Thoughts on transgenderism?

[myname]

I'm starting to question my identity. I do experience desire to be a female. I conceptually understand that having an identity is an illusion in the first place, but I'm currently far from truly feelings this concept in my bones, and I'm kind of lost on what to do. I'm too attached to my sense of self.

EDIT: More generally though: What is gender? Why do some people feel uncomfortable in the gender they were born with? Is transitioning to another gender reasonable, if you think it makes you happy?

Edited October 18, 2020 by myname

[Tim R]

Are you attached to your identity or your body?  

I mean, are you a biological man who want's to become a biological woman? Or is it just the identity?

[myname]

Just now, Tim R said:

Are you attached to your identity or your body?  

I mean, are you a biological man who want's to become a biological woman? Or is it just the identity?

I would say both

[Reciprocality]

Gender identity is likely the most primal of all, and by extention the most innocent. Innocent in that ones will is it completely numb, so one better accept it and so does anyone else with any reason. I have heard about people being comfortable with their body not extending their identity, and will recomend searching into it on utube for a closer look.

If that is not the route then changing the body have also shown to be benefiscial for some, and for others not so much. In either case i hope it works out for you. : )

[Rilles]

35 minutes ago, myname said:

I'm starting to question my identity. I do experience desire to be a female. I conceptually understand that having an identity is an illusion in the first place, but I'm currently far from truly feelings this concept in my bones, and I'm kind of lost on what to do. I'm too attached to my sense of self.

How long have you felt this way? Have you had any dysphoria, aka Feelings of depression? Of feeling not right in your body? I suggest you study a bit about what gender is... Get comfortable with it. 

[myname]

Just now, Rilles said:

How long have you felt this way? Have you had any dysphoria, aka Feelings of depression? Of feeling not right in your body? I suggest you study a bit about what gender is... Get comfortable with it. 

Not very much dysphoria, but there were a lot of signs from my past. Furthermore, I do feel quite happy when I act/do anything feminine.

I'll definitely need to spend some time learning about gender.

[Rilles]

11 minutes ago, myname said:

Not very much dysphoria, but there were a lot of signs from my past. Furthermore, I do feel quite happy when I act/do anything feminine.

I'll definitely need to spend some time learning about gender.

Good luck! Quiet the mind and trust your inner most feeling!

 

[commie]

I can't speak about your situation since you say so little about it but...

2 hours ago, myname said:

More generally though: What is gender? Why do some people feel uncomfortable in the gender they were born with? Is transitioning to another gender reasonable, if you think it makes you happy?

Gender is of course only a word. Understanding what it means only matters for the purpose of skillful communication, which means you might have to understand several meanings in order to communicate effectively with different people.

Speaking for myself using my understanding of gender, I wasn't born with a gender. I'm uncomfortable with the gender I present as and do not always conform to that gender but I never considered transitioning.

In my opinion, being uncomfortable isn't a reason to transition. That's for people who think they would actually be comfortable conforming to another gender (or if transitioning might protect them from persecution). Also keep in mind there are different ways to transition but that even the most extensive medical interventions won't turn a male into a female (which doesn't make them any less vital for some people of course).

Unless it is a matter of safety from persecution, don't let anyone tell you you need to be this or that or to do this or that in order to look feminine to behave in a feminine way. What you really want is what matters, not words or ideology.

Edited October 18, 2020 by commie

[PurpleTree]

3 hours ago, myname said:

I'm starting to question my identity. I do experience desire to be a female.

I think if it's a desire then it's probably the ego, which isn't bad or good.

[myname]

3 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

I think if it's a desire then it's probably the ego, which isn't bad or good.

How should I react then?

[Rilles]

1 minute ago, myname said:

How should I react then?

As long as youre an ego youre going to have do what the ego wants. You cant meditate your way out of such deep desires. 

[PurpleTree]

2 minutes ago, myname said:

How should I react then?

Don't know, it's your life, whatever you think brings you joy. (in the long run)

It could be a never ending void which you try to fill and then after some time you realise you still aren't happy and you search for something else.

Like a lot of people hunting for money or material possessions or partners or validation, drugs etc.

 

Or it could be that it really does make your baseline happier.

 

 

[from chaos into self]

My stance on transition is that simply wishing to be the opposite gender is not enough to make you trans. To be trans you have to want your life to majorly change so that other people see you as the opposite gender. Simply wanting to identify as the opposite gender or as agender alone would only make someone gender nonconforming or non-binary. Being trans is wanting major change in your life to accomplish the identity of the opposite gender. You have to want the whole song and dance to be trans. If you don’t, you’re not trans. At least that’s my opinion, don’t take my advice as truth my advice is based upon my personal experience and opinions.

 

I used to be trans but the reality was that the things required to publicly pass as female was outside my comfort zone. FFSurgery and makeup and voice training would all be things I needed to pass as a woman, but I was uncomfortable with all three. With just medicine alone, I could not pass as female and so I could not reach the point where I truly identified as a woman. Instead I felt like a fake.

 

 When I realized that what I was comfortable with wasn’t enough for me to feel like a woman, it caused severe depression for me. But accepting my circumstance was enough to get out of that funk. I now identify male because this is the life I’ve been given. I count as detrans: Someone who started transition but stopped for whatever reason. 
 

anyway that’s my opinion and story. basically, if you want to be the opposite gender so bad you’re willing to undergo major change to accomplish that identity, that’s when your trans. As someone questioning, it’s important to take a step back and ask yourself if going through the steps to change your gender is really what you want. For me the answer was no. 
 

the notion that we are not identity is certainly a challenge to reconcile with being trans. For me it was realizing that being trans isn’t about identity, it’s about wanting life to be different. It’s honestly up to you. Do you want major change in your life to be seen as the opposite gender? 
 

Trans men have it easier. The hormones from hrt give them a deeper voice and often facial hair. Less is needed to pass as male for trans men. Keep in mind however that top surgery to remove boobs is usually needed to pass as a man.
 

For trans woman, usually hrt is not enough to pass. passing might require facial feminization surgery as well as makeup and voice training, plus wearing feminine clothes. bone structure changes in puberty and so for trans women it usually takes a lot to pass. 
 

Not only that but you might require bottom surgery, which only gives you what attempts to function as a vagina, a whole in your body that requires lube and daily dilation to use. but it is not a real vagina. 
 

IMO if you aren’t willing to do what it takes to pass as the opposite gender, the trans narrative is not for you. If so, you need to accept the gender you have or identify non-binary.

[commie]

22 minutes ago, from chaos into self said:

At least that’s my opinion, don’t take my advice as truth my advice is based upon my personal experience and opinions.

I don't have your experiences but I agree with you, or at least with what I read into your post (we might use the same word to mean something different). So your opinion might be grounded on something a bit more universal.

The one thing in your post I don't get is identifying as "male" because it's the life you've been given. I don't identify as a man. Not only do I not feel that I've been given that identity somehow, I think that submitting to identities thrust upon you is quite dangerous (especially when it comes to nationalism). But this disagreement might be more about semantics more than anything else.

[from chaos into self]

@commie it’s semantics. I try not to identify any way. But telling other people that I’m a man is identification. Stating that I am detrans is identification. Identification is more than just a mental attachment, it is also simply the expression of what is. To identify something with words is not the same as to identify with a belief.

 

I don’t identify with the belief that I am a man. But I identify myself as male if the question arises.

[commie]

I try not to identify myself as a man but I have to concede I've occasionally gotten people angry with that attitude. In some circumstances, I guess I might lie and say I want to be called "he" or something to avoid trouble but my circumstances are such that I can't recall the last time I've had to do something like this (unless of course you're talking about my legal identity but allowing a consumer credit company to identify me for instance isn't lying, and it's not like I would willing choose a slaveholder's title as most forms expect of us anyway).

[Guest SirVladimir]

This will not bring you happiness, for happiness is not somewhere in the future. You are imagining genders within consciousness, but you are the unification of both. You are a man. You are a female. You are the whole coin. Instead of switching to the other side, look for any sort of blockage, trauma, thoughts preventing you from integrating both. You are amazing. You are already perfect. I love you.

[Fadl]

A guy cutting his penis off to replace it with a fake vagina has some serious mental problems.  

 

Fix these problems. 

[JonasVE12]

5 hours ago, myname said:

I'm starting to question my identity. I do experience desire to be a female. I conceptually understand that having an identity is an illusion in the first place, but I'm currently far from truly feelings this concept in my bones, and I'm kind of lost on what to do. I'm too attached to my sense of self.

EDIT: More generally though: What is gender? Why do some people feel uncomfortable in the gender they were born with? Is transitioning to another gender reasonable, if you think it makes you happy?

Spirituality is not there for you to become dettached from your sense of humanity and inviduality. Please drop the notion that having an identity is an illusion and thus your desires and experience is somehow not good enough and should be trancended. You are a human. You have emotions and thoughts. These are unique to you. Your ego-identity is indeed a construct, yes. But it needs to be trancended and then re-integrated. 

Transgenderism is on the level of this human experience. It can not be transcended by awakening. Awakening won't make your desires go away. You have to find a way to allign your future with how you feel what is the best in your core, but you might not know it yet, so transitioning is not the best option for you to do right away IMO. First there has to be some exploration of your human self. Transitioning is something permanent. Once your reproductive organs are gone, you can't go back. Only after exploration of your self, and you still want it, it might be what you need.

My perspective is that transgenderism is not genetic. There is no evidence to support this at all. Every born male is biologically designed to grow up as a male, but biology only goes so far. There has to be followed a certain developmental proces for boys in order to become men. If this developmental process does not happen in the way it is intented by nature, then there can be deviations in your gender identity. Every boy has a primary attachment with the mother. Then it has to identitfy with the father in order for him to claim his sense of maleness. 

There are studies and a lot of clinical observations that recognize a pattern of abusive and hostile fathers, and psychologically distant mothers (or mothers who are overindulgent). This dynamics between son - father can lead someone to reject the masculinity they represent, and thus fail to claim their own masculinity. So they disown their own body and strive to be the mother from whom they have seperated. In a lot of the cases, the mother was reported to be highly anxious and stressed in the period of formation of the boy, thus experienced as seperate. So who do they attach themselves with? Masculinity represents danger to the boy. 

You can imagine how attachment influences your identity, no? 

There is inherent conflict with one's sense of self when you consider the suicide rates of transgender people. Not to mention the psychological struggles they face. 

Your identity is not fixed. You can change. If you want though. If you can be happy by accepting this, then you don't have to change. 

[Ibgdrgnxxv]

19 hours ago, myname said:

I'm starting to question my identity. I do experience desire to be a female. I conceptually understand that having an identity is an illusion in the first place, but I'm currently far from truly feelings this concept in my bones, and I'm kind of lost on what to do. I'm too attached to my sense of self.

EDIT: More generally though: What is gender? Why do some people feel uncomfortable in the gender they were born with? Is transitioning to another gender reasonable, if you think it makes you happy?

HEALTH IS WEALTH. You can't afford to lose it. Once you cut yourself, it is a point of no return. You will regret it. 

However you feel, have nothing to do with changing your body into a lower x. 

Whatever you are born with, is the healthiest it could ever be. Don't try to change anything physically.