Why I am confused about my life purpose

[trenton]

I keep compromising what makes me happy for what I think is good.  I have done this several times.  When chess made me happy, I compromised to go to college.  I also discovered that I feel burning when I try to go into politics because I don't like it.  I compromised to go into it because I thought it was good to see the greatest good for the greatest number and potentially help millions of people in doing so.  I also was not really happy pursuing the truth, but I pushed myself because I thought that was good just as I did with personal development.  I become neurotic when I pursue my life purpose in this way even if I am trying to be the best person I can be.  I am never happy with this self sacrificing mind set about what is good and I have a harder time identifying my life purpose because of it.  I think this also makes me ideological and deep down in pain.  I feel confused and lost.

If I go back to my aptitudes rather than what I think is good, it points me to bring an engineer of some sort.  I never felt passionate about this, but I also never tried it.  I don't want to keep swinging the pendulum and hurting myself based on what I think is good, leading me to defending worldviews i don't even like.  I am considering following a life purpose based on aptitudes now to see if I become happier.

What would you do if you were in a similar position?

[Guest SirVladimir]

Please, contemplate what I'm about to write instead of pondering over it.

You are not confused about your life purpose. You only believe you are. Your purpose shines like a beacon. Despite the treacherous sea, despite the raging waves, despite the thoughts which are trying to becloud it, the light ripples through. This is your calling. This is your bliss. You know, if the world was ending right now, I would play a game of chess and lick a lollipop. How random, yet perfectly aligned with mine.

If thoughts are your armor, the life purpose is where your skin begins. Side note: I absolutely adore your profile picture. I do not know you, but you are my knight. You are such a hero for searching for your highest aspiration. I love it. Main note: Your life purpose does not wait somewhere in the future. Search into the depth of the present moment instead. Trust me. That is how I have found mine. By realizing I already have it.

When you sit too close to a screen, you lose track of the surroundings. Same goes for your life purpose. Maybe it is too obvious, too pure to be true, too authentic to pursue. Do shamanic breathing. I wouldn't have found mine without it. 

[Yarco]

Your life purpose isn't necessarily something that's going to come easy or constantly make you feel good.

When you first hear about life purpose, it can sound like the career version of a soulmate -- like everything about it will be perfect and intimately suited for you and easy sailing.

I like to think of it more like the hindu/buddhist idea of dharma. Which most accurately translates as duty or responsibility. You owe it to the universe to live your life purpose even when it doesn't feel good, and in fact it's kind of a sin to not do it. Life purpose is the ability to choose, tolerate, and even welcome both the good and the bad. To accept and choose adversity for the greater long-term rewards.

Go toward your internal values (things you care about), not desires that come from the external (things you want.)

If it's your life purpose, then even self-sacrifice will make you feel fulfilled.

It sounds partly like you're just young, inexperienced and confused. Something related to engineering might be your life purpose. But you won't know unless you get out there and try stuff. That doesn't necessarily mean going to university for engineering. You can just start tinkering with stuff in your room. Make a list of maybe 5 - 10 things that you suspect might lead to your life purpose, and then devote a month to each of them for the next year and see how they make you feel.

Most life purposes can start off as a hobby. If you wanna be an electrical engineer, buy a soldering kit, capacitors or whatever you need. If you wanna learn to program, pick a language and download the necessary software. If you wanna tie fishing flies, buy the supplies. Then go on a deep dive following along with Youtube tutorials for a couple hours every day and mastering your craft. When you exhaust Youtube, start paying for some inexpensive intermediate courses on Udemy or Skillshare or similar sites. Ideally you hit a point where it gets boring and tedious and keep pushing through, and see if it still feels worth it, like something you want to devote the next 20 years to.

Edited October 20, 2020 by Yarco

[freaking3]

So I am, not sure which path to follow