Motivated Only By Negativity

[Akemrelax]

Hey guys,

I've been trying but I cannot motivate myself positively. Idk if this is a personality thing or what but my strongest motivation is always negative. I can't think of a time when I was positively motivated, it has always been trying to "fix" something or trying to "move away" from a situation. My strongest motivations are always coming from a place of dissatisfaction. It's feels angry-ish, usually short-bursts of high energy, working like a perfectionist, then relaxing. 

I understand that negative motivation can lead to getting into comfort zones, but I feel I am not chasing pleasure (I think). I understand there is nothing to do in life. I consciously choose to pursue things, challenge myself, and create a meaningful life. It is just that, my motivation feels very "negative", raw, aggressive, and focused on moving away from the place I am currently in, and less on moving towards a place. Whenever I try to use positive motivation or positive emotions I become lazy, negativity is so much more motivating for me. 

"Going to work should be like going to war, battle plans drawn, with the aim to crush the enemy." - Nathan Glass. This is what it feels like to me.

Is this a personality thing? Will it change overtime cause I recently realized what I should pursue in life? Am I not visioning right (I'm really bad visioning stuff)? Am I in stage red or orange (I don't feel like I am)?

What do think?

Edited October 15, 2020 by Akemrelax

[Preety_India]

 

This is a bit stage Orange mentality. 

I recommend you to integrate the Feminine side in you 

Once you take in and absorb the feminine traits in you, you will start looking for positive motivation. 

This is not your fault alone. This is the case for most men. They thrive on criticism negative motivation. 

But the highly integrated males bypass this problem 

 

 

[Akemrelax]

I guess I should clarify, I'm not exactly motivated by negative motivation (pleasure), but when I have a goal, I approach it with the urgency and seriousness of going to war. It's either very serious or not at all. Idk if this is normal or healthy.

Wars can be ambitious too. Positively motivated by wanting more land and wealth. Campaigning to enemy lands in thrill of adventure and glory.

 

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Once you take in and absorb the feminine traits in you, you will start looking for positive motivation. 

Femininity makes me let go desires, good for meditating, not good for motivation. Maybe motivation and life purpose is suppose to be a stage orange thing.

[Preety_India]

 

7 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

I guess I should clarify, I'm not exactly motivated by negative motivation (pleasure), but when I have a goal, I approach it with the urgency and seriousness of going to war. It's either very serious or not at all. Idk if this is normal or healthy.

Wars can be ambitious too. Positively motivated by wanting more land and wealth. Campaigning to enemy lands in thrill of adventure and glory.

 

Femininity makes me let go desires, good for meditating, not good for motivation. Maybe motivation and life purpose is suppose to be a stage orange thing.

Then you have misunderstood femininity. Femininity is about growth, fertility and positive motivation. You're taking it as something passive. Feminine growth is strong and positive and empathetic. 

If you integrate it, it's very helpful.

[supremeyingyang]

@Akemrelax

First of all that Quote is AWESOME!

Negative Motivation is better than nothing. The Question is what you work towards and if you would have chosen it if you were positively Motivated.

15 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

It's feels angry-ish, usually short-bursts of high energy, working like a perfectionist, then relaxing.

Maybe you have to channel you anger more effectively so that it can flow, so to speak. I, for example, let all the anger inside and have to work to release pressure. If you work on that it could be the case that you are able to be more focused.

Your diet, Caffeine intake and your Sleep Schedule is also aligned with your Energy - so check is there is something wacky.

Maybe is @Preety_India right and you need Feminine Energy. That reminds me of The Way of the Superior Man where Deida writes that Feminin Energy is all around us, we just have to take it in... It could easily be so opposite (grow more Masculine) or do both. Only you can say. For me it sounds that you need to grow overall more healthy.

15 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

I understand there is nothing to do in life.

That Thinking seems Demotivating and Depressing to me. Why do you believe that?

15 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

Will it change overtime cause I recently realized what I should pursue in life?

What is it you want to pursue in life? Is it too big to start? Do you know how to do it or is it just an Idea?

 

[Akemrelax]

4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

Maybe is @Preety_India right and you need Feminine Energy. That reminds me of The Way of the Superior Man where Deida writes that Feminin Energy is all around us, we just have to take it in... It could easily be so opposite (grow more Masculine) or do both. Only you can say. For me it sounds that you need to grow overall more healthy.

No, it’s not that. I think I’m just mistaking drive and being proactive with aggression. I think I’m just not use to it yet.

4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

That Thinking seems Demotivating and Depressing to me. Why do you believe that?

In the ultimate sense there is no meaning or purpose. It’s relative. But you need to create it to live a good life. 

4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

What is it you want to pursue in life? Is it too big to start? Do you know how to do it or is it just an Idea?

My long term goal is to help people medically. My short term goal is to do well in my university program. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Akemrelax said:

No, it’s not that. I think I’m just mistaking drive and being proactive with aggression. I think I’m just not use to it yet

Ahh? there you go, that's a shadow. 

 

[Forestluv]

Ime, recognizing something about myself I want to change is half the battle.

You remind me. .  . for much of my life I was motivated by fear. . . Fear of doing poorly in school, fear of rejection, fear of losing a job and on and on. Yet without fear, I wasn't motivated. I really wanted to be motivated by passion and excitement. Things like creating new things. I spent a lot of effort trying to retrain myself to be intrinsically motivated toward things I felt good about doing. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Forestluv said:

. I really wanted to be motivated by passion and excitement

That's the whole point. 

 

[Byun Sean]

@Akemrelax

Idk if this will also work for you but what helped me on my journey is making goal setting system like this:

1. I make a list of my goals valued from least to greatest. 

 

2. Once I have my list of goals, I choose however many I want to pursue by putting time and energy toward that goal on a

daily basis. (Visualizing in detail what achieving your goal will look like in your life with all 5 senses can be a great positive

motivator as well).

 

3. Then once I have my schedule with times set to it, I let go of being perfect with it and accept: "If I get 0 things done its ok I

did what I could. If I got 1 of the things done I'm satisfied, If I get 50 percent of them done I'm very happy, and if I get 100

percent of my schedule done I completely aced the day

and I did amazing. I'll even do something to celebrate!

 

I find this mentality a lot more motivating because it takes the pressure off of me. It makes me know that I will be happy

however much work I get done and getting more done will just add to the happiness.

 

When I use this system rather than pressuring myself to be perfect every time, I usually was more

productive and happy in the end.

 

Edited October 16, 2020 by Byun Sean

[hyruga]

I can't believe I am saying this but maybe the book 'Power vs Force' will help.

It talks about how force works: when you force yourself to move up from apathy to anger to action etc.

And then it talks about having real power and motivations to doing things when it just feels natural to be doing what you like.

[Preety_India]

To remove your shadow. 

You need a little bit of stage Red integration. 

Don't be scared of Red. Red can be heroic and aggressive but in a good way. Red is the Black Mamba. 

Follow TJ Reeves for raw motivation. 

Watch this video on positive aggression, stage Red, to know more. 

 

[Akemrelax]

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

You remind me. .  . for much of my life I was motivated by fear. . . Fear of doing poorly in school, fear of rejection, fear of losing a job and on and on. Yet without fear, I wasn't motivated. I really wanted to be motivated by passion and excitement. Things like creating new things. I spent a lot of effort trying to retrain myself to be intrinsically motivated toward things I felt good about doing. 

Hmmm. Maybe.

It may just be a personality trait. Or I may not be use to being driven. My lazy ego playing tricks on me. I am starting to think it's not a problem at all.

For eg. if I want to read a book, wanting to read it motivates me, but I still have to self-flagellate, but that self-flagellation is to read the book. And I kind of enjoy that self-flagellation, like for it's own sake. Maybe I am using both + -.

IDK it's hard to explain, I'm not motivated by fear alone per say, but if I decide to have a goal I am motivated more by moving away from point A than going to point B. I am starting to think those two approaches are not that different after all. The desire to go to point B is the same as the desire to avoid going to all the other points. 

The duality between the carrot and the stick is starting to break... duality between fear and desire.

You know self-flagellation is a spiritual practice too. I kind wanna do that.

@Byun Sean Alright. I'll try to implement that.

@hyruga Alright. I'll put "power vs. force" in my book list. 

@Preety_India Lack of stage red is what I was thinking.

Edited October 16, 2020 by Akemrelax

[universe]

There are many ways to be motivated.

• Intrinsic motivation
• Extrinsic motivation
• Introjected motivation
• Identified motivation
• Positive motivation
• Negative motivation

etc.

Negative motivation definitely has it's use. It can be very strong. But if you think that your motivation is not long enough, that could be a result of negative motivation. Because by design once you reach a certain point it will go away.

Also it sounds like you are forcing things too much. This usually happens when we have a strong desire or need to do something. You have to be careful here because it can become draining really fast.

The best results you will get with flow. When you can enjoy the process. Instead of forcing things you let them arise while being in your power.

To get to that maybe requires to look a little deeper. Are you normally running away from things in your life? Maybe you are running from yourself. Learn to stop and just be. When you are more grounded in being you will feel the power running through you. 

 

"Force is incomplete and therefore has to be fed energy constantly. Power is total and complete in itself and requires nothing from the outside. It makes no demands; it has no needs. Because force has an insatiable appetite, it constantly consumes. Power, in contrast, energizes, gives forth, supplies and supports."

David Hawkins

 

Also it's per se, not per say.

❤️

[Akemrelax]

@universe I think the problem may also have to do with my physical health (sleep schedule, deficiencies, and nutrition). This may be the main issue. I noticed I wake up groggy and I don't have enough energy, so I force my body to do work. It may be a combination of physical and psychological with both feeding into each other. I'll be focusing on physical health too. It will be a long process, I shouldn't expect to feel better overnight.