the approaching, don't make it that much harder than it already is or most men will see it's just not worth the effort and back off.

[Opo]

Guys love shy girls it's just that young guys are too insecure to approach. 

[soos_mite_ah]

11 minutes ago, Opo said:

Guys love shy girls it's just that young guys are too insecure to approach. 

But why do most of the guys I see the ones that never had any issues with approaching and sleep around constantly? I feel like I'm surrounded by fuck boys 90% of the time. 

I  know that not all guys are like this. This may be rude (or horribly short sided on my part because of my surroundings) but I swear that the only place where I have seen guys who are afraid to approach girls. guys who aren't constantly getting laid, and guys who don't have a list of hoes in their phones is in this forum. If anything, I mainly see women struggle with dating because they keep getting played, never approached, or struggling in a toxic relationship. 

[Thestarguitarist14]

31 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

But why do most of the guys I see the ones that never had any issues with approaching and sleep around constantly? I feel like I'm surrounded by fuck boys 90% of the time. 

I  know that not all guys are like this. This may be rude (or horribly short sided on my part because of my surroundings) but I swear that the only place where I have seen guys who are afraid to approach girls. guys who aren't constantly getting laid, and guys who don't have a list of hoes in their phones is in this forum. If anything, I mainly see women struggle with dating because they keep getting played, never approached, or struggling in a toxic relationship. 

You must not know that many guys then.  Studies have shown that millennials are not really having much sex.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[soos_mite_ah]

29 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

You must not know that many guys then.  Studies have shown that millennials are not really having much sex.

or maybe the loudest ones are the ones that typically catch my attention

[Akemrelax]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

But why do most of the guys I see the ones that never had any issues with approaching and sleep around constantly? I feel like I'm surrounded by fuck boys 90% of the time. 

I  know that not all guys are like this. This may be rude (or horribly short sided on my part because of my surroundings) but I swear that the only place where I have seen guys who are afraid to approach girls. guys who aren't constantly getting laid, and guys who don't have a list of hoes in their phones is in this forum. If anything, I mainly see women struggle with dating because they keep getting played, never approached, or struggling in a toxic relationship. 

Hmm... You’re clearly ignoring a large swath of men. What are your surrounding btw? And how many dates have you gone on?

Look back to your High school days. Who were the people at the bottom who no one cared about? (Hint: think of the nerdy guys in computer lab)

3 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm 21 and I haven't had my first kiss yet, much less come close to being in a relationship.

That’s perfectly fine, if you want to get into a relationship it’s fine, but there should be no peer pressure to get in one. Don’t get into relationships that don’t go anywhere, that was one of Leo’s advice to young people.

3 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I tend to be pretty reserved around people and I'm not the type to sleep with someone immediately. I'm also assertive and good with keeping boundaries but at the same time I'm often soft spoken (not really argumentative, won't put up a fight, and would instead just leave if someone was disrespecting me)

See that can be a problem with shy people in some situations. Like if you are nice and all, then all of a sudden they find out you were offended for some reason. The guy would think, “why didn’t she tell me or give me a warning? I could have apologized or improved?”

It’s hard to comment on your specific case. I find that most men your age (20-21) are focusing on building their career. The lower tier guys are struggling with video games addiction and pornography, they can’t even think of giving dating their full attention. IMO that like more than half of all guys in 20s.

That leaves you with high-tier guys, who will have high expectations. IMO most of them are extroverts or at least ambiverts, so they want the same for their partners, rarely have I seen a full introvert have their shit together, usually they are introverts because they are depressed or something.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Akemrelax

[Opo]

9 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

usually their introverts because they are depressed or something.

Maybe you mean antisocial. 

I don't consider introversion to be a bad thing. 

[Thestarguitarist14]

19 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

or maybe the loudest ones are the ones that typically catch my attention

That’s usually how it works. 

[soos_mite_ah]

6 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

Hmm... You’re clearly ignoring a large swath of men. What are your surrounding btw? And how many dates have you gone on?

Look back to your High school days. Who were the people at the bottom who no one cared about? (Hint: think of the nerdy guys in computer lab)

Tbh, there weren't many guys like that in my school. There were a few but once they got to college they started living their hoe years like everyone else. Idk, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that is single and just chilling (not hooking up etc.). I know I'm not the only one but most people who I've met who are like that are other girls. I have been on a few dates here and there and there were many times whenever I mention my lack of experience people are shocked. Even when I'm not on a date and the topic comes up, every time I say something I'm met with something along the lines of  "really?! That's so weird. But like you're completely normal I would expect that you would've done *insert sexual/ relationship milestone here*."

Idk as I write this out, something about the notion of not having done things being seen as weird seems unhealthy for both men and women. I know there is this thing in society where if you have been single for a long time people immediately think that there is something wrong with you when there is perfectly normal and sane people who haven't had a whole lot of experience.  

13 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

See that can be a problem with shy people in some situations. Like if you are nice and all, then all of a sudden they find out you were offended for some reason. The guy would think, “why didn’t she tell me or give me a warning? I could have apologized or improved?”

But how else am I supposed to communicate my needs/boundaries if even when I say it softly and directly people are like “why didn’t she tell me or give me a warning? I could have apologized or improved?” Like I'm not beating around the bush but I'm also not being harsh. 

15 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

It’s hard to comment on your specific case. I find that most men your age (20-21) are focusing on building their career. The lower tier guys are struggling with video games addiction and pornography, they can’t even think of giving dating their full attention. IMO that like more than half of all guys in 20s.

That would explain somethings. Don't know about the more than half of guys who are struggling with video game addictions but then again maybe it's because they aren't super out and about either. 

16 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

That leaves you with high-tier guys, who will have high expectations. IMO most of them are extroverts or at least ambiverts, so they want the same for their partners, rarely have I seen a full introvert have their shit together, usually their introverts because they are depressed or something.

Really? In my experience it's the opposite. The extroverted people seem super chaotic and all over the place while the introverts seem calm and collected. But then again, dysfunction can come in many different forms. 

[Akemrelax]

4 minutes ago, Opo said:

Maybe you mean antisocial. 

I don't consider introversion to be a bad thing. 

I mean the ones who are unable to make any friends when they leave high school. Hikikomori, extreme introverts, anti-social, whatever you wanna call them. 

It’s just been my experience, yours might be different

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

I mean the ones who are unable to make any friends when they leave high school. Hikikomori, extreme introverts, anti-social, whatever you wanna call them. 

It’s just been my experience, yours might be different

Hikkomoris/Neets are not introverts.  They are shut ins who are too afraid to talk to people.  These people tend to have huge mental issues.  Introverts cam be social.  They just feel more energized while they are alone.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[ivory]

3 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Do guys in their early 20s not like shy girls

Shy people tend to be hard to read, boring, and uncomfortable to be around and that is less than ideal for most people. I'm a recovering shy person but I tend to be drawn to girls who are expressive, interesting, and warm. That said, many guys aren't very picky about the girls they are with as long as they are attractive and are willing to have sex with them. Shyness may not be the only reason guys aren't into you but it's hard to say without knowing you.

[soos_mite_ah]

1 minute ago, ivory said:

Shy people tend to be hard to read, boring, and uncomfortable to be around and that is less than ideal for most people. I'm a recovering shy person but I tend to be drawn to girls who are expressive, interesting, and warm. 

I mean I tend to be bubbly af when I meet people, but I think I come off shy because I'm not the one doing the approaching. 

3 minutes ago, ivory said:

That said, many guys aren't very picky about the girls they are with as long as they are attractive and are willing to have sex with them. 

That's probably the problem. I'm not interesting in hooking up and having sex until it's been at least a couple months. Then again this isn't one of those things that I'm willing to compromise. If that's the case, I'm willing to wait for a guy who isn't in a rush either. 

[soos_mite_ah]

8 minutes ago, dflores321 said:

Attraction wise, I'd say it depends on how she looks. If she's attractive then she's guaranteed to be approached. Shy girls can still be beautiful and attractive to men no matter how quiet they are. 

I get approached, I'm just not liked or I don't like the other person back lmao ??

Edited October 24, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Thestarguitarist14]

@soos_mite_ah You’re going to have to give the guy something other than sex to make him want to stay.  Believe it or not, guys like other things in women outside of sex.  A good personality for example.

[Akemrelax]

19 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Hikkomoris/Neets are not introverts.  They are shut ins who are too afraid to talk to people.  These people tend to have huge mental issues.  Introverts cam be social.  They just feel more energized while they are alone.

Many of my friends are very close to being that and are very weird. I could never imagine some of them having girlfriends. Even among hikikomori they are mostly men. 80/20 ratio.

I use to think girls had no problem with dating then I thought about all the girls I thought were average and below average. The ones I wouldn’t date, the ones who get ignored and don’t get approached. Then I realized both genders have this problem. But most men IMO are non-serious jerks in early 20s, girls seem more mature

12 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I get approached, I'm just not liked or I don't like the other person back lmao ??

That means you’re good to go. You will figure it out.

I am more worried about girls who don’t get approached at all. 

[soos_mite_ah]

6 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

That means you’re good to go. You will figure it out.

I am more worried about girls who don’t get approached at all. 

I know plenty of girls who don't get approached at all. They're also attractive. They just mind their own business, do what they need to do, and don't come off as outgoing (not necessarily shy, awkward, and reserved just not outgoing).  Probably that's why a lot of them are my friends because, well, like attracts like. But at the same time we all acknowledge that we're probably in the minority. 

[electroBeam]

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