Need Help

[SS10]

Hi All

I feel like I need some encouragement after taking a huge backslide in my life. I am a recovering gambling addict, and have been making good progress in kicking my habit in the past few months but the same impulsivity kicked back in when i started day trading. I lost a sizable amount of money and i am even further back in my personal development than i was when i started. I do have a vision for my life if i was able to actualize my potential but i am struggling to pick myself back up, forgive myself and move forward as well as stop looking in the past and future too much. Do you have any advice on how to stop living in the past and to forgive myself? Also i have been taking anti-depressants to help weather the storm, but i am having trouble getting off them as it gets to depressing when i am off them. I've heard you have to wait an X amount of time to do psychedelics when you have taken anti depressants and this is one solution i have been pondering. I have been looking inwards and doing a lot on introspection, as well as seeing a therapist. Do you have any other advice or words of wisdom? A reply from you could give me the charge i need to get back on my fee

[silene]

Hi sorry to hear you're going through this, addictions of any sort can take a lot of work to get over. Relapses can happen for anyone, you're not alone. I find a daily meditation and my mindfulness habit is valuable to help me focus on the present and letting go of things which I can't change (like the past), and putting my energy into positive plans for the future. Also journalling has helped me express my feelings rather than dwell on them, celebrate successes, keep track of progress and if I write down my plans and resolutions it feels like I'm more committed. 

Letting go is a meditation technique itself, which I've had success with, I think Leo has a video on it. 

Good luck and welcome to the forum too

Edited October 15, 2020 by silene

[kag101]

On 14/10/2020 at 10:59 AM, SS10 said:

Also i have been taking anti-depressants to help weather the storm, but i am having trouble getting off them as it gets to depressing when i am off them.

Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?

[SS10]

27 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Have you been diagnosed with clinical depression?

Yes I have 

[SS10]

21 hours ago, silene said:

Hi sorry to hear you're going through this, addictions of any sort can take a lot of work to get over. Relapses can happen for anyone, you're not alone. I find a daily meditation and my mindfulness habit is valuable to help me focus on the present and letting go of things which I can't change (like the past), and putting my energy into positive plans for the future. Also journalling has helped me express my feelings rather than dwell on them, celebrate successes, keep track of progress and if I write down my plans and resolutions it feels like I'm more committed. 

Letting go is a meditation technique itself, which I've had success with, I think Leo has a video on it. 

Good luck and welcome to the forum too

thanks for this!

[Nahm]

On 10/14/2020 at 9:59 AM, SS10 said:

Hi All

I feel like I need some encouragement after taking a huge backslide in my life.

Just a different perspective, or lens that can be utilized...rather than ‘it was a backslide’....”What I’ve learned going forward is_________”.  Or, “I now know more about what I don’t want, and therefore I know much more about what I do want which is _____, _______, and ______”.

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I am a recovering gambling addict,

The actions and behaviors are not the entity. It is good to acknowledge the behaviors, but not always helpful to identify as it. What you do, what you’ve done, does not define you. Thought is for communication & creation, not identification (imo). A bit of a nuance perhaps, but a thought never identifies...a thought is sometimes mistakenly identified with. A thought is, a thought. You are awareness, aware of, a thought. There is no thing in this world like you, awareness (of those thoughts). Awareness (you) is infinitely powerful. 

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and have been making good progress in kicking my habit in the past few months but the same impulsivity kicked back in when i started day trading.

Also just a different perspective for your consideration... If the focus is on ‘kicking my habit’, the focus is on ‘your’ habit, and being identified with it, or claiming ownership of it, is not exactly the same as noting the behaviors, with a little ‘you space’ between you & the behavior. Also, if impulsivity is simplified as just - feeling -...then....”in focusing on what I do not want, feeling is still telling me something”. It is possible there is something else you desire to focus on and create, and feeling is ‘telling you’ this. Idk, you’d have to ‘feel into feeling’ / listen to the message, so to speak. My impulsive habit doesn’t leave a lot of space, for you, and imo it is the youness that more of would serve the change you want. 

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I lost a sizable amount of money and i am even further back in my personal development than i was when i started.

Revisiting that first perspective offered... To the extent you have less money, it could be said you are financially ‘further back’...but if feeling is heard, and you are not identifying (as mentioned above)...then you are actually ‘further ahead’ if you will, in personal development. “What I have learned is ______, ______ & ______”, might be a powerful, clarifying, and rejuvenating exercise of expression for you. A ‘shift’ into a whole new lens, you might say. 

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I do have a vision for my life if i was able to actualize my potential but i am struggling to pick myself back up, forgive myself and move forward as well as stop looking in the past and future too much. Do you have any advice on how to stop living in the past and to forgive myself?

Write a letter of forgiveness and love - to your potential. The thought is silly, the direct experience is powerful. Say what yo want to say to your potential. Be heard - it is listening. 

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Also i have been taking anti-depressants to help weather the storm, but i am having trouble getting off them as it gets to depressing when i am off them.

It can be very powerful, revealing, and renewing of energy to really articulate exactly what that ‘it’ is. You might find it is a perspective you picked up a while back that isn’t serving you anymore. Maybe about you, maybe about the world, maybe some of both. Scrutinizing as to precisely what that ‘it’ is can help noticing which specific perspectives are arising which do not resonate in feeling. I suffered depression, it sucks, and I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing that. However, I removed the label of ‘depression’, and listened to feeling. I found the depression never came back (bout 24 yrs ago) and feeling, that which I listen to, has never left since. That is, the guidance of what I called feeling, was more like a really good friend that actually always had my best interests in mind, was always loving me. Even when, and especially when, I did not believe it nor realize it was so. 

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I've heard you have to wait an X amount of time to do psychedelics when you have taken anti depressants and this is one solution i have been pondering. I have been looking inwards and doing a lot on introspection, as well as seeing a therapist. Do you have any other advice or words of wisdom? A reply from you could give me the charge i need to get back on my fee

You’ve got to just continue to utilize your resources and research that. A psychiatrist with psychedelic direct experience would be the ideal resource, but I do not know of one. Google might. 

I’ll offer this... ‘this too shall pass’ is perhaps the most powerful statement. Be most caring for yourself in the sense, how you see things now will not be how you’ll see things for ever. Compare how you see things now to when you were five. Big difference...and it only gets bigger, and better, in this regard. More life experience = more and more understanding. Let go of thought & perspectives which don’t resonate swiftly - don’t dabble or dwell in it, allow them to ‘pass’...and breath, and feel. When they come, look for a pattern as to what they relate to. Look for reoccurring beliefs about yourself, subtlety underlying the context or matter at hand. 

In large part, psychedelics kind of ‘make you’ relax, breath, and be present. So choosing to do that now, again and again, is very cumulatively relieving, and simultaneously excellent preparation for when trip time does come around. Godspeed! Also, just sharing this cause I love ya. Hang in there! ☀️ It’s comin. 

[LeoX8]

@SS10 hey man, I want to help you somehow so listen up.

I know it may seem hard but you need to take a step back for some time. 

just relax

You are not a monster, your habit is in the past and IS NOT a reprentation of you. 

The suffering that you call depression is just that: suffering. And you sound more like someone who wants this suffering to end.  

I know you want to have  a good life, I know you are a good and loving person and the thing that triggers you right now is that you are failing to show to yourself that you can do all of that. There is no magic pill that will make you happy, only you can, and you can certanly do it. 

Recognize this: you are suffering, you are feeling like shit right now and everything seem helpless. Happiness seem so far from you, it seems like an impossibile task, something that just can't happen. But even if it seems impossible, useless to try, helpless and even if you think you are not worthy of happiness and love, do you want to be happy? Do you want to love and be loved as much as you can? Do you want to stop feeling like shit and start being happy  and smile when you think about yourself? 

If  the answer is yes you are human my friend, and you just want to live and love your life. Take this deeper: recognize that this desire that you have for yourself is the ultimate form of love that you have for you, the greatest creature in this universe.

I know life is difficult, but I also know that you are capable of beautiful things, even get you and your life in a good position, even if it seems impossible.

Love as much as you can, especially yourself. And remember that  there are people ready to help you in any moment if you need. 

Your life will shine one day remember

with love, Leo (not Leo Gura another one younger and with hairs)

hope this has helped<3

[AlwaysJoggin]

@SS10 hello I’m also addict of gambling I lost alot of money and always lost all money even if i won. You need radical change you need to take radical action and experience new thinks And get and do uncomfortable things like maybe go travel go for a solo hitchhiking trip or go visit a friend of family member that lives far that can be fun you need to always seek ways to change how you view life be a strong person and confident and only putting yourself throw shit can build that. I am also gambling addict and yes i still I’m that’s ok love yourself we can go through this And recover just needs time and find love somewhere else rather than in gambling and money. Maybe find love with someone we meet in life but you have to live life and go seek it. i hope you the best I’ve never been on anti depressions even tho i get depressed alot. But working out helps me so try to get of them too <3 

trust me all we need is love. Plz look at the mirror and say to yourself “i love you “❤️ 

[SS10]

@Nahm I love you more. thanks for this.

[Nahm]

@SS10 ???