The Twisted Nature of Ego

[Guest EmptyVase]

I've encountered an interesting problem in the area of self-help. The "I", I am reffering to, will be ego in the following . So this is not only about ego transcendence, but also the transformation of ego, within it's own realm. Thus, I put it in the Self-Actualization sub-forum.

Always, when I get triggered by others to a certain extent, I eventually start thinking like the subject I am critizicing. Very abstract, so here's a concrete example:

For example, I see someone judging others heavily.
At the first few instances, I don't really care, because I'm not the one who's judging. I'm fine with them judging. But after some time, when I see the same judgements over and over again, it starts to trigger me.

Of course, from the very beginning, I know how judging others ultimately causes harm to your own wellbeing.

Now when I start to get triggered, there's a very interesting shift happening: I start to criticize and judge the person, which criticizes and judges others! Suddenly, I am the one, who tells somebody else, how they have to behave. I adapt the very same pattern, which I was conscious of in others.

Two more examples:

• I stay away from debates on this forum, as I'm not interested in them. But when they trigger me (not necessarily the content, but the unnecessity of the debate itself), I'm starting to feel like writing a post on stopping this debating stuff. What would I end up with? Starting debates on the forum. Loops back again.
• When others around me are super serious, and I get triggered by it, I lose my chill and start to get serious too - in order to try to make the other person less serious! Again a very interesting twist happening.

I try to stay conscious of these dynamics, but they still sometimes find their way in. Very sneaky. Good thing though is, the more I notice this behavior, the more I can transcend it.

But then again, from a practical POV, it can make sense in some instances to step in and take action. I'm thinking of situations with really toxic behavior. And also probably a few more subtler cases.

What's going on there?

(Not so important, but I'll still put it here: One of the insights I had, which I could connect to that, was: The things you don't like about other people, you also don't like about yourself.
This whole situation also shows the power of nets (systems) and how they influence each other.)

How would you balance both extremes out, so that you do not adapt the same egoic dynamics, which you are acting against or critizicing?
(Yes, only an ego can get triggered or wants to act against something, but there must be a healthy way to cope with this - also in order to have a positive influence)

Edited October 22, 2020 by EmptyVase

[JosephKnecht]

Your ego has a developed sense of morality. When your sense of morality is stretched to some extreme, it has to act/judge. There is nothing wrong with this.

Depending on the environment you are in, this is a healthy ego development. You must draw boundaries if you live with other egos, otherwise, you risk having an "ego death". 

Your current problem is not that you are judging others, but that you are judging yourself for judging others. Don't judge others, but more importantly, don't judge yourself. 

Let it go.  

[Guest EmptyVase]

@JosephKnecht

Man, these kind words really sparked a smile in my face. 

Your advice makes a lot of sense, thank you a lot!