I AM MISERABLE

[angelove]

Hi, I'm a 20 yer old who is doing very well for himself. I go to university, I work part time, I make good money from my job, I receive rent from my rental properties, I have a mentor showing me how real estate works, and on he surface my life looks great,but it feels sooo empty. I have become aware of my miserary recently and now it is chasing me. Every time i meditate and have a bit of time to myself I keep having this realization again and again. Thats why i keep myself "intohicated" with media, music and work. The idea is to have no free time to contemplate but when does some up it takes me by storm.  I really dont know what to do becouse my fear of not having enough money is almost cripaling. I have money for 3 years (in college) saved up + assets equal to 5 years of normal living and i want to grow it. I want more and more money/income so that I can feel safe.  i am well awere of this problem but I am paralized and I just keep on working and saving. I barely spend any money just on the things i have to spend (uni, shelter, food, cloths, shoes, transportation, internet and bills) and iam ultimatly affraid that i will go broke and i will be working some lame ass job. How do i deal with this fear of not having enough money, so that i can strt living life?

[willl]

Wouldn't you feel safer if you could rely on your own inner-stability, skills and abilities, so if life decides to collapse all of your income sources you will feel confident you can make it? One reason you may have so much anxiety around money is it's not a permanent and stable thing. It's only a system of measurement. 

A wild animal deals with disaster repeatedly, and each time: they find new, build new, over and over

You have to accept that everything can be lost tomorrow. If you can't accept this and move on, you will suffer. But since it's here now, you can use it for what it's for (uni, shelter, food, cloths, shoes, transportation, internet and bills) notice how you didn't include everlasting peace and infinite love in your list.....so start looking in the right place

[Ananta]

@willl ?❤

Excellent post!

[silene]

There's plenty of millionaires around who are still insecure about losing their money, health, looks etc. But you're young and insightful enough to avoid falling into that trap of negative motivation (I need to get money because I'm afraid of being poor) rather than positive motivation (I'm doing what I love and getting rewarded well for it). 

What is your motivation for your life choices? Is this (university, job, landlord) your life purpose, your passion, or are you doing it mainly for the money without really enjoying the work? Did you choose these things yourself, or were you influenced by other people like family, friends, teachers? No judgement of you or anybody, we all need to earn a living, but it helps to be in touch with our inner feelings which inform our outward choices. 

By the way, you've got lots of positives to celebrate, being financially independent and standing on your own feet at a young age, you've learned some awesome life skills already

[Nahm]

15 hours ago, angelove said:

Hi, I'm a 20 yer old who is doing very well for himself. I go to university, I work part time, I make good money from my job, I receive rent from my rental properties, I have a mentor showing me how real estate works, and on he surface my life looks great,but it feels sooo empty. I have become aware of my miserary recently and now it is chasing me. Every time i meditate and have a bit of time to myself I keep having this realization again and again. Thats why i keep myself "intohicated" with media, music and work. The idea is to have no free time to contemplate but when does some up it takes me by storm.  I really dont know what to do becouse my fear of not having enough money is almost cripaling. I have money for 3 years (in college) saved up + assets equal to 5 years of normal living and i want to grow it. I want more and more money/income so that I can feel safe.  i am well awere of this problem but I am paralized and I just keep on working and saving. I barely spend any money just on the things i have to spend (uni, shelter, food, cloths, shoes, transportation, internet and bills) and iam ultimatly affraid that i will go broke and i will be working some lame ass job. How do i deal with this fear of not having enough money, so that i can strt living life?

You’re not ‘having a realization again & again’. Gotta swap that lens / distinction. That particular perspective isn’t resonating with you. A thought which doesn’t resonate is not a ‘realization’. Realize points more like ‘actualize’. Realize your dream for this life, allow it to be actualized. We can not hold in mind what doesn’t feel good, while legitimately expecting...to feel good, and ‘full’ of our being. 

Make a dreamboard. Soon it’ll be filled with lots of what you love, and it will be realized the feeling of desire is not per se for ‘things’, but for the thrill, the ‘aliveness’ of now. More pragmatically speaking, the entirety of your life experience, in using the dreamboard, will paint itself a picture of a most fulfilling & most ideal specifically for you vision going forward. Thinking about ‘doing’ that is not the direct experience of it. Gotta do it and see. 

Money is made up, by us. We are Happiness. 

When that perspective arises...try out other perspectives. Feel them, and feel your way in the reaching for a more resonating better feeling perspective. See perspectives are like shoes, but feeling never comes, and never goes. Live & abide accordingly. 

[angelove]

@willl  Yes, I am attached to this idea of being rich. That’s how I think of myself – a rich man/an investor/financially independent. Honestly maybe I am not ready to go for infinite love and consciousness work. My idea is to work for the next couple of years 5-10y and build a strong financial foundation 3-4 payed off rentals ideally and be financially independent. My idea with this is to get worrying about money out of my way as soon as possible, but I have enslaved myself to this exact fear I want to resolve by going all in on chasing money.

[angelove]

19 hours ago, silene said:

What is your motivation for your life choices?

At this moment my chices are skewed towards making money. But not at all cost. Recently i quit my job as a reale estate agent because I saw that it involved a lot of laying and manipulation. So currently i am working as a server in a "green" restaurant.

19 hours ago, silene said:

Did you choose these things yourself, or were you influenced by other people like family, friends, teachers?

I got into real estate from YouTube - Meet Kevin, Graham Stephan. They tend to show a lot of behind the scenes of building wealth in RE (real estate), and I am applying those ideas in my country. That's why I became an RE agent, that is why I bought property. But now 2 years into it i like it. I like the math, the renovations and I am looking forward doing more projects

[angelove]

20 hours ago, Nahm said:

You’re not ‘having a realization again & again’. Gotta swap that lens / distinction. That particular perspective isn’t resonating with you. A thought which doesn’t resonate is not a ‘realization’. Realize points more like ‘actualize’. Realize your dream for this life, allow it to be actualized. We can not hold in mind what doesn’t feel good, while legitimately expecting...to feel good, and ‘full’ of our being. 

So, this idea of me being miserable is not a realization and I need to shift it toward something more positive of an idea? And that is why you recommend a dream board as a way of positive motivation and conscious shift in intent and actions.

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, angelove said:

So, this idea of me being miserable is not a realization and I need to shift it toward something more positive of an idea?

Would you hold your hand on a hot stove?

4 hours ago, angelove said:

And that is why you recommend a dream board as a way of positive motivation and conscious shift in intent and actions.

For the direct experience. 

[LeoX8]

@angelove The best way to deal with a fear? FACE IT.

I think you have seen how much improvement you have had by trying to not see this fear, not contemplate it and basically avoid it at all costs.

The improvements are just what you are experiencing: storms hits, and heavy ones.

Try to embrace fully this fear and let it flow through you. Are you wooried about doing this? Good, it means that is a move that will make you grow.

See all the visions that scares you the most and stand still. You will feel like dying, but you won't. This fear won't kill you. See how you can survive and be happy even if the worst case scenario happens, and see how you react to it.

Also, you won't be happier if you have more money or success in general. Happiness is a state of being not something that you get from something

Last thing: accept this fear. You have fear of not having enough money, accept it. Don't resist this in any way. Being fearful of something isn't a bad thing, is just a thing. The fear won't hurt you or damage you, and you aren't "stupid" or "bad" for feeling it. 

This desire to change is just the love that you have for yourself. You want to stop suffering to start feeling happy, this desire comes from you and it's all full of love. You are wonderful and you can change in any time, I know you can, just be a little bit brave. 

Love yourself as much as you can for all this effort you are putting into this.

hope this has helped<3

[silene]

10 hours ago, angelove said:

At this moment my chices are skewed towards making money. But not at all cost. Recently i quit my job as a reale estate agent because I saw that it involved a lot of laying and manipulation. So currently i am working as a server in a "green" restaurant.

You have values and principles, care about other people, not manipulating them for selfish reasons, that's good, you have empathy and see it from the other's point of view.

10 hours ago, angelove said:

But now 2 years into it i like it. I like the math, the renovations and I am looking forward doing more projects

Good again, it's not just about the money, you have found something you like doing. 

The thing is, freedom to run your business doing what you love comes at the price of insecurity. You are working in the free market, with no limit on how much money you can make, or lose. If you want a safe income, security, you need to give up your freedom and be a wage slave working for someone else (like me ha ha). But that's an illusion anyway, or at least the security is only relative, we can lose our jobs. Ultimately we have to lose everything in the long run when we die. In the meantime we need to know ourselves well enough to see what lifestyle is the best fit for us. 

[angelove]

On 10/21/2020 at 2:56 PM, silene said:

What is your motivation for your life choices? Is this (university, job, landlord) your life purpose, your passion, or are you doing it mainly for the money without really enjoying the work? Did you choose these things yourself, or were you influenced by other people like family, friends, teachers?

This is really important - I don't like my major (philosophy) I feel like I'm forced to know by heart the ideas of other people. That's all BS to me especially when this is done out of any context (historical or spiral).

My new job doesn't file most of it's income to the IRS and I hate it. I make good money but I don't have to do fraud.

Being a landlord is just a result of having property I have nothing against it.

What I envision my life to be is way more different than what I'm currently living. I want to change cities, I want to be in real estate for myself, and I would like to have a 20-30h/workweek just to pay the bills  and have the rest of the time to myself.

My current life is 20-25h/week University, 30h/w job, 60h/w sleep and approximately 50 free hours which are just lost on bullshit like YT, mucis and other shit like that.

And I think I just realized why I'm not liking my life - 60% of my time I despise what I do