I feel I am near enlightenment, but I cannot break through. Why?

[erik8lrl]

@Vittorio You are on the right track. Keep going. 

[Someone here]

You are already enlightened. Just sayin. 

[Leo Nordin]

1 hour ago, Vittorio said:

I wanted to understand, what's happening to me first (am I awakening or not? What's all that) and, if I am really awakening (I think so), how to "move on".

I will write my takes on the matter in a couple minutes.

If you have awakened you should be able to maintain ecstatic states of being for a long time. And it will come naturally. Also you won't desire anything because you desire everything and you get everything so you're completely fulfilled. 

"I don't feel love, compassion and such, just blank "apathy", calmness, placidity, neutrality"

There's a big difference between awakening and detachment from life. But if you are in apathy only about doing things then that's another thing. Also do you really want to get enlightened, even if that means death? Or do you want to experience enlightenment from time to time with lots of joy always in your day to day life. Isn't there anything you want to do for this world before you leave it?

I now read your post carefully, you should not try anything with your mind trying to become unitive. 

"I can stop monkey mind in few seconds just by staring at it.

Still, I cannot break through and I don't know what's happening."

I don't understand, you shouldn't stop your mind or body consciously, breaking through is just letting go of body and mind? Not using it to do something. 

Your body/mind/energy should be as alive as possible but at the same time completely at ease. 

Did this answer anything for you? 

[Spaceofawareness]

My opinion, you are holding on too tightly to the thought of attaining enlightenment. It’s like to remain in presence, it’s a non doing. Although I don’t feel like I know how or what it’s like to be “enlightened” I do know that the part of us that is motivated to achieve is the very obstacle standing in the way. I feel you should remain in awareness as much as possible, but I agree you need to return to your body, to your emotions, and to life, and find those parts within you, the awareness. Transcend and include. Don’t cordon off, welcome it all.

[Vittorio]

4 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

I don't claim to be enlightened far from it. However i was in that state 10 years ago for maybe a month or more and then everything crumbled (i suspect now that the foundation i had was bad and that's why i couldn't sustain it). 

Read the book a new earth from eckhart tolle and let go of all parts of your ego and see that they are an illusion. If you can trigger the feeling of nothingness stay there and make it bigger and bigger. Do this all the time as often as you can. The breakthrough for me was a moment that i made a decision to live always in the now. It will happen naturaly when you let go of your ego. You must ''catch'' your ego constantly, recognise it and let it go.

This is your ego. Let that go. 

Again i don't claim to be anything. Even if you become enlightened if you come here and start a topic i'm enlightened ama it's still your ego. 

I'm currently still afraid to go there because after the honeymoon i just started abusing weed and became nihilistic. I basically replaced my better old ego with a much worse ego and that can happen if you are not careful.

After reading Toward a psychology of being i know now what i did wrong. I suggest you read the capital Some Dangers of Being-Cognition if you are interested in that.

I hope this helps.

 

Hi @BlackMaze thank you for your reply!

I will re-read a new earth (I have it in my library).

By reading my quote about my reasons: I get your point.

Let me explain what I have in mind with reaching enlightenment.

I am at a point in my life where I handled all my basic needs.

I have a well paid job, a good apartment, I had my experiences, I did many trips, I meditate, daily do much self-reflection and I feel myself solid enough.

I don't have any addictions, I rarely eat junk food, drink alcohol or do "stupid" activities.

I don't collect material shiny things and I almost don't use any social media.

What I want to do now is doing the "next step".

This means practically working on my vision and on my LP and obtaining it.

I want then to "aim high" and not having my mind limiting myself.

I still have limiting believes, self-deception and I am shifting my life from frequenting people because of the value I give them to compatiblity.

To me enlightenment means to clean up all the unauthentic stuff (lies, manipulation, self-deceptions, limiting believes, attachment, needyness etc. which I still have in some part) in my life with a single sweep and as a mean to create and reach a much bigger vision to help mankind than the one I can create with my current awareness.

I am open to lose motivation for a while, having to "rediscover myself", change life and lose all the progresses I made in finding my LP and my vision until now IF this cleans up all the "bad stuff" I have.

I am fluid and not particularly attached to my identity and to my ego.

I want to live authentically, happy and in the best possible way and do the best to serve the others.

[Leo Nordin]

@Vittorio I just saw your new post. You have a long way to go for awakening. Keep going you got the gist of it plus a lot of delusion but that's fine. I thought you were at the breaking moment to awaken. Good luck?

Edited October 19, 2020 by Leo Nordin

[Vittorio]

4 minutes ago, Leo Nordin said:

@Vittorio I just saw your new post. You have a long way to go for awakening. Keep going you got the gist of it. 

Thank you I think I will have much to reflect about.

[Vittorio]

20 minutes ago, erik8lrl said:

@Vittorio You are on the right track. Keep going. 

I really hope so. This is totally new to me and I still have to understand what's happening lolz. Thank you!

[integral]

On 10/10/2020 at 2:58 PM, Carl-Richard said:

Do you want to induce non-dual states or do you want to abide in it? It's apparently easy to induce it, but letting it become your natural state is a completely different task. Focus on the problem of resting in non-dual awareness. These types of practices is just a hamster spinning in a wheel.

You need to be able to rest. By rest I don't mean "becoming aware of your true self", or becoming mindful, or inducing a calm state. I just simply mean relax, stop searching, go on about your day. Limit your spiritual practice to a select time period of your day. When you're not practicing, you're doing something else. Whatever you're supposed to do, do it fully, then when you're not doing it, let it be.

This is important, because a non-dual state only becomes your abiding state if you're already at rest. I keep seeing this type of ADHD spirituality on this forum, and based on my own experience, it's really detrimental to both your mental health and your spiritual progression.

By following half-baked practices that you can just do on a whim whenever you feel like it, you're setting yourself up for intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviour. Your practice shouldn't impede your daily life. Have some structure, establish a routine, and your work will actually pay off.

 

[BlackMaze]

@Vittorio it seems that you have your life handled, you have a solid foundation and you are in a good place to take the next step. 

What i will say maybe will sound wrong after all i have a long way to go to take the next step that means you have to decide if this is true or not. Maybe i'm completely wrong. 

You have to let go of your vision and see that it's meaningless in the grand scheme of things. If you are able to let go of everything even the good parts of your ego you will have more chances to break through. The tricky part is to continue working on your vision passionately after enlightment even if you know that ultimately it doesn't matter. 

[Vittorio]

12 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

@Vittorio it seems that you have your life handled, you have a solid foundation and you are in a good place to take the next step. 

What i will say maybe will sound wrong after all i have a long way to go to take the next step that means you have to decide if this is true or not. Maybe i'm completely wrong. 

You have to let go of your vision and see that it's meaningless in the grand scheme of things. If you are able to let go of everything even the good parts of your ego you will have more chances to break through. The tricky part is to continue working on your vision passionately after enlightment even if you know that ultimately it doesn't matter. 

I think you're right. This leave me confused a bit. How can you have a desire to reach enlightenment, if you cannot have any desire of reaching it (desires are ego driven)?

[Vittorio]

17 minutes ago, integral said:

 

Thank you for your quote. If I am reading good among the lines, your quote suggest to don't be obsessed on doing but on being and, on the other side, still keep a balance between "doing" (spiritual practices) and resting in being. Is that so?

[silene]

20 minutes ago, Vittorio said:

keep a balance between "doing" (spiritual practices) and resting in being.

This is like the relation between duality and non-duality, or relative and absolute. We are still 'Being' whilst in the middle of 'doing' but for me anyway, these feel like separate states. In reality (or so I believe), the absolute contains the relative, non-duality contains duality, being contains doing. However for now, I practice  Resting in Being as a meditation technique, as if it's taking a break from doing. Even though I schedule a time slot and everything so it looks like doing something! 

Edited October 19, 2020 by silene

[Vittorio]

17 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

In my case was different and in a way because of that maybe it was easier for me. I lived in an extremely toxic environment with a lot of stress and i couldn't take it anymore. Read the new earth again. Of course itbwas scary. It's like committing suicide. That moment you finally decide to live always in the now its like jumping from your balcony but not so dramatic of course. In rare occasions i had suicidal thoughts but of course i would never do it. In my case i got sick of my ego and suffering. I let go even my good qualities. I was motivated for many years for working out by having amazing looking muscles and i was very fit at the time. Then i let that go realizing that this body will eventually die and that is silly. It was just my identity and i saw that is an illusion. Of course that didn't turn well for me after getting out of this state so be careful. 

I got it. I have a different self-esteem and believes than yours at the time you got your enlightenment. I got depression and had many setbacks in my life.

I felt myself caged a lots of time and I suffered a lot, but I never had suicidal thoughts and I always strived to break free at all costs and found my way out one way or another.

Many times I paid a high price for that.

I have already experienced in real life and in psychedelic trips following feelings and things:

- Meaningslessness

- Feeling of isolation and don't being understood anymore after what I discovered

- I am God

- I am infinite

- Reality is magic and a bliss

- Everything is illusory and only a perception

- Oneness

- Being

- Perception is "glued in" to reality

- Freed myself from some kind of entity which stalked me for more than 10 years in my dreams after a paranormal activity happened in my childhood (it was a kind of self-made exorcism I did on myself)

- Channeling and possession from entities

and much more.

So I am not a complete newbie with that.

Still, I am following your suggestions and reading a new earth again (not everything, because I have most of the foundation handled, but reading the chapters I feel will help me most).

Edited October 19, 2020 by Vittorio

[Vittorio]

12 minutes ago, silene said:

This is like the relation between duality and non-duality, or relative and absolute. We are still 'Being' whilst in the middle of 'doing' but for me anyway, these feel like separate states. But in reality (or so I believe), the absolute contains the relative, non-duality contains duality, being contains doing. However for now, I practice  Resting in Being as a meditation practice, as if it's taking a break from doing. Even though I schedule a time slot and everything so it looks like doing something! 

Thank you for your opinion! I will shift more through being, feeling passion and focusing myself less on the tasks and on the results to enjoy presence.

I will go for a walk in the woods later and enjoy nature in silence.

I have a good feeling about that

Edited October 19, 2020 by Vittorio

[Leo Nordin]

@Vittorio If you can enjoy just being alive then that's good. Do everything you enjoy and at some point during your development the thing that you enjoy the most is just being alive. 

I saw someone my cousins open up a lot to new babies and were pretty joyfull. If they only knew they could be that joyfull all the time, then there would not be any problem in their life. 

[VeganAwake]

@Vittorio ❤ this sounds very familiar...like its right under your nose but for some reason unable to grasp...thoughts arise like "was something missed or overlooked"

No thing was missed.

Everything up to this point has been merely stepping stones that can be honoured, sincerely appreciated, and Now Let Go Of!!

Now turn that seeking energy 180 degrees within and LOOK....LOOK for it with an empty but grounded and open mind....as if nothing else mattered!!

Who or what has been desperately seeking Enlightenment?

Try not to use intellect!!

Just pure innocent Looking!!

 

 

 

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by VeganAwake

[Vittorio]

3 minutes ago, VeganAwake said:

@Vittorio ❤ this sounds very familiar...like its right under your nose but for some reason unable to grasp...thoughts arise like "was something missed or overlooked"

No thing was missed.

Everything up to this point has been merely stepping stones that can be honoured, sincerely appreciated, and Now Let Go Of!!

Now turn that seeking energy 180 degrees within and LOOK....LOOK for it with an empty but grounded and open mind....as if nothing else mattered!!

Who or what has been desperately seeking Enlightenment?

Try not to use intellect!!

Just pure innocent Looking!!

 

 

 

 

Hi Vegan I read your suggestion in another thread and implemented your observation in my self-inquiry practice <3

I will have to sort it all out, before moving on. This day gave me many things to reflect about.

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Vittorio said:

Maybe I don't really want enlightenment and this is all mind trickery or such?

What's happening to me and why?

Why am I so depersonalized and I cannot move forward?

What should I do?

A ‘frame’ or ‘model’ of two scenarios for the sake of some manor of communication...

Scenario one...there is a foundation of meditation and or yoga (or similar practice) ‘resulting’ in ‘no mind’... a “disciplined body mind” in regard to well being (diet, health, etc)... a certain maturity of emotional intelligence & understanding... and a certain trajectory with respect to the relativity between experience and desire, or, momentum.......and then the breakthrough trip.

Scenario two is one of those foundational aspects is not in place...... and then the breakthrough trip, while delightful, inevitably seems to recede into an exacerbating of conceptualization of the breakthrough and of awakening. 

The difference is that of a mind ruminating via attempts to conceptualize infinity (yourself). If you go back and read your breakthrough trip report, you can notice the onset of the conceptualization of yourself via the adherence to perspectives like “enlightened state”, or “enlightenment experience”. This is like saying “myself state”, or “myself experience”. It is fragmenting, partitioning, sectioning, ‘part-ing’, categorizing, etc. 

Having said that, the simplest way to express this is that the finite mind or intellect has not realized the illusory nature of ‘itself’. “It” has yet to turn upon itself and see there is nothing there. “It” will continue in the direction of conceptualizing through lenses which share the theme of ‘parts’ in many ways, because “it” misses “it” is believing “itself” to be actual, or “a part”. This occurs as the falsity of “conceptual (dual) mapping”, like states vs no states, experience vs no experience, personhood vs no personhood, enlightenment vs not enlightened, woke vs not awake, regression vs “moving forward”, etc, etc, etc. You could categorize all of this as ‘thinking’, and or ‘comparing’, and or ultimately ‘judgement’. 

In essence, all roads lead to that you are the creator, and you create “reality” by being it. You can know much, all actually, about the ‘how’ of ‘this’, but the how can not be thought, so stop trying. Deep insight such as that is not finite voluntary thinking, which is to say conceptual, as that is all illusory rumination, but rather arises (and ‘stays’) in an empty ‘no mind’ and emptied ‘body’.  You are unconditional infinite and formless...yet to experience, there therefore will appear to be conditions, finite things, or form. (“Thoughts”, are just more apparent “things”). 

Unconditional + more unconditional does not = any experience, infinite can not know finite. I do not know how this advice finds you so to speak, but I would strongly recommend making a dreamboard, and creating the life you want to create, enjoying the experience of ‘doing’ so, and not focusing too much on any expectations of any outcomes. This is all that is really needed. And maybe some of these.

[abrakamowse]

2 hours ago, Vittorio said:

I think you're right. This leave me confused a bit. How can you have a desire to reach enlightenment, if you cannot have any desire of reaching it (desires are ego driven)?

I think it was Nisargadatta who said that the only desire that can finish all desire is the desire of being enlightened.

And that is the last desire you have to drop...

Quote

“The desire for truth is the highest of all desires, yet, it is still a desire. All desires must be given up for the real to be.....When all search ceases, it is the Supreme State.”
-- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj"