Is It Possible I Have Changed?

[Rilles]

I've been making music since I was 14... And I've always dreamed of doing that as I living... I always knew that was what I wanted to do...

But now I've been to therapy for a few months and realized I used my music-career dreams partly as a coping mechanism for low-self esteem and when things didnt turn out how I planned... I would use setbacks like bad grades to say "Oh well Im gonna be famous anyway".

Since going to therapy everytime I try to make music now I feel burned out and I dont feel stimulated by it... Every thing just sounds decent... But I cant really connect to it. 

I've feel I've become someone else... Like I want a better education and some "intellectual" type of job instead, maybe become a social worker or go abroad if I'm lucky and help starving children lol.

They say every 7 years you change as a person... In 1 and 1/2 years ill be 28... 

What do you think?

[Guest SirVladimir]

I can't remember whether we two spoke about something similar in the past here because I have a memory of an aquarium fish. Your authenticity is easily the most natural thing to you (but it may seem as the hardest). Similarly (and inversely to you), I went full-circle with writing. It was the first thing I had done as a child, and then I got brainwashed into thinking I want a technical job because social pressure. It took around 14 years for me to come back to where I had started. I realize this story is most likely irrelevant, but maybe it will poke a head in the burrow. 

4 hours ago, Rilles said:

help starving children lol.

It's always the "lol statement" about which we feel the most genuine, isn't it? 

"My deepest & most noble desire is to [insert here], but lol, c'mon..."

Edited October 20, 2020 by SirVladimir

[NatureB]

I feel the same. I used playing guitar as a way to get attention. Like you, I am also doing therapy plus tons of meditation. I've been thinking similarly about it in that I feel I have changed and become a different person. I don't feel very connected to music as much so I put it down for now. Not selling my guitar but just not playing it like I was.

It's okay and natural for inauthentic pursuits to fall away on the healing/spiritual path. Don't feel bad about it.

What are you thinking of doing instead? Or will you relax into the unknowingness for now?

[Rilles]

10 hours ago, SirVladimir said:

I can't remember whether we two spoke about something similar in the past here because I have a memory of an aquarium fish.

Haha... I have posted similar things.

Your authenticity is easily the most natural thing to you (but it may seem as the hardest). Similarly (and inversely to you), I went full-circle with writing. It was the first thing I had done as a child, and then I got brainwashed into thinking I want a technical job because social pressure. It took around 14 years for me to come back to where I had started. I realize this story is most likely irrelevant, but maybe it will poke a head in the burrow. 

Seems Im the opposite... Ive brainwashed myself into thinking I have to be someone"special". Certainly nothing wrong with having big goals but a balance is needed. 

It's always the "lol statement" about which we feel the most genuine, isn't it? 

I feel like I want to get in to some dangerous situation haha... Where I can expand my consciousness by seeing the "real" world or something. Get out of the ivory tower perhaps. 

"My deepest & most noble desire is to [insert here], but lol, c'mon..."

I will follow my lols. 

 

[flume]

I've had many such pulls in my life and usually allowed myself to follow them. They seemed to go into totally different directions at first sight but if I take a deeper look, they all circle around the same basic topic/ interest. Maybe you'll find that music was just one side of a coin you really want to explore in it's entirety, and now it's time for a different one. 

Have you taken the Life Purpose Course btw? It can really help you plunge into the depths of you most authentic desires.

P.s.: It's impossible to not change 

Good luck!

[meow_meow]

On 10/20/2020 at 7:48 PM, Rilles said:

I want a better education and some "intellectual" type of job instead,

Go for it!

I guess there's no better option then just to face the fact what your therapist told you, and start working on your new career. Remember that ego doesn't like change, so you'll most likely will experience negative emotions and an ego backlash.

I know this from myself because I shifted careers from a debt collector (it's not as bad as it sounds) to a developer. Yeah.. it's rough at the beginning but totally worth it, so good luck to you!

[Rilles]

11 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

I guess there's no better option then just to face the fact what your therapist told you, and start working on your new career. Remember that ego doesn't like change, so you'll most likely will experience negative emotions and an ego backlash.

My therapist didnt tell me that... I discovered it after going to therapy... Yeah... Im just mulling it over right now, I still love music alot. 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Rilles

[angelove]

I'm far from being a role model myself but in my life I try to follow my feelings/intuition as much as I can. So if you're drawn to doing intellectual work go for it. Maybe later on you will discover that the work will become Integrated with your music. 

[Rilles]

8 minutes ago, angelove said:

I'm far from being a role model myself but in my life I try to follow my feelings/intuition as much as I can. So if you're drawn to doing intellectual work go for it. Maybe later on you will discover that the work will become Integrated with your music. 

That is very true! Thank you for that!?? Never know what the universe has in store when it nudges your intution  

[Rilles]

On 22/10/2020 at 10:49 PM, flume said:

I've had many such pulls in my life and usually allowed myself to follow them. They seemed to go into totally different directions at first sight but if I take a deeper look, they all circle around the same basic topic/ interest. Maybe you'll find that music was just one side of a coin you really want to explore in it's entirety, and now it's time for a different one. 

Have you taken the Life Purpose Course btw? It can really help you plunge into the depths of you most authentic desires.

P.s.: It's impossible to not change 

Good luck!

Yeah! Seems when you relax and flow with life these pulls feel more natural and its not that scary to let go of things you love. 

Yep, the Life Purpose Course is fantastic! Ive taken it to help me with my music career but maybe I can take it having something else in mind too