Can a guy be happy with an average girl

[Origins]

And it depends on what you classify as important of course to determine what's a "5, 6, 7, etc", for me its the face, everything else gets rated after the face. Can't have an amazing body with a 5 face, need that lion face with nice lion teeth for em hunting them sheep like ugly hyenas addicted to consumerism!

[Origins]

See if this was a female and her face was changed to a 10/10 and her values were aligned with mine, I'd consider going out with her still haha

[Origins]

Haha yeah I'd do her eyes

[Breakingthewall]

That kind of thinking, like average girl, are absolutely egoic. The opposite of love. So in my opinion, you can't be happy with that kind of thinking, despite how is your girlfriend. You should go above your ego to be capable of love, and after that, find a girlfriend

[ivory]

@ColeMC01 I used to think that I could be happy with a girl who I perceived as average as long as she was sweet and fairly cute. And, that's what I got in my last relationship. After a while I got really bored in the relationship. Sweet was not enough and she put on weight so I was no longer attracted to her. I learned a lot in that relationship. I think it's good to experiment to get clear on what you require in a relationship. But those requirements should be realistic, not some imaginary ideal. To answer your question, can you be satisfied with an average girl? That depends. If you are actualizing, absolutely not. You will leave her in the dust. My current theory is that we need to find someone who is on a similar place on the life journey, has similar values, and is physically attractive on a subjective level. Does that make her average? I dunno. Do you consider yourself average? Find a girl who you consider to have equal value as yourself and who is committed to growing.

[Elham]

The girl that u see as an average is perfect in someone else's eye. It depends on u not the girl.

[Michael569]

My grandfather used to say: "never marry a girl you don't consider beautiful or you'll spend the rest of your life suffering everytime you look at her"

Beauty is subjective and very superficial but being in a relationship with someone you genuinely consider attractive makes life more enjoyable as harsh as that sounds. 

I agree with everyone who says that personality, values etc are more important...they are. But if the person is unattractive to you, that will mess up your sex life and if that doesn't work most relationships will fail. 

Let her go, somebody else will find her beautiful and you should wait for the one you genuinely consider beautiful. it is worth the wait, 

 

[RendHeaven]

@ivory @Michael569

Wow, this is extremely illuminating.

I've written a bit about my struggles with physical beauty in my journal - but mostly from the perspective that I "ought to stop being so shallow"

Are you guys really telling me that I AM allowed to be shallow? 

I have lots to ponder...

[ivory]

@RendHeaven I used to think I was evolved and had transcended egoic qualities such as superficiality. Then I started dating a girl who wasn't quite as cute as I would have liked. The whole time I dated her I fantasized about being single. We had a boring, almost non-existent, sex life. I ended up letting her go because I just couldn't get into it. I learned my lesson. I need a thin, intelligent, and attractive women; and I will not compromise. I am not shallow, I am not superficial, I am simply human and I'm cool with that.

[Thestarguitarist14]

I hate to say this, but average women (women who have no curves, no ass, no tits, or are fat, plain Jane face and personality) don’t even get second looks from me.  That’s just how it is.

[RendHeaven]

2 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

@ivory @Michael569

Wow, this is extremely illuminating.

I've written a bit about my struggles with physical beauty in my journal - but mostly from the perspective that I "ought to stop being so shallow"

Are you guys really telling me that I AM allowed to be shallow? 

I have lots to ponder...

Hey @Ananta if you see this, I'm curious to know your honest reaction to what Ivory and Michael (lovely guys) have said.

I know that your general perspective is that visual criteria are ultimately shallow (I intellectually agree but not emotionally)

I also know that at the end of the day you're most likely to say, "you do you man"

Still, I'd like to know how these male-centered perspectives look from an experienced female perspective.

Edited October 27, 2020 by RendHeaven

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

Hey @Ananta if you see this, I'm curious to know your honest reaction to what Ivory and Michael (lovely guys) have said.

I know that your general perspective is that visual criteria are ultimately shallow (I intellectually agree but not emotionally)

I also know that at the end of the day you're most likely to say, "you do you man"

Still, I'd like to know how these male-centered perspectives look from an experienced female perspective.

I don't really care if someone just wants an attractive partner...but, if they are not also attractive then why are they so special? Why should an attractive female "settle" (as men here are saying) for an unattractive male. See what I mean? It goes both ways.

It seems to me that most on this forum bemoaning how they can't find a GF, really mean they can't find a HOT GF when they themselves aren't especially attractive or don't have above average personality, because experience has shown me that relatively attractive people with decent personalities DO NOT bitch on forums how they can't find women....unless they are reaching to get a partner that is out of their league. Yep, I said it.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but you have to look in the mirror. If you want the hot girl, then what are you bringing to the table yourself. If it's average looks, social anxiety with low self esteem...wellll, good luck.

Before anyone has a fit because of what I've said here just remember I was asked my honest opinion. 

[Preety_India]

 

40 minutes ago, Ananta said:

because experience has shown me that relatively attractive people with decent personalities DO NOT bitch on forums how they can't find women

 

 

[aurum]

43 minutes ago, Ananta said:

Before anyone has a fit because of what I've said here just remember I was asked my honest opinion. 

No you're actually pretty spot on.

Often one of the first things dating coaches for guys will do is get them to realize that they're not bringing anything to that table.

It's still a competitive / transactional mindset ("I must out compete the other males with my looks, which I will trade for love"). But at least it gets guys on a path of self-development.

[Ananta]

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

 

?

 

1 minute ago, aurum said:

No you're actually pretty spot on.

Thanks. 

[Byun Sean]

@ColeMC01

Take the focus off of the kind of person you want to attract and focus on making yourself a higher value guy by working on yourself. That way you will maximize your options on the dating market.

Settling for an average girl doesn't resolve relationship issues but only makes them worse.

 

Stop being lazy about growing yourself and asking these sorts of questions.

You deserve a super hot loving girlfriend if you are willing to put in the work for it.

 

[RendHeaven]

3 hours ago, Ananta said:

If you want the hot girl, then what are you bringing to the table yourself. If it's average looks, social anxiety with low self esteem...wellll, good luck.

Before anyone has a fit because of what I've said here just remember I was asked my honest opinion. 

Good observation. Right on the money

Let's imagine though that we are a sexy, confident, and valuable guy (hah).

That is to say, our desire for a "hot girl" is no longer a pathetic plea of obvious deficiency.

Now, is our desire for this "hot girl" in conflict with spirituality?

One thought is, "No. We must allow ourselves to feel what we feel without suppressing or resisting."

An opposing thought might be, "Yes. Preference is a self-serving attachment or bias; we must learn to let go."

Maybe it's both? Neither?

Edited October 27, 2020 by RendHeaven

[Thestarguitarist14]

21 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Good observation. Right on the money

Let's imagine though that we are a sexy, confident, and valuable guy (hah).

That is to say, our desire for a "hot girl" is no longer a pathetic plea of obvious deficiency.

Now, is our desire for this "hot girl" in conflict with spirituality?

One thought is, "No. We must allow ourselves to feel what we feel without suppressing or resisting."

An opposing thought might be, "Yes. Preference is a self-serving attachment or bias; we must learn to let go."

Maybe it's both? Neither?

That’s nonsense.  Guys will always look for the most attractive option that they can get.  No different than women will always seek the best provider that they can get.

Though I will say that the women that I am the most sexually attracted to (not all looks, sexual energy is also huge) tend to drive me crazy while women who I am not necessarily howling for, but are into are easier to get along with and tend to be better suited for long term relationships.

[ivory]

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

Now, is our desire for this "hot girl" in conflict with spirituality?

Bro, spirituality doesn't give a shit. You're not thinking for yourself. There are no rules.

There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but there are consequences. It's this way with all things.

If you hold out for perfection, you may be waiting for a while. But if you take whatever comes, you may not like what you have.

There's something to be said for having standards. But set them too high and your life may be empty.

[F A B]

@ColeMC01  I leave you with some remarks:

 

• Everyone has intrinsic value. Do not rate people and put a label on them.
• Do not ask yourself if she can make you happy. Happiness comes from the inside.
• Ask yourself what do you like about her, instead.

 

side note: consider both the personality and the body. 

side side note: Do not feel a shallow person just because you desire a hot woman,  it's completely natural (just take into account also what you can "bring to the table").