Bliss Chasing

[Raptorsin7]

Sorry for the rant below, but i want to provide as much clarity and nuance as I can.

So back in Feburary i had a peak experience on LSD, where it felt like there was a mass of tension in my head that was dissolved(for lack of a better term). I had done LSD before and never came close to this kind of experience. After the tension fully released, it felt like the top of my head literally opened up, and after that i felt a weird substance flow through my body. This led to the peak where i felt bliss flowing through my body, and surge of confidence, euphoria etc. Since then i've done a handful of trips, some of which i've gotten close to a similar release, but never quite to that degree. It's always the same pattern though, there's this tension in my head/face and the degree to which i can relieve it is the degree to which i break through into higher tier feeling and being. Even now while i'm sober(Not fully sober i'm on welbutrin (an amphetmaine anti-depressant that actually helps relieve the tension in my head a tiny amount), i can feel that same tension in my head, and when i meditate and breathe there is some kind of release, but nowhere near the point where i can fully release it and let it go. It also is related to my breathing, i've noticed for a while that i had some trouble breathing, and was constantly having sinus problems and nose bleeds. But when the tension release it feels like there's a mass of tension around my nose that is also released and my breathing clears up. I also noticed that I was able to more fully feel tension points in my body, and it was like I was more in tune and inside my body. I also noticed increase in coordination during these breakthrough trips (I'd say i'm mildy autistic given some coordination problems, and repetitive habits etc)

So... a few concerns and thoughts I have on this situation are as follows:

1. I am chasing this peak or high, i've been doing this basically since the experience happened. I feel that same tension/pressure in my head while sober, and it feels like there is a block there. On the one hand it feels like i'm just chasing a high and this is just a dead end of self defeating behavior. On the other hand, there's clearly something to this knot and tension located in my head that is affecting me some major ways... it feels like my head is contracted( like much of my body) and for whatever reason the LSD opens the mind/head right up. 

2. How do i resolve this conflict? On the one hand, i'm a drug addict chasing an LSD high. On the other hand, there's a contraction in my body (the head) and seeking a way to release the contract is a wise move. I'm a stiff person, i have a ton of tension in my shoulders, back, head etc but i wonder if the release of bliss and sort of astral body i get from releasing the knot in the head is normal? 

3. The knot is also influenced by meditation and breathing. I've noticed that the few peak experiences I had, when i would breathe into the knot it would help loosen it up and facilitate the release. I've also noticed that when i used the zgochen technique of becoming aware of the experience of being aware, or turning attention towards it self, it has a big effect on the knot.

[Forestluv]

57 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I'm a stiff person, i have a ton of tension in my shoulders, back, head etc but i wonder if the release of bliss and sort of astral body i get from releasing the knot in the head is normal? 

I don't know about the head knot thing, yet I'm also a very stiff person and I know a lot about that.

Psychedelics haven't helped me with stiffness. I've found Yin Yoga much more effective. Deep tissue pressure point massage also helps, yet it's too expensive for me to do regularly. 

[Leo Gura]

Psychedelics are a gateway which show you the work you need to be doing outside of psychedelics.

Put the down the LSD and get to working fixing all the shit that LSD brought to your attention.

Then, take another hit some months down the road.

[VeganAwake]

Also maybe Insurance can pay for a chiropractic visit or something. I know tension in the back, shoulders and neck can cause all kinds of issues in the body... pinched nerves weird things like that.

Or maybe 30 minutes hot tub or sauna then massage and maybe a mild muscle relaxer could be prescribed. ❤

[Raptorsin7]

@Forestluv @Leo Gura Do your psychidelic experiences involve a certain part of your body or does it vary from trip to trip? All of my trips involve the same sensations in my head, and they unravel in the same way to varying degrees each trip. Does your felt sense of being change, i know on my better trips I get almost an astral sense of self, sometimes with the sense of self felt as bliss.

@Forestluv@Leo Gura If the psychidelics showed me that the release of tension from the head leads to profound changes in my sense of self and reality, then is that I should be striving towards? Or is the tension something that is not meant to be released, and what i experienced was just a peak, and chasing the peak will get nowhere? 

@Forestluv From what i've read so far, I think there's a link between body tension, personality/character, and general well being.

I have a host of psychological problems, mainly involving an immature ego, and I also have a very rigid posture/body as well as abnormalities in how I walk, write, etc. Given what i've experienced on my trips, the release of tension from the head leads to a change in how my entire body is felt and functions, whatever is being released from the pressure in the head, has a dramatic impact on the functioning of my entire sense of self. My coordination is better, I am more in my body and feel connected, and i'm more aware of deeper tension/stress located in different parts of my body. Problem solving and creativity were also enhanced during the trips I was able to release the tension, and i'm assuming the more developed an ego becomes the more creative and effective a person comes at whatever they pursue.

I've felt myself slip into the schizoid/anti-social end of personality function over the past few months and it definitely corelates with the rigidity of my body. Imagine the sense of self of an anti-social person, it's reserved, contracted, and closed off from the world. I think you see this manifest in their bodies as well. Now, imagine the opposite end of the spectrum, a loving, self actualized person. Their sense of self is expansive, open, relaxed. This would also correlate with their felt sense of the body, and would also show in character as peace, compassion, and calm. 

I also noticed a relationship between crying and the contractions in my body. After my peak experience on LSD, the next day I felt a strong urge to cry. It felt as though the intense crying would alleviate pressure in the same area that the LSD had acted upon. But when the time came for the release, my body physically resisted the urge to cry. I imagine for some people full on crying is a freeflowing experience, but I imagine my inability to cry and release is related to all the factors mentioned above.

The problem for me is in how to approach the problem. There's clearly multiple facets interacting, and I don't know which point deserves the most attention. Would addressing the tension with direct stimulation work, or does it require forming connections with human beings and having new experiences to unlock more of the self, or maybe some other factor I haven't considered.

Interestingly, the release of tension from the head isn't just influenced by LSD. I've started taking wellbutrin, and it does feel like ~10% of the effect that LSD has had on my experience.

[Thought Art]

I found LSD and 5Meo showed me how tense my body was, it was sort of overwhelming! It inspired me! I have been pounding out the yoga and meditation! As well as using my Neoryhthm when I meditate. Been huge for opening my heart and getting me out of my most recent ego-backlash/ set backs! 

I heard a saying that is "the issue is in the tissue". Our bodies hold a lot of emotions in our muscles. I am finding the more yoga I am doing it is not only stretching the physical body but opening up the emotional and energetic body. Sort of like gaining a new sense. The energy is thick, syrup like, and very warm and sweet. I am learning to apprecaite it and sit with it. The heart is super powerful. Sort of reminds of me of the mid point between a full DMT trip where you gain this sort of new perception of sound and sensation... Yoga is great!

A hammer is a hammer is a hammer. Yet, personal growth is like screw drivers. So many heads, can't use them all like a hammer...

Edited October 17, 2020 by Thought Art

[mandyjw]

Peak experiences don't come from doing the right stuff to get them. They come from something like honest curiosity and exploration which isn't a doing. You have to be completely open when you're exploring to having some not so great experiences. If you're exploring music in hopes to find something new you really love, you're going to listen to a lot of music you don't enjoy. See what I mean? Fall in love with the adventure and the exploration itself.

Check out Rupert Spira's yoga meditations, yoga, especially yin yoga, any kind of exercise or activity you feel inspired to do. Explore.