Progress Journal October 20 2020

[Preety_India]

Been feeling very depressed today. 

But trying to stay sane. 

My mom called me early morning today and she was very abusive on the phone. 

I hung up and I cried a lot after that. 

Her mean words were pure torture 

 

Just trying to feel okay. 

People can say such mean things 

 

I will track my emotional progress. I need to feel better to do better

 

 

Edited October 20, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm surrounded by bad character third class people who consume my energy like vampires. 

 

There are 2 forces in this world. 

One is a uniting force. The other is a destructive force. 

 

 

 

Just focus on your work 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Just focus on work and progress. 

 

Only through doing work you will get freedom. 

 

Only through work 

 

 

Just beat this thing

 

Just beat this thing 

 

Just beat this thing 

 

 

Just beat this thing

 

 

Just beat this thing 

 

 

 

 

I'm insane right now. 

I need an escape.. 

I just want to kill myself. 

 

I want to stop the pain. 

 

 

 

 

Just work work work. 

 

I'm full of fury right now.. Full of fury. 

 

[Preety_India]

Once I rise up like a Phoenix from the ashes, I'll teach the world how strong I was. 

 

How to deal with a Trash woman? 

I really don't have a clue. 

Just put them in a dumpster. 

Don't give the devil the satisfaction of knowing that you hate them 

 

In general how do you deal with trash people? 

I have seen tons of trash people ?

They are like insects on a plant. They eat you up. Like a fungus on a fruit that eventually rots the food. 

That's how trash people destroy societies. 

[Preety_India]

 

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Do what makes you feel better. 

Both methods are good and both are optional. They're also dependent on the situation. 

For example if you are unhappy about a relationship situation, you could try to be positive and replace negative feelings and doubts with positive motivation and seek new partners despite having suffered setbacks in relationships. 

But if you are deeply unhappy about yourself, example low self esteem, then maybe by going deeper and focusing on these feelings and confronting these feelings, you might realize the root cause of such feelings, like childhood trauma or incidents that might have caused your mind to adopt those thoughts that are generating these feelings, this is what we do in shadow work. Also confronting such feelings can easily neutralize their impact because you can see that they are just feelings and how much they impact you depends on how much you allow them to impact you and you realize that you can let those feelings go away and disappear and not let them impact you, bringing your sense of control back to the center of your body, learning to let go bad emotions and keeping yourself protected from them. 

So both approaches can be used in different ways to your benefit. 

Hope this helps. 

 

[Preety_India]

The best way to beat the Devil. 

Work work work work work

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 21, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

It's October 28. Thank God. I have been working relentlessly on my new work project. It has made me feel a bit active. I'm so happy.. This journal was started on October 20. Right now I feel like I am giving so much to my work. 

I feel more powerful 

 

It's also time to focus on my spiritual growth. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 10/26/2020 at 2:46 PM, Preety_India said:

I want great physical and mental health, complete separation from family and a wonderful house with my boyfriend, and focus on spiritual growth 

 

 

I love this answer. 

My goals for this year and the next are 

• Great physical and mental health 
• Focus on productivity 
• Lots of work 
• Lots of self actualization 
• Huge chunk to be devoted to Spirituality 
• Wonderful time with Andrew 
• Great relationship with God. 

 

[Preety_India]

I was going through so much stress in the past few days and there was so much happening around me 

I would just sleep off out of extreme exhaustion and stress. 

But it's rewarding. 

Maybe I'll be able to mend my life after all. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm thinking about buildings or organizations.

 

Like having this visualization practice of buildings. 

Every building has a purpose.. Or a goal. 

Set up this buildings in my visualization practice. 

In each there will be tasks and goals and growth. 

Any building that shows good growth is going to get taller. 

The height increase of each building is going to shown on a chart with points. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm thinking about buildings or organizations.

 

Like having this visualization practice of buildings. 

Every building has a purpose.. Or a goal. 

Set up this buildings in my visualization practice. 

In each there will be tasks and goals and growth. 

Any building that shows good growth is going to get taller. 

The height increase of each building is going to shown on a chart with points. 

So every self actualization area is going to be treated like a separate building. 

And all the points accumulated for the first few days or for the entire week or day will be assigned on top of the building. The building will have the corresponding name of the category. 

Points will indicate how big the building has grown 

Buildings will get different varieties of hats as achievements once milestones are reached. 

This is how the building chart with points will look like 

 

 

Right now I can only have 5 points. 

Also if there is decline in activity there will be minus points 

This is a constant process of growth. 

Building names or categories

? MENTAL HEALTH 

?PHYSICAL HEALTH 

?HEALING 

?️ GROWTH 

?RELATIONSHIPS 

?SPIRITUAL GROWTH 

?MONEY 

?

???

AND THE LIST GOES ON. 

[Preety_India]

25 objects list 

 

[Preety_India]

Just felt like putting my heart out. 

 

This forum is a pathetic place. No amount of moderation can really fix issues. 

 

Leo and his life purpose course and all his advice here is awesome. The mods are good. There are some good pieces of advice here and there. 

 

But some people leave snarky ass remarks and they are very judgemental. Deliberately trying to piss you off. There is a general hostile environment. 

 

I also feel the same way when someone on the forum constantly judges me and tries to act aggressive with personal attacks and tries to provoke me unnecessarily, I'm a peaceful person in general in real life, although this is the only place that feels very provoking, with all sorts of Gaslighting and constant one upping me and trying to act smart, the only difference is that it's not physical, but it's emotional punching, and even when I tell them to leave me alone they don't leave me the heck alone, so it feels like being bullied in school. 

 

How many people are you going to complain to mods about. Everyday new troll. Gets tiring after a while. 

 

There's too much projection. People who assume things that are not true. It's like a daily battle with people who are going to pounce on your character no matter what. Putting you down in some way, trying to feel better by targeting you and making you feel bad about yourself in the name of trying to help you, but just low lying projection and taking jabs at you in softer ways. 

 

I'm learning to let go of the trigger although the annoyance is not gonna go away. Day in day out a new troll joins the forum only to piss off people. 

 

What I find is that there's no point in holding the feeling of being insulted. Just let it go. Accept the troll. They are always going to be there no matter what. Haters gonna hate. Can't mend that. 

 

There is no point in feeling bad. In real life I am never offended or hurt. But just here, I can feel the aggression slowly building, it's natural to feel annoyed when someone projects stuff about you in a personal way, and you have to constantly defend against their lies and projections and devilry, feels like slander. Like who the hell are you to judge me so much. I don't come here to take your lecture on my character or your constant verbal assaults on me. I'm not your doormat to take your daily emotional punching. I don't come here to be attacked, punished or judged. Of course it's toxic to deal with this, because it can make even a good person aggressive. That's something I observe sometimes.. Its like I have to be this bad person on the forum on purpose to deflect all the hate coming. Be strict and upfront and tell their bullshit to their face. But then this strictness is taken as a sign of arrogance or hate. At the same time the same people don't have the balls to realize how they are provoking me, they only see me but not themselves. But me constantly defending myself to no end is also toxic to my health. How much can I take? I can't be soft and lovey dovey to everyone, especially to those who are being rude to me, I have no such obligation. And where is it written that if you are spiritual, you are supposed to consume and swallow all hate and hostility and not fight back or resist? 

 

Being spiritual does not mean that I should put up with someone's provocation or bias or hate. I'm allowed to be myself and have opinions on subjects whether someone likes them or not. It has nothing to do with me personally. 

 

 So coming to the point. Accept the troll. Just let go. Understand that this is how the world is. There is toxicity at every corner. Emotional, psychological toxicity. And nobody can truly fix that. 

 

It's not about developing a thick skin. You get dejected at some point. Because you don't come to be a part of a negative environment. You come here to feel encouraged and hopeful, not put down and discouraged. 

 

Just wanted to let out what I think about this forum. Thanks for listening. 

 

Not gonna answer or reply any of the comments because the snarky ass comments are gonna come in. And those who understand how I feel, I need not address anymore. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

There is a source building. 

And there are operations buildings. 

Then there are buildings for escalation and de-escalation. 

 

[Preety_India]

The other name for another building can be "sorting out."

The sorting out building. 

 

I will give names and numbers to these buildings. 

For example building number 3 can be for mental health. 

And let's say building number 14 can be for Sorting out. 

Now objects pass through these buildings every day. 

A total of 25 objects at a time go through the "sorting out" building and gradually get sorted out. 

25 objects at a time. 

 

Edited October 29, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So. 

Let's see. 

3rd building - Mental health

5th building - spiritual growth 

4th building - physical growth 

8th building - sorting out 

9th building - escalation 

10th building - de-escalation 

11th building 

12th building - source /juice 

14th building - operations 

15th building 

16th building 

20th building - results 

One building for awareness 

One building for mindfulness 

One building for energy 

One building for focus 

One building for Empowerment 

One building for productivity 

One building for responsibility 

One building for efficiency 

One building for goals 

One building for Time

One building for Entertainment 

One building for Engagement 

One for hobbies 

One for art 

One for knowledge 

One for self love. 

One building is Relationship with God 

The main theme is source and operations 

One for makeup and beauty 

One for food 

 

Edited October 29, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The main theme is to rotate between source and operations 

One can be for productivity. 

[Preety_India]

If I want to do pest control as a tenant and the home owner doesn't want to do pest control because it's too expensive for him, there is a conflict of interest. 

Then what is my option, 

Leave. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

One building for logic and reasoning and rationality, truth or pragmatism. 

One building for creativity 

One building for avec plaisir

Edited October 29, 2020 by Preety_India