Is It Ok To Sleep Around?

[Kallan]

Hi i'm just wondering if people think it's ok to sleep around. I'm only 19 years old and haven't really met anyone I want to start a serious relationship with yet but am testing the waters. I see all the negativity towards pickup culture but is it ok to sleep around until you find that special someone? There are people I could date but don't really have string enough feelings for someone to start a genuine relationship. So if pickuo to wrong then what should I do just put my love life on hold until I find someone, date someone just because or continue pickup? It's a big question but maybe someone out there with more life experience can help. 

[Guest]

You should welcome the opportunities. I did it in the past during my high school years. I had been with many girls until I understand that it didn't work for me. But welcoming the opportunities is a good thing to do. 

[Pola]

To my mind you would rather try all possible things in life (which dont actively harm you or people around you) while being yang, than later.. feeling like you didnt actually did what you always wanted to. If i could choose dating a guy with lots of experience or the one that didnt really have it and i am the first one, or even the third one in his life, i would definitely choose the one with experience. I believe it is ok to sleep around if your are being responsible (safe sex etc) and being honest like not playing love but saying straight that you are here for sex only. I deeply respect honest guys and they dont get less sex than liars.. usually its vice versa. I believe in honest pick up without games and tricks but the guy should be really truly self confident or at least pretend well like to be the one. 

[Tiger]

Do what you want.It's natural to be insecure about that thing cause the idea that the women who are sleeping with lots of guys are sluts.But if you feel like doing it just do it and dont care about what others are thinking about you

[Harry]

I would 100% advise you to take the opportunity now, while you're young, to experience all you can of the dating scene. It can be a huge trap at such a your age to get sucked into a long-term relationship or even marriage with the first person who you feel a connection to.

You don't have enough experience to accurately judge whether a person will be right for you in the long term, or whether your view is being clouded by infatuation.

Don't feel like sleeping around is a bad thing, it's perfectly fine if, like @Pola said, you are honest about your position and don't manipulate and deceive your partner. This is usually where the pick-up community gets under fire. Many use shady techniques and tricks to get the girl into bed no matter what her agenda is. Many lie to the girl, telling her they will be loyal to her and want to be in a relationship. Being inauthentic and dishonest will rot you from the inside anyway so i would stay way from that.

You could have a look at some of the more honest and authentic pick-up and dating gurus. My favourite is Coach Corey Wayne who stresses being authentic and true to yourself, focusing primarily on your purpose, which will make you magnetic to girls and guys alike. You can get his book for free on his website and he uploads daily on his youtube channel.

I have also heard good things about 'Models: Attract Women Through Honesty' but haven't tried it personally.

Best of luck, 

Harry

[Niki]

12 hours ago, Kallan said:

Hi i'm just wondering if people think it's ok to sleep around. I'm only 19 years old and haven't really met anyone I want to start a serious relationship with yet but am testing the waters. I see all the negativity towards pickup culture but is it ok to sleep around until you find that special someone? There are people I could date but don't really have string enough feelings for someone to start a genuine relationship. So if pickuo to wrong then what should I do just put my love life on hold until I find someone, date someone just because or continue pickup? It's a big question but maybe someone out there with more life experience can help. 

I don't have life experience, but remember asking my mentor something else that started the same way your question did. "Is it ok to .., do something I want and am curious about?" She answered me this - The more you forbid something to yourself the more you will want to do it. Not letting yourself do something is a waste of time because once you do it and get it out of your system you will move on. If it's a part of who you are you will probably keep doing it. She is a wise woman. I hope this helped.

[clytaemnestra]

Do how you feel about it. I myself am not a person that could sleep with someone without any emotions, because for me sex is more spiritual than physical thing. It doesn't have to do anything with morals, it is just that I'm an introvert and I need a lot of time to trust people and show them emotions.

But if it is okay for you, why not then?

[Natalya]

Sleep with some - not many - now, before you meet your Mr Right because if you don't, you'll always be wondering what it's like with other guys and you'll end up cheating. 5 would be a good number to give you the idea. But ALWAYS use protection - your mouth too. It's funny how people think they're having protected sex with an unprotected mouth.
Night stands are ok ONLY if you're THAT much into the guy.

[SenshiAna]

@Kallan: Like @Natalya said, it's ok to sleep around to gain some experience - and I am not only talking about sexual experience, but also learning how the other gender operates. But you should be careful, however: it's food for the ego, and if you don't have your goals clear in your head, you may end up being used and hurt / using others and hurting them. Always be straightforward with your intentions, and ask for the same from the guy.

I was 7 years in a relationship with my first bf, and though I never cheated on him, the thought os "how's it like with other guys?" came across my mind several times. So, yeah... gain some experience before mr. RIght

Edited February 10, 2016 by SenshiAna

[Natalya]

@SenshiAna, yep, just like you, I was in a 7-year relationship with my first man and was always wondering what it would be like with others.

Also, regarding food for the ego, it's very true, especially dangerous for women with low self-esteem.

[Lynnel]

Nothing is bad in itself.

There is nothing morally wrong with it.

It depends if you come from a lower or higher consciousness paradigm.

If you do it to feed your ego, still do it, notice the pattern and cleanse yourself.

If not, well, enjoy as much as you want. Limiting yourself to a precise number sounds unjustified for me.

On 9/2/2016 at 6:20 PM, Harry said:

@PolaI have also heard good things about 'Models: Attract Women Through Honesty' but haven't tried it personally.

Best of luck, 

Harry

Careful here : although it might be a great book, most often when things are that EASY (in this book the whole point is : be yourself come up and say HI I want you) there are A LOT of underlying premisses and nuances. Unless you have handled your life really well to a great extent, this book will be pointless.
 

[Harry]

30 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

 

Careful here : although it might be a great book, most often when things are that EASY (in this book the whole point is : be yourself come up and say HI I want you) there are A LOT of underlying premisses and nuances. Unless you have handled your life really well to a great extent, this book will be pointless.
 

Cheers for the feedback! Could you elaborate on a few things please: 

1) what do you mean by premises and nuances? 

2) what sort of things would you need to have handled? Limiting believes? Self-esteem issues? Inferiority complexes? 

 

[Natalya]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

Limiting yourself to a precise number sounds unjustified for me

@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically. 

[foshau23]

@Natalya Putting a specific number on the guys a girl should/can sleep with doesn't make sense. What if number 6 is her prince in shining armor? I've dated girls who have had sex with way more than 5 guys and I didn't label them. A woman shouldn't be concerned with what society thinks of her, as they are probably wrong. If she's having sex for the right reasons, why worry about the number? +2 points @Lynnel

[Natalya]

2 hours ago, Lynnel said:

Limiting yourself to a precise number sounds unjustified for me

@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically. 

[Natalya]

Obviously, 5 is an approximate number. I'd like to hear a woman's perspective on this. Guys cannot fully relate to how a woman may feel after sleeping with many men who are wrong for her. 

[Binary Encoded Sunset]

I guess you can do what you like provided you're aware of the consequences. I was a very lonely kid but I waited until I fell for someone before having sex for the first time (which took forming a band to achieve haha) I was 18. The first experience was kinda rubbish, I came almost instantly & would've been embarassed had I not been so cheerful about "getting laid" for the first time. That ended up in a beautiful 3 year relationship with very intimate multiple-orgasmic sex, my first apartment/ partnership & proper job - it also lead to my first heartbreak but we're still really good friends, in fact, I recently attended her wedding! I can't really get into the idea of sleeping with someone unless there's a connection there. The kind where your eyes fix & you intuitively register an attraction. Once a few years ago, I was drunk & a bit miserable on NYE & ended up having my first one night stand with someone who I didn't feel much of a connection with. It felt pretty empty but hey ho - another notch right? Man points right? Hmmmm... not sure it's my thing. Not all guys are just in it for the sex but it's up to you if an emotional connection is something you need. I wouldn't pick up anyone I don't feel a real spark & connection with but I love understanding the ins & outs of pick up.

Here's a fun interaction I had at a bar this weekend:

Girl: "Does anyone know how to cure hiccups?"
Me: "Yeah, a german doctor taught me how to do this but you might not like it. I'm just gonna apply some pressure around your solar plexus, tell me if it hurts."
Girl: "Solar plexus? Ouch... *pauses* wow, you really cured my hiccups, you're awesome!"
Me: "Yeah, & I got to feel your chest so I guess we both win."

She was into me after that! But I wasn't into her - so after politely accepting some uncomfortably flirty gratitude, I went somewhere else. I've only slept with about 7 people in total. 5 of which were relationships of varying depths & qualities. All of them had slept with more people than I! Except one or 2... I think!

[foshau23]

@Natalya Sure, men and women are wired differently but how men react to sleeping around versus how women react to sleeping around cannot be so black and white. For instance, one of my best guy friends has had sex with 3 girls in his life as he has become quickly emotionally attached to each of his partners while I have a girl friend that is quite the opposite; she just knows what she wants and is patiently waiting but still enjoys sex now and again.

Not advocating to go out and bang everything that walks but I think it's important to be open minded to the possibility that others don't feel exactly how you feel about sex and giving anecdotal evidence about "being labeled" and how other women feel should be done with caution. That being said, do what makes you happy - I'm not here to judge, nor is my opinion any more valid than yours!

[Baby]

No! You shouldn't sleep around ... Your bed is a sanctuary. Respect it. It may bring about the company of a few warm bodies but you should also be very picky ... It's your bed after all...

[Arthur M]

Stop caring what that thing called "society" think of you? Who would care if I labelled let say any of you guys here as a dick? Not someone with just basic self development. Labels are invalids if yourself don't believe in em. Sure it is funny how when guys talk about their multiple partners they are praised vs women treated as sluts (sucks even more since in reality they do like sex more than men ) but ultimately the choice is yours. Deprive yourself from learning about a whole important side of life concerning relationships just because you want to keep your image of Mr/Ms Righteousness just to feed your ego, OR dropping the BS and start being yourself? To drop my 2 cents on this topic, I would say date and experience with as many partners as you want and every time make sure you kept something from the previous experience.