Why are most people not interested in Self-Actualization?

[preventingdiabetes]

I tried giving one of my friends some golden advice for what they want to do in life. He just brushed it off and made a joke out of it.

If I was in his shoes, I would be asking more and more questions out of curiosity.

 

It doesn't make any sense to me. If people are directionless in life, why do they have no interest in solving it? 

[poimandres]

#1, they forgot we are still living in a survival situation so critical thinking isn't required as much anymore.

That being said, actualization goals are abstract. In a materialistically focused world, how do you prove intangible goals like switching your psychology? Or you learned how to lucid dream? The dominant mindset here is "That must not exist! Where is the proof?"

Critically looking in the mirror and even the thought of needing to change, is extremely hard for most people. Facing their demons, is just that. No one wants to confront demons because they are scary.

Edited October 15, 2020 by poimandres

[hyruga]

Not true. 

Most people in my opinion are interested in self actualization.

They just could not do it due to various reasons or obstacles or resistance.

Your friend probably has super low consciousness or super high resistance.

Edited October 15, 2020 by hyruga

[soos_mite_ah]

It could be for a variety of reasons

Self actualization work is difficult and scary. Most people don't like facing their inner demons and questioning their life. They just want to live in the moment and carry on doing what they are doing.

Because this work is difficult and scary, it takes a lot of emotional labor and time. A lot of people don't have that type of energy so when they come back from their exhausting jobs, they plop down in front of the TV to get their mind off of it and relax. 

Some people don't understand how practical self help can be. I know growing up I was criticized for having my head in the clouds and being contemplative when I would question myself and my reality in order to figure out my values so that I can find out what I wanted to do with my life. People thought I was being too deep and wasting my time I could've used for other things such as studying, socializing, and partying. 

Some people are also not even conscious enough to realize what a gold mine self actualization can be and they aren't conscious of how they also need help. It's always the ones who needed the most that don't work on themselves. 

Sometimes when you give someone advice, they aren't in a place in their life to truely integrated it and become receptive to it. As a result they will brush you off. I had something similar happen to me once. One time I gave someone advice and then they looked like they had an existential crisis and because they were overwhelmed they shut out the piece of advice I had. 

And then there is just good ol classic self deception. 

[soos_mite_ah]

3 minutes ago, hyruga said:

Not true. 

Most people in my opinion are interested in self actualization.

They just could not do it due to various reasons or obstacles or resistance.

Your friend probably has super low consciousness or super high resistance.

I mean I think that perspective it's skewed if you hang around this forum a lot, if you take in a lot of self development content, or if you have a lot of friends doing similar types of work. Typical normies, at least from my experience, are just trying to get through the day and survive, not thrive or actualize. You don't have to be in a super low consciousness to be in that state.  

[Megan Alecia]

@preventingdiabetes It's really hard. 

It also alienates a lot of people, because culture itself is designed to make people NOT to self-actualize).

[Preety_India]

Some people want a lot of fun 

 

Just pure fun.

 

 

[hyruga]

Ok anyway I am out.

I am interested in achieving self-actualization but not interested in why people are not interested in self-actualization.

[fridjonk]

They're afraid of change. 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

If I was in his shoes, I would be asking more and more questions out of curiosity.

If you were in his shoes, you'd be him, and you'd behave exactly as he did.

Your attitude is different precisely because you are not in his shoes.

[TripleFly]

Not enough suffering to awaken. Or to seek other ways.

Just ignorance.

Edited October 15, 2020 by TripleFly

[preventingdiabetes]

@poimandres @fridjonk 

So is this what most of society is doing? Sweeping their demons under the rug?

 

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you were in his shoes, you'd be him, and you'd behave exactly as he did.

Your attitude is different precisely because you are not in his shoes.

By that, I meant his situation. I worded it wrong. 

 

If I was directionless in life, I'd try to figure out how to fix it.

My peers and my family seem very carefree. I've found that I'm not interested in them or the topics they talk about (gossip, social life, shallow conversations, etc).

That's not to say they're bad people. I'm just not interested in them. 

 

Feels pretty lonely... especially after feeling so close and secure with my family for so long. Their lives are what I'm trying to avoid. 

[preventingdiabetes]

6 minutes ago, TripleFly said:

Not enough suffering to awaken. Or to seek other ways.

Just ignorance.

Could the easy comfort be the cause of ignorance? 

[fridjonk]

@preventingdiabetes He has to find his own way out. What you said to him may have impacted him more than he may have led you to believe. I doubt it didn't impact him in any way, even the most minuscule impact is some impact. And if he made a joke out of it, I'd say that means it hit home and he couldn't handle the advice on the spot.

This is precisely what society is doing, they're drowning themselves in cheap entertainment and will do anything to not sit alone with their thoughts. 

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, preventingdiabetes said:

By that, I meant his situation. I worded it wrong.

His situation cannot be separated from him.

Your situation cannot be separated from you.

You ARE your situation. And he is his.

[nistake]

Yesterday I found an awesome quote from Ram Dass. It's quite relevant here:

Quote

 

"When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying 'You are too this, or I'm too this.' That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are."

 

 

[poimandres]

5 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

@poimandres @fridjonk 

So is this what most of society is doing? Sweeping their demons under the rug?

 

Correct. How many people do you know that have actively sought out psychotherapy to figure out why they do the behaviors they do, or why they keep getting with the wrong partners? To examine these things requires the patient to examine themselves, their downfalls, why they keep getting sucked into the lure of charm of others (or whatever the case maybe). Some people may not be emotionally strong enough (in the case of why people can't leave abusive partners, it's fucking hard and scary!).

People would rather watch tv and be told how to live life (or live vicariously through others) rather than do something hard and create a life they want to life (which doesn't happen overnight). Life doesn't have an instruction manual, but some people need to be told how to live. An example of this, is any overly religious person. They have to have authority to report to. Or why most people's education stops at the end of graduation (either high school or college). They quit pushing themselves when no one else is demanding them to be better. Some of Freud's theories, imo, are still very accurate with regards to our parents and how we were all raised (and how we seek out partners).

[preventingdiabetes]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

His situation cannot be separated from him.

Your situation cannot be separated from you.

You ARE your situation. And he is his.

I meant external circumstances 

Again, my wording was flawed. 
 

@fridjonk @poimandres @TripleFly

 

Is it common for people here to strive for self-actualisation after going through suffering and wanting to change? 

[Byun Sean]

@preventingdiabetes

He's not listening to you because

1. He looks at reality in a completely different way than you. A different level of consciousness, experiences, life situation, etc causing him to pursue certain things to fulfill his unique needs for where he's at in life.

Consider he may not be at a point in his life where he is ready or interested in self actualization. A lot of people aren't.

 

2. You see him as an imperfect or flawed person that needs to be fixed by being put on the path of self actualization. He

senses this off of you making him want to reject every idea you have to say. People like to feel loved, welcomed, and

accepted before opening up enough emotionally to ask someone for advice.

 

3. If you truly want to help him:

          1. love him as a perfect and whole being as he is without need of change.

          2. Never give advice unsolicited. Speak your truth but never with the intention of changing him to be different to fit

          your ego's ideal picture.

          3. If he asks for advice, meet him where he is at and really try to put yourself in his shoes.

Edited October 16, 2020 by Byun Sean

[poimandres]

3 hours ago, preventingdiabetes said:

I meant external circumstances 

Again, my wording was flawed. 
 

@fridjonk @poimandres @TripleFly

 

Is it common for people here to strive for self-actualisation after going through suffering and wanting to change? 

You mean on the forum? I'm off and on here quite a bit (my post count is low). I'm just saying broadly speaking and it's only my opinion.

Edited October 16, 2020 by poimandres