I’m fucking jealous.

[Heaven]

I’m dating with a girl for almost 3 months. She is good looking and a nice person. She has some friends that she is hanging out with and some of them are into her.

We are having a great time together but as soon as I see them texting her it triggers me.

I’m successful in many ways and my self esteem is pretty high but still it makes me feel like shit.

I believe detachment is the key here but how can I be completely detached from a person who I love and invest time and effort in?

Any suggestion will be welcomed.

Thanks?❤️

[Thestarguitarist14]

Yeah, stop being so needy and insecure.  She is going to dump you soon.

[Recursoinominado]

16 minutes ago, Heaven said:

my self esteem is pretty high

Jealousy and high self-esteem aren't compatible.

I would bet your self-esteem isn't as high as you think.

18 minutes ago, Heaven said:

I believe detachment is the key here but how can I be completely detached from a person who I love and invest time and effort in?

Having a true abundance mentality. That's why i always preach practicing cold approach, it is practically the only way to have true abundance with girls, to have a firm conviction that if your girl leaves you at any moment you could easily meet someone new and, maybe, even better than her.

Having a strong sense of purpose is also key, that grounds you in a way that people come and go but you remain focused on what is important to you.

The sweet spot is when you truly believe that your life is as awesome, if not more awesome when you are single. Women sense that shit oozing out of you and they love it.

[Heaven]

1 minute ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Yeah, stop being so needy and insecure.  She is going to dump you soon.

I know that it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. But to tell me to stop isn’t that helpful..

[Thestarguitarist14]

1 minute ago, Heaven said:

I know that it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. But to tell me to stop isn’t that helpful..

I mean, that is pretty much all you can do.  Basically, it is an inside job.  You feel needy and insecure because you do not feel like you’re enough for her.  She is feeling that which is why she is hanging around those make friends.  You are also too attached.  You need to detach with love.

 

Guided meditations, eft tapping and the Sedona method will do the trick.  

[Chakra Lion]

Trust. That’s all you can do.

[evgn]

Girls have guys friends and yeah if she is cute they are probably into her but if she sees them as a friends there is no danger involved..

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by evgn

[Roy]

It's counter-intuitive as hell @Heaven but you need to stop thinking and put ALL your eggs into the basket of complete blind trust. You'd think this is dangerous and makes you vulnerable, in a way yes it does.

But being that utterly vulnerable actually communicates and shows tremendous strength. It shows you truly don't give a fuck (even if you rationally don't feel like it) and that you're solid as a god damn concrete pillar. She will see that and respect it, and will be much more likely to reciprocate. Relationships do not last without two way trust, but you gotta have the balls to give it first sometimes.

If she does exploit it and cheats on you, or leaves you - Well what does that have anything to do with you? NOTHING! The event might feel shitty but realize it's 100% on her for doing whatever she does, she's gotta live with that, and she'll suffer with the karma of that behavior until she changes. In a way she's actually more a victim than you would be, ironically.

If the topic comes up it will probably be a shit test. You just need to laugh all of it off, and be completely detached and cool as ice.

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Roy

[kai0]

tell her that 

tell her that you cant stand the fact that shes texting other guys and if things dont work out the way you want dump her

[LeoX8]

@Heaven I have had your same problem. This year my girlfriend started university and she meets lots of guys, LOTS. This made me feel weird at the beginning beacuase it was triggering me so bad. I had times where I really suffered from this because I was considering me pretty good at handling my emotions, so this triggered my self esteem. I was ashamed because I had fear of such a stupid thing. But this is the main point here. I was restisting being jelous by being ashamed by it. When I realized this I started laughing. There is no problem in being jelous, accept it. I tried so many ways of thinking: detachment for her, thinking about that if I lose her I'll find another one, she is not worthy, then become guilty for this and thinking that I was not worthy of her and so on.

By trying to detach her from you, you are only resisting what you are feeling right now, which is the most important thing. Just accept this as a fact.

Try also to tell her what are you feeling. By speaking out laud you will find how dumb this thing was and you will also start laughing

hope this has helped<3 

[Parththakkar12]

@Heaven If your sex is good, you'll be fine. Satisfy her sexually. Get good in bed.

[Byun Sean]

@Heaven 

It's perfectly normal and ok to feel needy on the inside. I'm pretty sure most of us guys on the forum can recall a time

where we've been super needy for a girl at some point if not many could be going through this situation right now.

 

My observations/ opinion:

This is how I would think about it if I were in your situation.

"Anyways, I have these feelings of neediness. I don't want to deny them or demonize them because that would feel unhealthy. 

I can't control what she does nor do I want to be controlling. If she breaks up with me for another guy thats her choice in

the end.

 

But there are lots of ways I can be more attractive for her by working on myself.

I'll just focus on my own goals. I'll work out, meditate, improve my skills with sex, social skills/ personality, life purpose, social circle, reading etc.

By focusing on my own goals, I know that I'm making myself a higher value guy and thus am constantly becoming more attractive not only for this girl,

but for all the girls that will be in my life in the future. 

With this set up I can simultaneously be attractive for my girl while having a long term plan for dating if this relationship doesn't work out. 

I can also talk to her about my feelings of jealousy if we have a deep enough trust. " ( this probably depends on how close you two are)

 

Much love to you ❤️

 

 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Heaven]

Thank u all for the comments?
 

@LeoX8 @Byun Sean Highly developed advices. Connects a lot with my journey lately.

Thank u so much guys❤️

[KaRzual]

13 hours ago, Roy said:

It's counter-intuitive as hell @Heaven but you need to stop thinking and put ALL your eggs into the basket of complete blind trust. You'd think this is dangerous and makes you vulnerable, in a way yes it does.

But being that utterly vulnerable actually communicates and shows tremendous strength. It shows you truly don't give a fuck (even if you rationally don't feel like it) and that you're solid as a god damn concrete pillar. She will see that and respect it, and will be much more likely to reciprocate. Relationships do not last without two way trust, but you gotta have the balls to give it first sometimes.

If she does exploit it and cheats on you, or leaves you - Well what does that have anything to do with you? NOTHING! The event might feel shitty but realize it's 100% on her for doing whatever she does, she's gotta live with that, and she'll suffer with the karma of that behavior until she changes. In a way she's actually more a victim than you would be, ironically.

If the topic comes up it will probably be a shit test. You just need to laugh all of it off, and be completely detached and cool as ice.

 

 

6 hours ago, Byun Sean said:

@Heaven 

It's perfectly normal and ok to feel needy on the inside. I'm pretty sure most of us guys on the forum can recall a time

where we've been super needy for a girl at some point if not many could be going through this situation right now.

 

My observations/ opinion:

This is how I would think about it if I were in your situation.

"Anyways, I have these feelings of neediness. I don't want to deny them or demonize them because that would feel unhealthy. 

I can't control what she does nor do I want to be controlling. If she breaks up with me for another guy thats her choice in

the end.

 

But there are lots of ways I can be more attractive for her by working on myself.

I'll just focus on my own goals. I'll work out, meditate, improve my skills with sex, social skills/ personality, life purpose, social circle, reading etc.

By focusing on my own goals, I know that I'm making myself a higher value guy and thus am constantly becoming more attractive not only for this girl,

but for all the girls that will be in my life in the future. 

With this set up I can simultaneously be attractive for my girl while having a long term plan for dating if this relationship doesn't work out. 

I can also talk to her about my feelings of jealousy if we have a deep enough trust. " ( this probably depends on how close you two are)

 

Much love to you ❤️

 

 

Basically this. Great answers guys! 

[NoSelfSelf]

If she has alot of guy friends that a red flag why would she has alot of guy friends?

[hoodrow trillson]

This is a tale as old as time itself.  We all know how it really ends--it's a tough pill to swallow.  The reason you feel those emotions is because that's your body telling you the truth.  Even if you pass it off as something else you know it's complete bullshit.

Please take care of yourself first and foremost.

[RendHeaven]

@hoodrow trillson How does it end?

[Leo Gura]

@Heaven What are you afraid will happen?

[Jacob Morres]

On 10/18/2020 at 11:51 PM, Roy said:

complete blind trust

hm. are you sure? i believed this at one point but complete blind trust has the downside of them doing shit to you and you being blindly naive. i don't think blind trust is the way at all. 

your intuition needs to be heard and seen. 

blind trust has a massive drawback to it... I like maybe blind trust while also being in tune with your intuition and following it when something seems and feels off

 

Edited October 22, 2020 by Jacob Morres

[Roy]

32 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

hm. are you sure? i believed this at one point but complete blind trust has the downside of them doing shit to you and you being blindly naive. i don't think blind trust is the way at all. 

your intuition needs to be heard and seen. 

blind trust has a massive drawback to it... I like maybe blind trust while also being in tune with your intuition and following it when something seems and feels off

 

Maybe I should have been more careful with my words, I was exaggerating trying to get a point across.

Of course you should harness your basic intuition and common sense. If you see clear red flags you should tread carefully and investigate them before offering too much or being too vulnerable.

I should have said "offer your trust when you have no obvious reason not to".