I’m fucking jealous.

[Loving Radiance]

On 18.10.2020 at 10:45 PM, Heaven said:

how can I be completely detached from a person who I love and invest time and effort in?

Just make sure you two have such a great time that all other guys don't make her thinking cause she knows what she has in you.

 

On 18.10.2020 at 11:09 PM, Heaven said:

But to tell me to stop isn’t that helpful

Conscious breathing from the belly and letting it pass or letting it go like in meditation. Detach from the thought that doesn't resonate. Attach to the thought that does resonate in your being.

 

6 hours ago, Roy said:

"offer your trust when you have no obvious reason not to"

+1

[Heaven]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Heaven What are you afraid will happen?

That the moment things will not go well, they will jump on the opportunity..

So I believe my main fear is to trust and get betrayed.

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, Heaven said:

That the moment things will not go well, they will jump on the opportunity..

So I believe my main fear is to trust and get betrayed.

Go deeper.

"jump on the opportunity?"

What does that even mean? The opportunity to do what? Why don't you trust her with whatever it is?

"my main fear is to trust and get betrayed."

Again, what does this mean?

What are you trusting her with? To not enjoy social interactions? "Baby how dare you enjoy hanging out with him! I trusted you!" Lol 

What is your understanding of "betrayal?"

What do you think she owes you? What about her do you think is a limited asset? 

The answer might not be pretty. Be brutally honest with yourself. Why do you monopolize her?

Have you thought of how she feels and what she wants? What if she just wants to express her freedom and enjoys the social energy of hanging out with other guys, but you're seething in the corner with dense energy? (yes, she does feel it)

Does this make her feel loved and trusted, or the opposite?

Edited October 22, 2020 by RendHeaven

[Heaven]

@RendHeaven

Totally get ur point.
There is a part in me that likes to control and dominate her. 
When I say betray it’s basically go with other guy. I don’t care about her having fun with friends.

When I love someone I get vulnerable and can get hurt harder.(Happened in the past)

I don’t fully understand why she is looking for attention in other places.(Instagram for example) But it something that women do, I guess.

[evgn]

When we are afraid to lose someone we go into scarcity mindset and start becoming very needy but hey i am not blaming you because if i were on your position i might be feeling the same. 

I think that everything boils down to scarcity and abundance..

[RendHeaven]

On 10/19/2020 at 2:33 AM, Parththakkar12 said:

If your sex is good, you'll be fine. Satisfy her sexually. Get good in bed.

Lmfao, stage coral commentary.

Yes, because all women are sex sluts who can't say no to some good dick even if the guy is a pathetic ball of jealousy -__-

That is your implied message~ You sure you want to stand by that?

Imo, addressing the "pathetic ball of jealousy" bit is more important than the "good dick" part, because I believe that women (in general, some more than others,) have genuine wants that are unrelated to sex

On 10/19/2020 at 0:14 AM, LeoX8 said:

I tried so many ways of thinking: detachment for her, thinking about that if I lose her I'll find another one, she is not worthy, then become guilty for this and thinking that I was not worthy of her and so on.

Oh god yes, it's so funny how your mind starts spinning self-defense narratives to preserve your pride:

"she wasn't that hot anyway," "I wasn't really that seriously anyway..."

It's the same sore-loser mentality of a 12 year old who lost a game in Fortnite:

"Pfft winning isn't such a big deal bro," "I wasn't even trying bro..."

Edited October 22, 2020 by RendHeaven

[RendHeaven]

48 minutes ago, Heaven said:

1) When I say betray it’s basically go with other guy. I don’t care about her having fun with friends.

2) When I love someone I get vulnerable and can get hurt harder.(Happened in the past)

3) I don’t fully understand why she is looking for attention in other places.(Instagram for example) But it something that women do, I guess.

1)

I asked before, "What do you think she owes you? What about her do you think is a limited asset?"

You haven't fully answered this yet. It goes at least 10 layers deep. Spell out each layer for yourself (it may hurt). If nothing comes to mind, take a rest and contemplate the same question once again at a later time

For example, if you answer the above questions with simply, "loyalty!"

You still have to break that down and ask what loyalty really means to you.

What if she is technically your "girlfriend" by name, but she spends ALL of her time and energy with other dreaded men? She could argue that she's being loyal, but I'm willing to bet my left nutsack that your jealousy would be off the rails and that in your head, you would classify this as a soft form of BETRAYAL (the feelings of betrayal comes in degrees, it's not an on/off switch).

Go deeper. Why is this betrayal? Well surely you must of had some expectations of her, which she did not meet. Maybe in this particular example, you expected her to devote disproportionate amounts of time and energy to you relative to other guys, an expectation which she failed to meet.

GO DEEPER. Why did you have this expectation in the first place? Do you OWN her time and energy, or is she free to spend it however she likes? Do you WANT to own her time and energy? If so, what feelings do you hope to feel from that ownership? Or, if you concede that you aren't entitled to any part of her, why do you insist on certain unspoken expectations?

For whatever answer comes up, go deeper.

You said: "When I say betray it’s basically go with other guy. I don’t care about her having fun with friends."

You keep dancing around the word "SEX." Isn't that right? Think about it...

2)

I feel you brother. My questions come from experience, lol.

3)

You said: "I don’t fully understand why she is looking for attention in other places.(Instagram for example) But it something that women do, I guess."

You phrase that as if to say, "She ought to be content with MY attention ONLY! Grr!"

Edited October 22, 2020 by RendHeaven

[Reciprocality]

Looking past the obvious theme of spiritual awakening, which may be one of many answers to your problem i would meet you were you actually are.

The desire to be the one desired, the singular desired is a material NEED, a non-'self sustainable' craving. For some it grows and for others it even dissapears, you may work towards either or, but i think those will be unattainable in a short term.

For that one may be better of accepting those energies as they may come.

With regards to a relationship dynamic i think there is prospects in honesty, to admit how ill you feel seeing her with friends and your own thoughts on those EMOTIONS. More often than not i believe, a women will be glad that you told her. She may find you 'beta' for it, but if honesty is not appriciated then on which basis can a relationship ever have any hope?

[Leo Gura]

15 hours ago, Heaven said:

That the moment things will not go well, they will jump on the opportunity..

So I believe my main fear is to trust and get betrayed.

Accept the worst case scenario, let go resisting it, and continue on with your relationship.

[Parththakkar12]

16 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Lmfao, stage coral commentary.

Yes, because all women are sex sluts who can't say no to some good dick even if the guy is a pathetic ball of jealousy -__-

That is your implied message~ You sure you want to stand by that?

Imo, addressing the "pathetic ball of jealousy" bit is more important than the "good dick" part, because I believe that women (in general, some more than others,) have genuine wants that are unrelated to sex

Yeah but the point is to take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction, so  you're taking away her reasons to cheat on you. You're more secure in the relationship and you won't be so jealous anymore. You will have more confidence with women in general. Even if this specific one does cheat on you, the next time you'll find a higher-quality woman! You'll be able to keep her next time.

[RendHeaven]

6 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Yeah but the point is to take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction, so  you're taking away her reasons to cheat on you. You're more secure in the relationship and you won't be so jealous anymore. You will have more confidence with women in general. Even if this specific one does cheat on you, the next time you'll find a higher-quality woman! You'll be able to keep her next time.

Sounds good on paper, but you're making it completely about sex and that's not reality.

Even if you (think that you) have the best sex game on the planet, if you're not fulfilling other critical needs, she can always leave you for someone else who will.

Trust me on this one  

[Parththakkar12]

5 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Sounds good on paper, but you're making it completely about sex and that's not reality.

Even if you (think that you) have the best sex game on the planet, if you're not fulfilling other critical needs, she can always leave you for someone else who will.

Trust me on this one  

I know what I'm talking about. All emotional needs a woman has from you can be met through sex, or flirting, or in the sexual context. From protection, to being desired for who she is, to being led by you, to safety, to whatever. The trick is to create a sexual experience for her that's emotionally fulfilling. I know, it sounds too good to be true, but I do know it's possible. Haven't actualized it yet, but I'm on track doing it.

There is no end to how good you can get in bed! Sex is literally limitless. It is primarily a man's game in hetero relationships. There's dimensions to it that are relatively unexplored and can be very healing.

[Parththakkar12]

10 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

“All emotional needs a woman has from you can be met through sex” is not a true statement. There are five different categories of needs, and all five must be fulfilled for a woman to feel safe with a man; sex is just one of those categories. 

Of course there's more to the relationship than sex! Having said that, sex is what differentiates a platonic friendship from a romantic relationship, right? It's pretty darn important and if you're having jealousy problems, even more so.

[ivory]

@Heaven Jealousy gets a bad wrap. I don't care how "spiritual" a person is, human emotion isn't fully transcended. Ever seen a jealous dog? Jealousy is natural. That said, you can't let jealousy hijack the relationship. Neediness is cancer to a relationship. Also, this girl sounds a bit immature. At a certain level of maturity girls realize that guy friends are mostly dudes waiting for the opportunity to fuck her. This isn't true in all cases, but it's a common dynamic. Girls should also be empathetic to their partner's jealousy. If a girl can't understand your concerns, then you need to ask yourself why you're wasting time on someone who invalidates your feelings. If I were you I would kick off a conversation like this, "It's not easy for me to talk to about this with you because I'm not used to being vulnerable, but I care about you and I don't want to lose you. I will never try to control you or tell you what to do, but your guy friends make me feel insecure because it's obvious that they are attracted to you. I would appreciate it if you could reassure me from time to time, and it would be great if I could get to know your friends better to put my mind at ease."