Confused Xd

[Jonathan]

I'm really confused  After watching Leo's video "Guided Meditation - The Next Level Of Meditation" I decided to see what this Adyashanti fello was about. After watching 10 or so of his videos, I've come to realize that I've spent the last year manipulating my experience with control type meditations. I've listened to a lot of Shinzen Young and I think there might be parallels between the do nothing technique and none manipulation type meditations. That being said, Shinzen advocates a discipline of the mind where Adyashanti advocates a letting go of control. I was fine doing both meditations until Adya talked about control type meditations being used as a way to resist what is. Now I'm questioning whether I should even do concentration type meditations. Entering into these trance like states have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, yet, I guess it has nothing to do with letting what is, be what is. I've heard Leo say that emotional mastery and enlightenment don't have to be exclusive. I'm wondering if at some point emotional mastery is used by the ego to perpetuate manipulation of reality. Even when i'm letting go of control, my mind is so accustomed to dropping into states of absorption. I still feel like i'm resisting what is by accidentally dropping into trances like states. Now I know that all states come to an end and letting reality be as it is, doesn't require any state for lasting happiness. This all makes me very uneasy and I'm just not so sure about even continuing my daily meditation habit now. I'm open to the possibility that I'm seeing this too black and white and that there is something I'm missing. I've started attempting to just let go of control and realizing no practice is needed to be what is. I love meditation as it's made a lot of hard times a lot easier to deal with, but am I wasting a lot of time developing high degrees of concentration and equanimity? Any advice or guidance would be extremely appreciated! What do you guys think about all of this?

[vizual]

Do the activities in which you feel you are getting the most out of. Don't let guru's convince you that certain kinds of meditations are useless. There are a lot of guru's who say that it doesn't matter what you do since in truth you are already enlightened. And that is true, everyone and everything is already "enlightened" but that doesn't mean anything if there is still a personal identification with ego. The same goes for the advice of to "just let go". Just letting go is good advice, but only when the student is ready. 

Like in learning to play a musical instrument. To fully express your art through music you first have to learn to master the notes and the techniques before you can "let go" and let the music flow through your fingers. This isn't a totally fair comparison since everyone can, in theory, become truth realized in an instant. Even though it almost never happens. 

So... keep practicing, or stop practicing. Find new types of techniques, read new spiritual books. Take a new look at your lifestyle. There is no one right answer. The most important thing is your intention. Be as pure as possible in your intent and the answers will come eventually one way or another. The whole search for enlightenment is one big game of trial and error. It's like you have a huge set of keys and you are trying to figure out which one fits the lock. The only way to find out is to try them one by one until it clicks. Guru's can - maybe - help you in narrowing down your search, but they will never be able to tell you which key fits the lock.