Progress Journal October 20 2020

[Preety_India]

Joseph was a narcissistic pig /asshole. 

And narcissists justify everything in their playbook. In their eyes they are never wrong. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Ingredients of Life

• Positivity 
• Growth 
• Protection 
• Abundance 
• Love 
• Maturity 
• Wisdom 

[Preety_India]

spokes of a wheel. 

The wheel of life. 

All ingredients should run with cohesion and in tandem and complete balance and in harmony with each other. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 nihilism  optimism 

 selflessness selfishness. 

 weakness  strength 

empathy  survival. 

charity survival 

 threat  opportunity 

gains and losses, pros and cons. 

 abundance   scarcity 

 higher wisdom  higher truth 

 fear   optimism 

 logic, rationality  idealism 

 emotions  intellect. 

 positivity  negativity 

 liberalism conservativism. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Ingredients of Life

 

Positivity 

Growth 

Protection 

charity

selfishness

negativity

higher wisdom

optimism 

Abundance 

 fear 

nihilism

Love 

strength

liberalism

higher truth

survival

opportunity

intellect

weakness

selflessness

logic /rationality

Maturity 

scarcity

emotions

Counterintuitive 

idealism

threat

conservativism

Victimhood

resilience

Empowerment 

Security 

empathy

Intuitive 

Skepticism 

Insecurity 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Some people, they just bring this huge negative ball of energy in your life. 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Killing the womb

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

What I have learned through life, living my life up to now, that sometimes abundance mindset can be dangerous. 

All my life I was a very abundant type of human being. 

 

[Preety_India]

There is a certain truth to what Arc is saying here. That abundance mindset can be sometimes dangerous. 

I tried to do some shadow work in the last few days because I was constantly having thoughts of Joseph and the abusive relationship I had with him. 

And I kept asking myself, why I attracted such people in my life. 

And when I asked the same question on the forum, often people told me that it was my low self esteem. 

I agree that I do suffer from low self esteem. 

But it's not I was actively looking for approval in a relationship, I wasn't deliberately humiliating myself in any way. 

I think the bigger problem was not low self esteem. I tried to do a bit of self analysis in the past few days 

And I what I recollected is that every time a person offended me or they hurt me or if they violated my boundaries, I instantly forgave them. I just let them do what they wanted. I did not punish them..

And I tried to trace back where such tendencies in me were coming from. And I saw that I was very much like my Dad(who passed away years ago). My dad was a very generous and helpful kind forgiving calm man. 

And often his kindness would be ermataken for granted or be conflate with weakness by his friends and acquaintances..He had a very abundant mindset. He used to be very generous, like there was nothing to fear, nothing to be insecure about, if anyone did something wrong, he would instantly forgive them, he had this big big heart and he believed in being this charitable big hearted person. He believed in being abundant in terms of showing love, affection, kindness and forgiveness. This often caused people to break his boundaries because he never punished anyone. 

I always looked up to him as a child and somehow I had internalized his qualities because to me he was a hero. 

Over time as I grew up, I was also very helpful, kind, generous (I helped many people financially, often to my own detriment), loving, big hearted type of person, I never thought that one should hold back love, I always believed in being completely non judgmental and generous and helpful and kind and never be short on showing love. 

But I believed that being this person meant that I was hoping to make this world a better place and curing people's sufferings in a small manner. 

However every time I was kind to someone, I instantly met with Backstabbing and betrayal. It used to leave me very hurt. 

I used to build these wonderful relationships with the men in my life only to realize in the last minute that they were just playing with my heart and using me to their advantage. It would hurt a lot. Because it had turned into a toxic cycle, the amount of love that I was showing to them, they weren't showing the same love in return, or not even a fraction of it. It was me who was  generally the sufferer in the relationship, absorbing the shock and tension and  hurt/pain in the relationship meanwhile the other person would simply walk away like nothing happened. Because they were not emotionally invested, they were not generous or loving like me, they were simply feeding on me. 

Now if this is due to the causation of human nature or if this is because kind people tend to attract narcissists or if this is because even good people tend to act narcissistic around kind people and begin to take them for granted or that this world is a horribly cruel parasitic place. I don't know which one is the cause. 

So when I processed all these feelings over the last few days where I began to realize how my abundant nature was hurting my survival by making me feel very powerful, fearless and very optimistic to the point that I never let any Insecurity become my defense mechanism. 

I was never skeptical in a relationship. I never thought or believed that another person could hurt me, that I should be ready to protect myself from such hurt. It never occurred to me, because abundance mindset meant that I could just sit relaxed without being skeptical about the red flags in the relationship. It meant letting go, it meant never taking anything seriously but having this huge heart and simply forgiving everything. 

Now I see the point. 

That Insecurity and scarcity also have their own value in terms of survival. That if you are insecure about something you're more likely to take steps to protect yourself from the interpretations of that Insecurity 

For example if you are unsecure about money, you are more likely to save money. 

If you are insecure about relationships, you are more likely to be careful about what sort of people you let into your life. 

So in some manner the fear arising out of Insecurity becomes the basis for protecting oneself and self defense and survival. 

 

So now I see that both abundance and scarcity are necessary for life

 

 

 

 

On 11/2/2020 at 10:11 AM, Arcangelo said:

Nah. He has admitted more than once that he is arrogant. That's his level of development. Being humble prolly feels fake for him so he is arrogant by default.

Also, Leo is a PUA and a millionaire to become that he most likely had to develop an abundance mindset. When yo have an abundance mindset you DGAF. I repeat: when you develop an abundance mindset you don't give a fuck about offending anyone with your opinions.

I bet $100 that Leo doesn't GAF if he looses ALL of his subscribers tonight. He will be surprised, but he won't give a fuck.

 

I might be projecting. IDGAF if I am.

 

 

Arc

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:13 AM, DrewNows said:

hey i will reply back to your post on the martin thread soon, i am not in a place to socialize at this time. But i will say empathy is not the purpose of spirituality, compassion, that's the key, empathy can easily become toxic, enabling the dynamic of victimizing/victim-hood 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:03 PM, DrewNows said:

Hey would you mind just speaking here about it rather than openly? Do you see the negative side to empathy and how it can turn into toxic relatability? 

martin is a great empathic dude, but he is still seeking out and creating the unhealthy dynamic in his perception of others, like it's actually going to help them connect. Compassion connects, not empathy. Spirituality is all about feeling and connection not necessarily relation

 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:05 PM, Preety_India said:

Yes I want to discuss. 

Isn't empathy the same as compassion 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:07 PM, DrewNows said:

no it's not because empathy isn't necessarily "holding space" for someone to work out their own problems, it can be as toxic as jumping into their space to "rescue" them and in turn, teach them it's okay to be like crap "as long as someone like me is here to rescue you", and so they learn they need to stay in the low state until someone comes in to lift them up. Compassion is lending an ear, holding space but not taking on the energy of another. Does this make sense? 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:11 PM, DrewNows said:

someone who has too much empathy will be used by energy vampires, they actually help promote the devilry they despise when it comes to manipulators and narcissists It's so pointless to look at these energy dynamics strictly from one side, because it doesn't get the full picture view, There would be no narcissists without the self sacrificers or selfless empaths. I myself am an empath, sometimes i lose all sense of boundary, people will easily drain me of my high vibrational energy. 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:11 PM, Preety_India said:

Don't you think some people need rescuing in this world.

That if they were rescued they would do so much better. 

If I had godly powers, I would rescue the whole world in a heartbeat... 

 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:14 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm a huge empath. It causes me to sometimes have mental breakdowns seeing someone suffer and being in their shoes. 

This has often caused me to get entangled with narcissistic energy vampire leeches who would then use me as a personal punching bag.. 

So I have decided to be vigilant and not myself to be used and abused and discarded. 

 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:17 PM, Preety_India said:

Yea I understand your perspective of misplaced empathy causing narcissistic baiters to get attracted and start feeding on that empathy. 

 

I do see your point and it's valid. 

But sometimes let's say a person is in genuine distress and needs help and is not a narcissist. Maybe they need someone to understand their feelings and pain. Maybe they would feel better if someone understood them and also helped them get back to security. 

In such times an empath can be useful. 

 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:25 PM, DrewNows said:

hell no, i want people to recognize their god given abilities, rescuing can be okay if it is clear we are doing it for us, not for them. THat it is not to be expected. once it becomes expected, that's when the dynamic gets toxic 

 

the birth chart called me the wise empath, i think it's because i have always been able to use both sides of the dynamic, and to block it from reoccuring if it's not actually supporting any longer. Sometimes i struggle too though, i lose myself because all my attention is lost in the people around me. you seem like you are learning well, but does it make sense why i would differentiate between empathy and compassion? Weak beings do need some empathy until they can take on the pain themselves but if they aren't willing to go inward, it's so foolish to play their empath

thank you i see this we are on the same level, if someone cannot see themselves yet, they need be informed, this will often look like cruel/abusive type of behavior, but when it's given at the right time, it's teaching with a polar shift 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:29 PM, DrewNows said:

There was a time when i left home to live on my own and i would use my mom for emotional stability because i was too afraid to create the friend/intimacy dynamics out of my environment. Eventually i realized what i had been doing, and i felt so ashamed i completely stopped calling her for any "needing saving" reasons. Anyways, life is hard, i guess that's what makes it worth living, nobody wants to be handed everything. Not respect will be had

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:30 PM, Preety_India said:

 

I have been a foolish empath many times. 

That's why these days I constantly use the word Vigilance in my journals to remind myself that I need to be vigilant of those who could use my empathy to feed on me. 

 

 

On 10/14/2020 at 7:56 PM, DrewNows said:

Ralph smart just did a video yesterday about energy vampires. I am really trying to understand how energy is exchanged via touch and other forms of mental manipulation 

Yesterday i felt like i had no defenses. I am naturally on a high frequency because of my diet changes, transition away from dense foods, but this doesn't mean i cannot be in low states, it just means that i cannot store the negative emotions like others unless i consume food

I played in a soccer game for the first time in a long time just last night, but i didn't have the right mental boundaries to protect my energy. Naturally the high frequency is absorbed by the more dense individuals, so my energy was being leeched all game, when i got close to someone i was literally stunted, or frozen, then i felt awful because i was unable to perform well. I noticed my energy had been influencing all the energy on the field. Everyone was tired/exhausted, i had teammates at half time saying they felt like they wanted to take a nap. I felt so out of place, i didn't share my awareness with the team but i felt incapable of changing my mood/attitude to create solid boundaries 

 

On 10/15/2020 at 2:35 AM, Preety_India said:

 

Yea energy gets robbed in so many ways. People leech off you and destroy your morale. 

When people manipulate you they take away your potential for life. 

It's hard to detect manipulation. 

But being vigilant helps a lot. 

 

 

On 10/15/2020 at 11:02 AM, DrewNows said:

you’re a lot of fun to work with  

You know what really needs to be reconsidered/questioned? Ancient history and everything in the history books. 

on another note there’s a great older movie called “they live” and it’s fabulous rendition of the powers that be controlling society beyond the human mind. None of it is believable but it’s a great flick for reflection. The lower level energy stages are creating the problems we face in the system of societies today 

 

On 10/15/2020 at 11:35 AM, DrewNows said:

This evening has been full of downloads, how lovely it has been to find communication. I originally had it easier as in my focus is on humanitarian and societal changes to reach higher balance in any out of date system utilities of the mind body soul generator 

 

On 10/15/2020 at 11:36 AM, Preety_India said:

Great evening. Great downloads. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

It changed because people changed. 

 

With every new generation, the mentality shifts a bit towards progressive to make societies safer for everyone including marginalized communities. 

 

It's like karma with its sunny side up. 

 

 

Karma is rooted in our consciousness. 

 

The last sentence gives me a deep calm.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Right from the point of conception, life was never about judgement (and so also relationships), life was all about growth, survival and protection. 

That's all that mattered. 

So success is just immaterial. 

Life has nothing to do with winning and losing. 

 

So there are 2 sides here. 

One is abundance and the other is scarcity.

And only a fine balance between the two brings the right side up in life. 

 

[Preety_India]

like it's actually going to help them connect. Compassion connects, not empathy. 

 

 

 

  On 10/14/2020 at 7:05 PM, Preety_India said:

Yes I want to discuss. 

 

Isn't empathy the same as compassion 

 

 

 

  On 10/14/2020 at 7:07 PM, DrewNows said:

no it's not because empathy isn't necessarily "holding space" for someone to work out their own problems, it can be as toxic as jumping into their space to "rescue" them and in turn, teach them it's okay to be like crap "as long as someone like me is here to rescue you", and so they learn they need to stay in the low state until someone comes in to lift them up. Compassion is lending an ear, holding space but not taking on the energy of another. Does this make sense? 

 

 

 

  On 10/14/2020 at 7:11 PM, DrewNows said:

someone who has too much empathy will be used by energy vampires, they actually help promote the devilry they despise when it comes to manipulators and narcissists It's so pointless to look at these energy dynamics strictly from one side, because it doesn't get the full picture view, There would be no narcissists without the self sacrificers or selfless empaths. I myself am an empath, sometimes i lose all sense of boundary, people will easily drain me of my high vibrational energy. 

 

That made a lot of sense. 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes you need to take ownership for how things went wrong in your life. 

If you got into bad relationships, it's not always "not your fault" because sometimes it is your fault. 

Because, it's not always that good values and intentions work. 

Certain things are needed when one has to be careful about how one is doing enough in protecting oneself! 

Is your need to be empathetic overriding your need for self preservation????? 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Karma always leads to the rude awakening of the character. 

?Not investing in self preservation is also karma

? Self destruction is also karma 

? Hurting someone is karma 

?Ignorance is also karma. 

 

Karma is what you attract to yourself by whatever causation. 

 

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

Ingredients of Life

 

Positivity 

Growth 

Protection 

charity

selfishness

negativity

higher wisdom

optimism 

Abundance 

 fear 

nihilism

Love 

strength

liberalism

higher truth

survival

opportunity

intellect

weakness

selflessness

logic /rationality

Maturity 

scarcity

emotions

Counterintuitive 

idealism

threat

conservativism

Victimhood

resilience

Empowerment 

Security 

empathy

Intuitive 

Skepticism 

Insecurity 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Right from the point of conception, life was never about judgement (and so also relationships), life was all about growth, survival and protection. 

That's all that mattered. 

So success is just immaterial. 

Life has nothing to do with winning and losing. 

 

So there are 2 sides here. 

One is abundance and the other is scarcity.

And only a fine balance between the two brings the right side up in life. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Sometimes you need to take ownership for how things went wrong in your life. 

If you got into bad relationships, it's not always "not your fault" because sometimes it is your fault. 

Because, it's not always that good values and intentions work. 

Certain things are needed when one has to be careful about how one is doing enough in protecting oneself! 

Is your need to be empathetic overriding your need for self preservation????? 

 

 

22 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

 

 

12 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Karma always leads to the rude awakening of the character. 

?Not investing in self preservation is also karma

? Self destruction is also karma 

? Hurting someone is karma 

?Ignorance is also karma. 

 

Karma is what you attract to yourself by whatever causation. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

You can't show a lot of love to someone because they will take you for granted. This is human nature. 

You need to understand human nature and how things operate in the human world. 

Tests  for a guy in a relationship 

When a man is with you only because you give him something he wants, he is not exactly loving you but simply satisfying his needs. The moment you become boring for him or when the gravy train stops, he will not want want to be with you. Because he is precisely with you for satisfying the need you're satisfying. 

He only want you as long as he is getting something from you. Such men are users and Abusers. They are not lovers. 

A true lover will be with you and you will not need to do anything to make him stay in the relationship. He wants to be with you so he won't demand anything from you. 

He won't want anything else than love and also since he is a true lover he won't cause you any suffering. 

So the simple test is this. 

Don't give the guy anything at all. Just see what he does. Just give nothing at all. No time. No money. No sex. No space. No affection. No attention. See what he does. 

Because a lot of players love bomb women and use them and then toss them into the bin or simply use them as punching bags. 

 

He should stay with you if he really wants you. If he loves you 

If he is just a parasite he will leave you immediately because he wants you for a reason 

The reason can be 

Sex, money, companionship entertainment, someone to talk, someone who he can use as a punching bag, someone who he can use as therapy friend, someone who he can use as his temporary fix for his needs. 

If he is with you for any of these reasons then he is not with you for love, rather just to use you as his fix machine. You are his vending machine. He presses the button and you give him what he wants. Such a man is a player and a user and is Incapable of love. 

The man who loves you is a man who is with you without needing anything from you. Not using you regularly. But just is happy to have found you and be with you and not because he is getting something from you. 

 

Don't offer yourself so freely to a guy 

First test him really hard. See if he can and wants to be with you despite you not following his needs. Just don't do anything for him at all and see what he does. 

This even applies to friendships. 

True friends and lovers will be with you no matter what. They won't put an obligation on you to do something for them or blackmail you emotionally if you don't. If that's the case then they are not true friends. They are simply looking for a fix , someone to fix their needs for them. They are using you as a vending machine or butler or a coffee cup. Pour the coffee, drink it and use and throw once used. You don't need such vampires in your life. You're better off without them 

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

One early red flag from Joseph was when during the initial days of our relationship I said to him, what happens if we fight too much. 

And his reply was 

"it doesn't matter. There will be fights but we will also have sex." 

I never questioned it. To him the idea of getting something was more important than the idea of love and harmony. 

What I need to see in a man is the readiness to invest his self in a relationship to create harmony and love and not just give and take.