Posted October 19, 2020 I just realized something so evident but I have been too short-sighted to see !! Which is that my "awakening" is at most that of an newbie.. I do apologize for my arrogance. I do apologize for thinking it was the right time for me saying thanks. It's not even the right time to apologize for me but I can't tell nothing. I feel ashamed.. Also I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me as this is exactly what the devil I am is tricking you to do. I also want to say I'm sure there are still devilments in me I'm not aware of as I'm writing this. The only thing I could be thankful of today is this big slap I received Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) I am not thankful for reality's slaps, realizing i'm god yet my life is a hell, makes me realize how guilty and cruel god really is. I have no idea why a divine being would cause itself so much suffering and misery. Edited October 19, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 Without this "suffering and misery" How could God express His/Her/Its full Love? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) @Bulgarianspirit @Uglyroach Can we stop saying the word God, and instead start saying the word Self. There is more chance that you know who you are. Leave the God word out of it, its arrogant to even think you know, me included. God is just a word, but you're pointing to something bigger than your identity. Do not follow anyone in using the word God. Even IF you are God, why do you need to parade around about it? Leave it out. Its making everyone inauthentic to claim Godhood. What is more authentic is "I dont know what that I is" Dont call it God. In fact dont call it anything, just notice it, continuously, praise it, keep going back to it again and again. Follow it, give everything you own to it. Every thought, feeling, sensation - pleasure and pain - give everything to the IAM. Even and most importantly give any localized sense of self, give to the IAM which is not it! Every time you think you have IT, notice what is ever not what you're aware of yet that knows that. Always ask yourself - what is there right now that I am not seeing. I know that I am the I am, but what am I not knowing right now that I could become more and more conscious of. dont stop, dont stop dont stop you have not arrived. Nobody has arrived. Leo has not arrived. Only the Self has arrived. You are NOT the Self, you are the "devil" as you say. So listen to me, let me be the Angel's advocate. Dont assume to know what God is. Edited October 19, 2020 by Dodo Mind over Matter, Awareness over Mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Dodo said: @Bulgarianspirit @Uglyroach Can we stop saying the word God, and instead start saying the word Self. There is more chance that you know who you are. Leave the God word out of it, its arrogant to even think you know, me included. God is just a word, but you're pointing to something bigger than your identity. Do not follow anyone in using the word God. Even IF you are God, why do you need to parade around about it? Leave it out. Its making everyone inauthentic to claim Godhood. What is more authentic is "I dont know what that I is" Dont call it God. In fact dont call it anything, just notice it, continuously, praise it, keep going back to it again and again. Follow it, give everything you own to it. Every thought, feeling, sensation - pleasure and pain - give everything to the IAM. Even and most importantly give any localized sense of self, give to the IAM which is not it! Every time you think you have IT, notice what is ever not what you're aware of yet that knows that. Always ask yourself - what is there right now that I am not seeing. I know that I am the I am, but what am I not knowing right now that I could become more and more conscious of. dont stop, dont stop dont stop you have not arrived. Nobody has arrived. Leo has not arrived. Only the Self has arrived. You are NOT the Self, you are the "devil" as you say. So listen to me, let me be the Angel's advocate. Dont assume to know what God is. We are all devils here, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. It is arrogant to claim what it is, but it is ignorant to not mention it after experiencing the self. It truly doesn't care about good or evil tho, we invented those and probably from the experience of it, this is a temporary experience, a dream turned real. Edited October 19, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Bulgarianspirit said: We are all devils here, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. It is arrogant to claim what it is, but it is ignorant to not mention it after experiencing the self. It truly doesn't care about good or evil tho, we invented those and probably from the experience of it, this is a temporary experience. No need for comebacks. Follow my advice, its a practice, a deepening. To purify the devil. This is not about conceptulaising, actually re-read what I said and do it, actually do it. Actualized do it. I am doing it as I am saying it. I am not only deviling around here. The practice is immediate, it is direct. The SElf is always here, you never experience the Self, the Self experiences YOU. Follow this pointer слушай ме брат, силно е това. Много хора остават в капан от предишно виждане. Трябва да намалим егото че мислим че знаем. Не знаем. Не знаем!! Колкото и да знаеш, не знаеш. Edited October 19, 2020 by Dodo Mind over Matter, Awareness over Mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 @Dodo What is the thing you are talking about we should not call God? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Uglyroach said: @Dodo What is the thing you are talking about we should not call God? Don't call yourself God. Don't let this thought or word penetrate out of your mouth as an actual meant statement. Don't say "I am God" and mean it as if you know what that entails. Stay humble and look. Don't play devil with me sir! I am not having it! I am immune to devilry. Mind over Matter, Awareness over Mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) As long as this body is inhabited, egoic needs get in the way. People who have more you compare yourself to them and feel less, you have a different path than them, you can't be them. Only when there are no survival needs, all is surrendered, you truly dissolve the illusion of separation. All is me, all is god, yet inhabiting a little ego, that suffers craves and has been through trauma is most honestly disappointing. I don't blame any external god, the god in me is responsible for everything. But you are also that god, everyone is this god, which is life itself. That primal consciousness that creates these forms. Back to the thread, egoic needs, cravings and comparisons create devils. I can't stay in that state and at the same time be here and survive. Here it is always do this, do that even if you don't want to. That's just the way it is. The ego is the devil, it seeks love,it seeks fulfillment outside itself, when that is impossible. No matter how many cars, women or money people have, if they are not happy with themselves and their purpose all is pointless. Не съм загубен в нищо, аз съм нищо и всичко едновременно, но знанието и изживяването не променя живота и не го прави рай, Всички сме заедно като едно цяло в този и всеки живот. Edited October 19, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Bulgarianspirit said: As long as this body is inhabited, egoic needs get in the way. People who have more you compare yourself to them and feel less, you have a different path than them, you can't be them. Only when there are no survival needs, all is surrendered, you truly dissolve the illusion of separation. All is me, all is god, yet inhabiting a little ego, that suffers craves and has been through trauma is most honestly disappointing. I don't blame any external god, the god in me is responsible for everything. But you are also that god, everyone is this god, which is life itself. That primal consciousness that creates these forms. Back to the thread, egoic needs, cravings and comparisons create devils. I can't stay in that state and at the same time be here and survive. Here it is always do this, do that even if you don't want to. That's just the way it is. The ego is the devil, it seeks love,it seeks fulfillment outside itself, when that is impossible. No matter how many cars, women or money people have, if they are not happy with themselves and their purpose all is pointless. Не съм загубен в нищо, аз съм нищо и всичко едновременно, но знанието и изживяването не променя живота и не го прави рай, Всички сме заедно като едно цяло в този и всеки живот. Sorry for writing Bulgarian, its just heart talk that is better in home language. If you want to improve your life, now, follow this. I don't know how deep you are, and whether you're deeper than me, but I'm trying to help. If you really feel like you don't know why you're in a shit situation, try doing this practice I suggested and trust a higher power which you have not yet touched. You can say you are nothing and everything and be correct, but thats still a story and not helping your situation, right? So do this: Every time you have egoic needs, cravings ( every time you do do do, you cant stop doing ofcourse!_) even while you are reading this, and while you are responding, notice the deeper knower which you have never noticed before. Not even once before have you noticed this knower. Its always fresh. You cant know this knower in time. Give up everything to it. Give up meanings too, but meanings will remain, when they get back to you everything will be fresher and purified a little bit - and with more little more wisdom, little more authenticity, little more love, light, spontaneity and trust in what is. With practice, more and more, all you give to That will be purified by its innocence. I am in the practice of following this and I resonate so much. I just wish to share my experience and help a fellow out, we are in this together. I am not "There" I will never be "There" . Edited October 19, 2020 by Dodo Mind over Matter, Awareness over Mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 I will try my best of course, best of luck to all of you in this earthly realm. It is somehow about surrendering and trusting that this higher power has your back, a plan for you or something, the difficulty with me is with all i have been through, i am having doubts, but anyone would feel the same in my shoes. At the end of the day i am open to whatever happens,i don't feel like i have control or free will in this after all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Bulgarianspirit said: I will try my best of course, best of luck to all of you in this earthly realm. It is somehow about surrendering and trusting that this higher power has your back, a plan for you or something, the difficulty with me is with all i have been through, i am having doubts, but anyone would feel the same in my shoes. At the end of the day i am open to whatever happens,i don't feel like i have control or free will in this after all. The higher power literally has your back, its what knows your back and knew your back 10 years ago. It is so freaking mysterious and so freaking you that it definitely has your back. But you are not it, even though it is so freaking you! Its a mindfuck but a beautiful one. Give the doubts too, to That one who knows right now. give everything to where it came from. Disown it, it does not belong to you, it belongs to life. Do not cling to doubts, do not cling to anything, not any idea. If something "bad" happens disown it, if something "good" happens disown it. That doesnt mean not experience it - experience it fully, but don't cling to it! Give it to the Self beyond self. Then the self grows out of that continuous link with the "higher" - out of time and space- you. Lets go "basic" , in the "basic" practice is the most juice : Close your eyes: notice the I am. Notice you immediately give the I am location and some form, even subtly. Even in your mind somewhere or some "black" visual image or something like that. Perhaps a bit in your head or in your heart or anywhere else in the body, or the whole body or above your body. Doesnt matter where, you always localize it and have some subtle form to it. Try to notice the place from which that seeing is known and keep conscious traction there, but notice that while keeping conscious traction you have localized it again, keep looking for something which you havent seen yet (which you are looking from), go even deeper and keep going doing that process. Since we always do, that shouldnt be a problem! Edited October 19, 2020 by Dodo Mind over Matter, Awareness over Mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 @Dodo gotta say I agree with you on this, look at our direct experience and feel the mysterious power it is in reality, and trust the Self, the Self is Love and you can start to feel it the more you drop thoughts and assumptions about reality, like not knowing, the more you recognize the presence of the Self which always is with you and is there for you. You are IT but at the sametime it is your Higher Self in which we all share. Oneness. Let thy speech be better then silence, or be silent. - Pseudo-dionysius Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 After psychedelics, there isn't anything there when i close my eyes. It's different.. I can't even explain it, but basically i am only a presence. Before i would get an after image of the room, but if i concentrate hard enough sometimes it's like i can see with closed eyes. It's really strange i have no explanation for it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 @Bulgarianspirit duuude i have started to get like the same thing, a mystical door or what to call it has been opened, into conciousness somehow Let thy speech be better then silence, or be silent. - Pseudo-dionysius Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 6 minutes ago, Adamq8 said: @Bulgarianspirit duuude i have started to get like the same thing, a mystical door or what to call it has been opened, into conciousness somehow It is from the same state i have experienced going out of body, but i have also been conscious of this ground of being. It is weird and subtle. If this is enlightment, it is too subtle lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 @Bulgarianspirit this is something different and not enlightenment from what I gathered about it, this is into the realm of imagination part of conciousness it almost feel like Let thy speech be better then silence, or be silent. - Pseudo-dionysius Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Adamq8 said: @Bulgarianspirit this is something different and not enlightenment from what I gathered about it, this is into the realm of imagination part of conciousness it almost feel like Fascinating, yet it seems that below this layer of imagination, one's own self disappears, vanishes. I had once such an experience, i had felt like i was falling apart and was behind everything,in blackness. Then even that disappeared. I vanished. It is through that state that truth is somehow hidden. All of those experiences of people trying to explain the void.. When i think it is below even this layer of imagination and really words can't describe the weirdness of the experience. There is a saying.. An eye can't see itself, yet it sees everything. Edited October 19, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, Bulgarianspirit said: Fascinating, yet it seems that below this layer of imagination, one's own self disappears, vanishes. I had once such an experience, i had felt like i was falling apart and was behind everything,in blackness. Then even that disappeared. I vanished. It is through that state that truth is somehow hidden. All of those experiences of people trying to explain the void.. When i think it is below even this layer of imagination and really words can't describe the weirdness of the experience. I had that experience and felt like I was losing my mind. I wasn't ready for it and I ended in a hospital. It took me like 3 or 4 years to understand what happened to "me"... Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 19, 2020 13 minutes ago, abrakamowse said: I had that experience and felt like I was losing my mind. I wasn't ready for it and I ended in a hospital. It took me like 3 or 4 years to understand what happened to "me"... I had gone through the madness, but i eventually recovered, it was 4 months of seeing through imagination and reality. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
