Found a REALLY good article on the harsh truths about online dating

[7thLetter]

I won't say too much about it, but this article basically explains how all these online dating apps are carefully designed to get your money (guys mainly), how girls have the upper hand when it comes to online dating, and how psychologically unhealthy it is for both sexes to use dating apps.

After reading this article, I realized that online dating is pretty much pointless for men, perhaps even for both sexes. Not saying they don't work, of course people meet through dating apps, but just read it yourself and it just makes you not want to use any dating apps at all and to meet women in person instead. For women, dating apps just gives them a false sense of what their worth is in the dating world when they see they have 100+ likes and hundreds of matches. As a result they most likely will search for the best man they can get, when in reality he probably doesn't exist.

Here's the article: https://www.mediavsreality.com/mediavsreality/2018/10/30/why-online-dating-drives-men-crazy

[Thestarguitarist14]

Yeah, this is why I just recently deleted all my apps/disabled my profiles.

 

I remember about four or five years ago okcupid and tinder were not too bad.  I would get matched often and go on dates.  It has only gotten worse.  The problem is that most of the women on there aren’t serious and are only looking for attention.

[ertopolice]

Good one

But in these pandemic times...how to get to know NEW people or to get any social interaction at all¿?

[Roy]

Hah I bet, I guess I'm lucky because I just started using them again after 2 years and I'm getting 8's and 9's messaging me. This rarely happened before.

Only been able to close dates with about 3 of them, I think most of the girls on there are just doing it to stroke their ego or out of boredom because despite my attempts most of the conservations don't go anywhere and I have to carry them.

Edited October 18, 2020 by Roy

[Thestarguitarist14]

45 minutes ago, Roy said:

Hah I bet, I guess I'm lucky because I just started using them again after 2 years and I'm getting 8's and 9's messaging me. This rarely happened before.

Only been able to close dates with about 3 of them, I think most of the girls on there are just doing it to stroke their ego or out of boredom because despite my attempts most of the conservations don't go anywhere and I have to carry them.

It doesn’t take much to get an attractive woman to message you back if your opening message is good and your profile is solid.  But most women there are just doing it as you said “to stroke their ego” and have no intention of meeting up in person.

[RendHeaven]

Media vs Reality is great!

[Leo Gura]

This is not simply a function of online apps, this is an existential matter of dating period. Dating is a sexual marketplace. In a marketplace you will have winners and losers, and you can only buy as much as you're worth. No app can ever fix this for you. Any app or dating scheme will have this marketplace dynamic to it.

It's very simple: You cannot get pussy for free, no more than you can get gold for free. There is a high cost of acquisition for valuable things. And anyone who doesn't understand this and tries to get it for free will be disappointed.

Dating apps make it seem like you can get pussy for free. Which of course is an illusion.

[Lyubov]

I do think it is far worse online than in person. That is for sure. Most men if you live in the US and are just a normal guy, maybe a low end job or in University, can do decent with women if you go out to meet them in person and build up a nice friend group. People don't realize these apps are running a business. They have monopolized the masculine/feminine dynamic. You have to pay as a man to get tons of matches. It's pretty straight forward. Most women on these apps gets tons and tons of matches for free. I rarely ever get matches but when I go out in person to the bar I always get attention and warm receptions from pretty girls. A lot of guys think dating is like tinder when they have a much better chance in person than online. 

Edited October 19, 2020 by Lyubov

[Girzo]

Dunno, apps seems superior to normal dating to me. I swipe like on every girl I can, write with most I can and go out with as many that I liked that I can. It's ultra efficient. Normally you would go out twice or thrice a week to a party and maybe get a single date out of that. With an app you can go on a date three times a week and skyrocket your dating skills.

And due to corona and lockdowns? Twice as many matches as usual minimum. Every girl sits on apps right now.

[Recursoinominado]

13 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

After reading this article, I realized that online dating is pretty much pointless for men

Something tells me that you were looking for a confirmation bias 

Yeah, online dating isn't optimal and should be used as a bonus, not your primary dating strategy.

But it is totally possible even if you are average looking but have a good profile (good photos, funny unique bio, social proof, dog photo, good text game etc).

Most men just get frustrated and start to bitch and moan when they discover that online dating isn't as easy as they were led to believe. 

They think "oh god, YES, this online dating thing makes so easy to get laid, it is only pressing buttons", which is kind of the least manly mindset ever. 

[Leo Gura]

Just to clarify, if you have above average looks, or below average standards, you can certainly get laid via these apps.

Just don't go expecting to bat outside your league. If you want to bat outside your league you must do so in-person.

[integral]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Just to clarify, if you have above average looks, or below average standards, you can certainly get laid via these apps.

Just don't go expecting to bat outside your league. If you want to bat outside your league you must do so in-person.

There is alot of fun to be had with below average standards... the golden ticket... 

[Lyubov]

2 hours ago, Girzo said:

Dunno, apps seems superior to normal dating to me. I swipe like on every girl I can, write with most I can and go out with as many that I liked that I can. It's ultra efficient. Normally you would go out twice or thrice a week to a party and maybe get a single date out of that. With an app you can go on a date three times a week and skyrocket your dating skills.

And due to corona and lockdowns? Twice as many matches as usual minimum. Every girl sits on apps right now.

I hardly ever get matches and I know my pics and profile are good. A few pretty girls that are friends have told me I have a good profile. I maybe get one match a week... Maybe I need to swallow some crow and admit my profile is meh? Thing is though I live in a small town. I got way more matches when I was in the city :\ I think tinder has their business model set up on the courtship men have to go through to get dates. I bet you anything most of the perks are purchased by straight men. 

[Thestarguitarist14]

@Lyubov Online dating is definitely easier when you are in a big city.

 

People go on and on about matches.  Again, not hard to get.  But how many of those transfer to dates?

[7thLetter]

Pretty much replying to everyone here, but a really good point that the article makes is the fact that because of how our biology works and interacts with the technology, men are at a disadvantage. Men are visual, women are interpersonal. Within' seconds a guy will decide whether or not he's attracted to a woman based on her photos and swipe right. Women on the other hand of course judge a guy based on his looks but mainly look for an attractive personality, social status, etc. With that being said, it takes quite a bit for a woman to decide to swipe right, but of course she's probably not instantly hooked yet once she matches with a guy, she wants to know what he's like over a text conversation. Another good point that the article makes is that text is weak. Texting just doesn't give the girl the full picture of what your personality is like, its literally just words on a phone screen. She can't read body language, verbal cues, eye contact, etc. which I would say helps the girl find attraction for a guy.

Overall, this makes it difficult and frustrating for men to find dates with women. Again, NOT saying online dating doesn't work, people definitely meet through online dating. A good profile, good text game help men get laid and get dates there's no doubt about it. I'm just simply agreeing with the the points made about the psychology/biology of women that make it difficult for women to make a decision about a guy on online dating apps, which as a result leads to a lower chance of success for men.

Please read the article guys if you haven't.

Another good point I wanted to touch on about dating apps is that the algorithm is designed to make you spend money on their premium services. One thing I noticed about Tinder is that when you create a new account, you appear at the top of the list of guys shown to women in your area. As you continue to swipe and use the app, over time your visibility decreases. That's why they have "Boost" options for $3.79 or "Tinder Gold," some shit like that. As a free member you're basically being put at the bottom of the list and competing with men who create new accounts and men who pay for boosts, and girls have to keep swiping until they get through all the paid members/new accounts to get to the free members who have been on the app for a while. Kinda fucked up isn't it.

If you haven't seen this, here's a good Tinder experiment video on Youtube made a while back. They created two real profiles of an attractive male and an attractive female. Guess who got the most messages and matches? You guessed it right, the female. Out of 1000 right swipes on each profile, the man had a 27% match rate while the woman had a 70% match rate. Here's the video:

 

[7thLetter]

@Recursoinominado I was actually searching on Google for an explanation on why women find me more attractive in person rather than online. Trying to fully understand why that's the case, then I found this article. Confirmation bias? Sure I guess, if you want to call it that. I won't deny that I struggle with online dating, its surely is difficult and it really fucks me up. Its not healthy. I consider myself to be an above average looking male, maybe a 7/10, and I rarely match with the girls that I swipe right on. I only match with females I find to be average, then I honestly don't even message them. Maybe 5-10% of the time I match with a girl I find attractive.

Over 5 years of using Tinder, I've probably only matched with under 10 hot girls who were down for me but I fucked it up with bad text game. Two of them gave me a lot of chances but I just fucked it. Tinder just makes me realize I suck at talking to women over text.

But I'm not here to complain, just here to understand the psychology of this question and understand how dating apps are designed. Something tells me you didn't read the article, it talks about how dating apps are designed to get your money. Read my post above, the algorithm is designed to decrease your visibility over time, making you compete with members who are willing to pay for premium services. So I'm also commenting and agreeing on that point, its not like this thread is about me complaining about how dating apps don't work.

Edited October 19, 2020 by 7thLetter

[RendHeaven]

@Thestarguitarist14 lol ya I have zero matches because i'm currently in a super rural area during the pandemic.

 

... probably doesn't help that i almost never swipe right 

[Recursoinominado]

9 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

it talks about how dating apps are designed to get your money.

Is this new for you? Wtf

Of course, it will not favor you in any way and the women there will choose the top 5% of guys with a better profile, not only looks but all the points i wrote in my previous post.

But my point is: you can bitch about it (and it explains in part your lack of success with women) or you can find solutions.

Online dating shouldn't be your primary dating strategy anyway.

9 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

I was actually searching on Google for an explanation on why women find me more attractive in person rather than online.

IT's simple: with online dating the best thing girls can select you is by your looks and social proof.

In-person you can be a total loser but if you act like a boss in front of her, she will love you. She isn't paying much attention to your looks, it is only a bonus at best.  IF you are good looking but shy and lack confidence, she will not like you. 

 

[7thLetter]

15 minutes ago, Recursoinominado said:

Is this new for you? Wtf

No, but it ties in with the fact that this whole discussion is about, which is “online dating is basically useless.” For example I list reasons why that’s the case from the article, and on top of that, the dating app algorithm is designed to put free members at a severe disadvantage in comparison to paid members. You don’t even acknowledge this in your point you just say girls choose 5% of guys with a better profile, that has nothing to do with the apps taking people’s money.

23 minutes ago, Recursoinominado said:

But my point is: you can bitch about it (and it explains in part your lack of success with women) or you can find solutions.

Tell me what makes you think I’m bitching about it even though I said I’m not? Plus I even admit to my lack of success with online dating apps so I’m not bitching. This is just a topic for discussion, to understand the psychology behind it all. That’s what we all come to these forums for, to understand how certain things work. Plus I’m just sharing something I found valuable.
You’re assuming things about me and what I’m saying through a forum post, just like what everyone else does on these forums. If you’re going to assume, based on what you’re saying I assume you STILL didn’t read the article. If you actually read it then you would understand the whole point of this thread and actually start to make some good points of your own based on what was said in the article.

[Recursoinominado]

29 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

the dating app algorithm is designed to put free members at a severe disadvantage in comparison to paid members.

So? Good luck jerking off forever then.

Listen, stop looking for problems and start looking for solutions. That's the mindset of a top 5% men anyway.