Conflicted About Personal Development

[Mjolnir]

Hello,

I was wondering if any of you could help me as I realized that I'm quite conflicted about Personal Development. On one hand I know that anything in life is possible and that you can create the extraordinary life you want. All the different fields that you can master like health, finance, emotions, spirituality etc. Not to mention the list of different things you'd like to accomplish.
But on the other hand I notice that this all creates a sense of unease whenever I spend time on things that are not progressing me in any way. And that the more I notice what's possible or what I "should" do or strife towards, the more this unease (if that's even the right word) grows. And I feel like I keep growing more towards the low-level consciousness pleasure activities like gaming, doing puzzles or listening to podcasts. In a sense I want to shut off more, stop connecting with friends, be alone, nothing on my mind, no responsiblities, just be alone and finally have a sense of peace or ok-ness (idk how to describe). (I'm not depressed nor knowingly suffer from any mental ilness, but I think there's something going on with some emotional defense mechanisms where I won't let myself feel or whatever but hell I haven't been able to figure that one out yet lol).

I guess the growing awareness of the possibilities of personal development and spirituality make me want to do even less. Yet, I know anecdotally how life can ultimately be and I find it important to seek and work towards the good life. But sometimes I just think I wouldn't mind not knowing about this all and living a life of not knowing about all the good things personal development and spirituality can bring.

Anyways, this might've just been a ramble of thought that I should journal on to figure this out more. But maybe anyone has some pointers.

Thanks and have a great day!

 

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Mjolnir said:

But on the other hand I notice that this all creates a sense of unease whenever I spend time on things that are not progressing me in any way.

Its really tough, because time is a precious resource and the fact that you may loose time on something you don't like is even more unbearable. 

But really, if you want to master health, or any one of those subjects, there's no getting around the fact that you'll have to take a risk and spend your time practising or doing the exercises necessary for that field.

If you're willing, try letting go of those scary thoughts telling you that you're wasting time. Put more feelings of inspiration, love, enjoyment into the thing you're doing if possible, through visualisation exercises. You could even try walking in nature, feeling the awe and inspiration from the beauty of it, and then carry it over to the exercises that you've got to do. 

If you keep going, you will get there, and you will master whatever field you want to. 

good luck, hope you get what you want 

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Mjolnir said:

But sometimes I just think I wouldn't mind not knowing about this all and living a life of not knowing about all the good things personal development and spirituality can bring.

It certainly can create a sort of mental tension when you get into this work. A person has a vision for a better life, and yet it's not actualized. So the knowledge that things could be different creates a sort of tension.

And many people do fall into the stage Orange trap of using self-optimization as a way to resist the present and continue believing things are not enough. More supplements, more money, more more more. And always doing, doing doing.

The difference I see with spiritual work is that it's a letting go. You're letting go of socially conditioned obligations. You're letting go of trauma that had you stuck in certain patterns. And you're letting go of control, allowing spirit to flow through you and as you.

That is what you're seeking.

So I would encourage you to not use PD as a tool to beat yourself over the head about how you're not enough.

[Hello from Russia]

Bro, discover your life purpose and you'll be ok

[Mjolnir]

On 22-10-2020 at 5:47 PM, electroBeam said:

Its really tough, because time is a precious resource and the fact that you may loose time on something you don't like is even more unbearable. 

But really, if you want to master health, or any one of those subjects, there's no getting around the fact that you'll have to take a risk and spend your time practising or doing the exercises necessary for that field.

If you're willing, try letting go of those scary thoughts telling you that you're wasting time. Put more feelings of inspiration, love, enjoyment into the thing you're doing if possible, through visualisation exercises. You could even try walking in nature, feeling the awe and inspiration from the beauty of it, and then carry it over to the exercises that you've got to do. 

If you keep going, you will get there, and you will master whatever field you want to. 

good luck, hope you get what you want 

Thank you for your response. I completely understand what you mean as you just have to sacrifice some things if you want to pursue other things. Staying inspired and feeling love and enjoyment are certainly things I have to work as I find it difficult to feel those emotions. But eventually things will have to work out

Thanks for the kind words and likewise, I hope you will get what you want as well

On 22-10-2020 at 5:52 PM, aurum said:

It certainly can create a sort of mental tension when you get into this work. A person has a vision for a better life, and yet it's not actualized. So the knowledge that things could be different creates a sort of tension.

And many people do fall into the stage Orange trap of using self-optimization as a way to resist the present and continue believing things are not enough. More supplements, more money, more more more. And always doing, doing doing.

The difference I see with spiritual work is that it's a letting go. You're letting go of socially conditioned obligations. You're letting go of trauma that had you stuck in certain patterns. And you're letting go of control, allowing spirit to flow through you and as you.

That is what you're seeking.

So I would encourage you to not use PD as a tool to beat yourself over the head about how you're not enough.

After I listened to Leo's video called "Understanding Meaning, Purpose & Value" twice I became more aware of this trap. I noticed that every time I set a goal even before I accomplish it I set a new target yet I never feel the feeling I thought i'd get once I achieved the goal. I find it quite a mind fuck and I'm pretty hesitant to really feel into this realization for the possible consequences.

I guess I don't really thinking about how I'm not enough, or maybe it's not something I'm conscious of. I guess I use PD as an idea of what to strife for in order to get "the feeling" that I otherwise don't have. The "once I achieve x I will be happy/fulfilled etc.." trap that obviously doesn't work.

Could you maybe point me in a direction of the spiritual work you're talking about? Are there any specific ideas, videos or what have you I could digest to get an understand of what you mean so I can maybe work towards that? (Or am I chasing my tail again )

On 22-10-2020 at 6:01 PM, Hello from Russia said:

Bro, discover your life purpose and you'll be ok

That'd be wonderful

Edited October 31, 2020 by Mjolnir

[aurum]

7 hours ago, Mjolnir said:

Could you maybe point me in a direction of the spiritual work you're talking about? Are there any specific ideas, videos or what have you I could digest to get an understand of what you mean so I can maybe work towards that? (Or am I chasing my tail again )

Just follow and practice the techniques Leo shares. You're doing great!

[ivory]

@Mjolnir Quite frankly I think you're in a better place than those who obsess over self-development. There's a spectrum with "over-doer" and "under-doer" at each ends. You're more likely to feel content than those who are in a hurry to get somewhere. That said, if there are things you want out of life that you're not addressing then you need to resolve that inner conflict.

I used to be an over-doer, now I probably lean more to the under-doer end of the spectrum. I feel rather content even though my life isn't perfect (and nor will it ever be). I think that one mistake a lot of people make is that then undertake a self-development journey with the intention of improving themself. I won't say that's wrong, but it is a bit misguided. You grow by doing the things you want and by doing the things you have to do. What's the point of being a super-hero if your life sucks? Lead a meaningful life. Do that.

Start there, get clear on what you want and pursue that. That's how you'll grow. Don't pursue personal growth because you think you should.

Lastly, start small. Push yourself a little more than you want to each day. There's no hurry and there's no reason to make yourself miserable running towards the future. Give yourself a break, start slowly, and inch towards a meaningful life.