Wanting to be Better Than Other People

[soos_mite_ah]

How do you deal with the desire to want to be the best or to want to be better than others?  I have encountered a lot of this with other people and I have found this tendency in myself in varying degrees. I know it comes from a place of insecurity, notion of scarcity, and wanting to be loved over the other person and those are somethings to address ultimately with self love but I'm also curious in regards to other ways of looking at this. 

[Mu_]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

How do you deal with the desire to want to be the best or to want to be better than others?  I have encountered a lot of this with other people and I have found this tendency in myself in varying degrees. I know it comes from a place of insecurity, notion of scarcity, and wanting to be loved over the other person and those are somethings to address ultimately with self love but I'm also curious in regards to other ways of looking at this. 

If you really want to find out don’t assume it comes from insecurity, go into with really not knowing what the reason. 

To often there are spiritual stereotypes that people adopt and rob themselves of actually finding out. Each person so to say is very different and while yes some groups wanting to be better comes from insecurity, not all. Find out be organic and apply what I’m pointing out in all yiu look into ?  

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, BlackMaze said:

The best thing you can do is not to compare yourself to others but yourself to your previous self. Just concentrate on your path to mastery of whatever you want to be good at. 

1 hour ago, Mu_ said:

some groups wanting to be better comes from insecurity, not all. Find out be organic and apply what I’m pointing out in all yiu look into ? 

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be better, but I think the problem can arise when it comes to wanting to be better than someone else. There is a difference between the two. Sure inspiration and the drive to improve is great but I'm talking mainly in the context of comparison. 

 

[Byun Sean]

Its alright to feel the desire to want to be the best. But I can see how it could become unhealthy if the only reason someone pursues a certain career or hobby is with the desire to be the best.

I find that if I'm doing something because its what I love, I have a much better experience than just trying to prove myself. 

 

[Opo]

38 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be better, but I think the problem can arise when it comes to wanting to be better than someone else. There is a difference between the two. Sure inspiration and the drive to improve is great but I'm talking mainly in the context of comparison. 

You need to experience the emptiness of winning. It's really nothing special. 

[LastThursday]

Comparing is a source of suffering, because when you compare you only do so in a very specific way. You collapse your whole being into one dimension: better grades, better house, better partner, better hair etc.  The other dimensions of your being get ignored and stay underdeveloped.

To suffer less you have to pay attention to all facets of your being and let them work cohesively instead. You also need to enable this in others - lead by example rather than by comparison.

Easier said than done though!

[aurum]

16 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

How do you deal with the desire to want to be the best or to want to be better than others?  I have encountered a lot of this with other people and I have found this tendency in myself in varying degrees. I know it comes from a place of insecurity, notion of scarcity, and wanting to be loved over the other person and those are somethings to address ultimately with self love but I'm also curious in regards to other ways of looking at this. 

Same way you get over any insecurity, which is consciousness.

You've got to really become aware of why you're what you're doing.

So next time that feeling to be better than others arises, be with it. It's fine as it is. And then ask, why? Where is this coming from?

You may or may not get an answer. But I find just asking these kind of questions help. It moves unseen forces in the psyche and in spirit.

[Gesundheit]

Hehehe your spiritual ego is bullshiting you. You're imprinted with the idea that comparison and competition and inequality are "bad", while ignoring the fact that everyone is unique. Classic ego trick.

But anyway, the truth is that no one is better or worse than anyone else. Want proof? Define better and worse.

[Reciprocality]

What if the desire is to be worse, so to in the very least have a ladder to climb, having something to win, seeing better days?

Only hiding from that desire so to loose all those responsebilities which would follow? Ultimatly projecting superiority?

Perhaps THAT is desire.

[Shin]

3 hours ago, aurum said:

Same way you get over any insecurity, which is consciousness.

You've got to really become aware of why you're what you're doing.

So next time that feeling to be better than others arises, be with it. It's fine as it is. And then ask, why? Where is this coming from?

You may or may not get an answer. But I find just asking these kind of questions help. It moves unseen forces in the psyche and in spirit.

This

All the answers are inside, and if they don't come from inside they are basically worthless (concerning your emotional wellbeing).

You can know everything you want about anything you're struggling if you take the time and the emotional labor to find out why, by contemplating the emotions directly.

Usually those answers aren't easy to accept, you don't want to hear them, and this is another reason why it takes so much consciousness and energy to find out.

Most people would rather forget about it or rationalize it by blaming something or someone.

It's the difference between putting a bandage or putting alcohol on the wound.
If you only put a bandage on the wound, it only gonna gets worse, but if you put alcohol and accept the momentary pains, it heals

 

Edited October 22, 2020 by Shin

[Carl-Richard]

You deal with it by becoming more conscious.

[Nos7algiK]

Awareness in itself, is curative. Look inside yourself to find the reasons for your perceived insecurities. Look at humanity and the universe as a whole. It is literally impossible to be better than others because it's all based in the relativity of self perception. If there are infinite amounts of potential human paradigms then self worth would be like pointing out a spot in an infinity vast ocean. Every point in that ocean is it's center. You are the best "you", as an ego, that you can be at all times. The "now" is eternal therefore you are eternally the best you. But, everyone is the best "them" and there is no default template to what truly is greatness. By this very factor everyone is equal, no matter who they are or what they do. To put it simply, everything is just an experience. All experiences are required therefore, due to this requirement, all experiences are equally valid. It doesn't matter if you are close to God or not. Any other thinking will most likely manifest negative thought patterns with negative actions following. But, then again...even this mindset is equally valid so in the end it doesn't matter.

Another thing to add is the universe, at all times, is perfectly perfect. It makes no mistakes an no one can do it better than it already is doing, because you are an expression of it. If you are this perfect universe, then there is nothing again to compare yourself to but yourself. But, that's already perfection and any other thinking is a trick of the ego to give substance and perceived experiences here. The irony is, if you detach from being better than others, you will transcend yourself and be perceived as "better" by your peers. You will accomplish more by doing nothing than you ever could by doing something. Nothing is the womb in which infinite possibilities are birthed from. While something is limited to the idea of said "thing".

Edited October 22, 2020 by Nos7algiK
for added context.

[flume]

Get off social media, take deeper breaths, work on your self esteem (Nathaniel Brandens books for example), practice gratitude, live a life of purpose and most importantly: love the part of you that wants to be better than others… Befriend it, talk to it, ask what it’s here to teach you. Nothing bad about it, it just wants to be heard :-)

[Origins]

Perfectly normal relative most societies present conditioning across the world overall.

They've done so many scientific studies now that it makes perceptions to the contrary ultimately redundant, what really matters overall is:

(1) what's the competitive context
(2) what's the competitive perception (including what attitudes, beliefs, etc make up said competitive perception)

Both fuel each other, the less competitive the context then the more cooperative the dedication will be towards collectively moving towards a shared goal. At the core of it, you probably see other people as different to you, so simply work on enlightening yourself overtime. It's probably never fully going to go away, especially if you're male as its correlated with things like testosterone, but the more mature your consciousness comes in its reference frame for self versus other combined with aligning its attitudes towards competing against personal narratives rather than other peoples narratives you'll have a much greater fighting chance.

[Brittany]

I would take this chart with a Grain of Salt haha But it can be a useful tool.

PRIDE aka "wanting to be the best or to want to be better than others" is number 175. 

Read about Death, Loss and Decay. It is helpful for shutting pride down.

If death is too depressing, then Non-Duality is also helpful for shutting pride down too. Non-duality puts a sword into the heart of pride.

Non-duality moves you into Neutrality which is number 250 on David's chart.

Edited October 24, 2020 by Brittany