How to Create a Sense of Stability

[soos_mite_ah]

For a long time I held on to this notion of "being smart" as a part of my ego because it gave me a sense of stability growing up. Now as I am trying to dissolve the ego, I'm seeing how problematic it is. As a result, I feel like I'm in a very unstable place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I'm looking to find better forms of stability by cultivating conscious discipline by building consistent habits and by not wearing myself out too much by brow beating myself or being too harsh (because that's typically when discipline itself becomes undisciplined which turns you away from discipline as a whole, thus being counter productive).

I guess now I'm looking for stability in discipline rather than ego and that discipline is going to be centered around gentleness, consistency, and intentionality. 

I want to know yalls thoughts. Is this a more constructive way of creating a sense of stability? How have yall cultivated stability in yalls lives? I'm trying to figure out whether I'm approaching this correctly, if there is anything I'm missing because my ego is blinding me in someway, or if there is anything else that I can look into? 

[hyruga]

Read 'Ego is the enemy' to tame your ego.

[Preety_India]

 

Are you happy in life? 

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Preety_India Not as of right now. I'm going through an ego backlash state. School has been a dumpster fire lately and that is messing up my ability to be confident about my future and ability to thrive. It's a whole thing tbh. There is a lot that I'm unpacking. 

[Preety_India]

 

@soos_mite_ah

I can give you a couple of tips on how to navigate your current situation. I'm not aware of your school situation, like exactly what's going on with the school that is making you feel anxious about your future 

You'll need to stop thinking about your future at least for now. The Covid-19 situation is causing a lot of uncertainty. Wait till it is under control. Till then be relaxed and don't stress yourself out too much. The future right now is extremely uncertain for nearly everyone. So best is to not think too much about it. 

The problem with stability is that nothing is really stable, whether be relationships, career, job, finances etc. But the only thing that you can keep solidly stable is your physical health and your mental health. You'll need to take great care of your body and keep your mind always engaged in positive uplifting thoughts everyday. Do a ton of positive affirmations everyday because the negativity around you will gradually eat you up. To beat it, you'll have to constantly be upbeat. We live in uncertain times now. Whatever we have, we have to face. But for that we need good physical and mental health. That's really the motto for entire life because there will be many ups and downs in life. By keeping your mind and body stable everyday, you'll be ready to face whatever situation comes. 

Do a ton of self discipline but keep a balance with some entertainment. Don't be harsh on yourself. Keep doing your self discipline in slow consistent doses. 

Don't listen to your mind. The mind is always biased and tells us the worst possible case scenarios all the time. This is how the human mind works. It never allows space for anything peaceful to occur. The challenge lies in taming the mind, in essence you are taming your ego, because the ego has a great tendency to take over the mind and hijack it. 

So always learn to question anything that your mind tells you. Every thought and reaction to that thought has to be questioned critically. With daily 15 minutes meditation this is much easier to do. You can easily catch your mind telling you all sorts of wrong things. 

What I can see from your post that you're possibly pushing yourself or pressuring yourself to create instant stability. This will backfire very badly. Stability will come on its own when you willl have enough consistency. Also do not have a perfectionist mindset. That will backfire badly because we are never the same all days of the week and that's absolutely okay. Give yourself the permission to make mistakes. It's your inner child, let it run freely, constantly shouting at this inner child will take away your eagerness for life and you will stop your discipline out of boredom. So also allow your mind to do things that it loves to do to keep this child pampered and happy. 

But don't let this child play too much. Because that way you're losing stability. So gradually bring a little bit of discipline without being too harsh. This way you create a comfort zone, not a harsh discipline zone, but a comfort zone with enough discipline in it. 

So the key to stability is in creating balance between discipline and fun. 

The fact that you're not happy in your life tells me that somewhere you're lacking a bit of self love. You are being harsh to yourself. So your mind and body are resisting badly and it's backfiring. Love who you are and how you are 

Begin the practice of loving yourself gently everyday. This way your mind won't fight so hard against you. Let the future take care of itself. You can't take all the worries of life just yet. Let go of those thoughts. Those are intrusive thoughts creating anxiety in you. They need to be allowed to come and go. 

So as a summary here is what I can advice 

• Build the stability by taking great care of your body and mind 
• Do a ton of positive affirmations 
• Always be critical of your thoughts
• Don't indulge in thoughts about future because it's not so much in our hands 
• Don't have a perfectionist mindset. Allow yourself to make mistakes 
• Do meditation everyday at least 15 mins 
• Keep self discipline in slow consistent doses 
• Create balance between discipline and fun 
• Don't be too harsh on yourself 
• Practice self love everyday 
• Tame or block intrusive thoughts that appear in mind. 

 

Hope this helps. 

 

 

 

Edited October 13, 2020 by Preety_India

[mandyjw]

Write down the things you want in life, big and small and also make self care a priority. It's less about stability and more about being really inspired about where we're going, even though we aren't really sure how exactly it will unfold, we're so excited to be on the adventure that there's no where else we'd rather be. 

[Akemrelax]

9 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I guess now I'm looking for stability in discipline rather than ego

That’s still the ego though. You can’t escape ego through discipline, disciple is the continuation of ego. Ego is not a bad thing, it’s necessary. 

I can’t comment without knowing the specifics of your situation BUT I think you may need some basic self help advice. Like getting rid of addictions, getting good habits, not using social media, work-ethic, dealing with procrastination, etc. It may be a good idea to drop the big questions for a while and focus on getting your life together, life purpose and fulfilling basic survival needs. Maybe watching some older videos of Leo or reading self-help books. If you properly take care of survival now, you’re gonna have more time to do spirituality later on.

Currently for example. I am focusing on facing my fear of work and responsibility. I realized that I was avoiding work by pushing my responsibilities into my subconscious mind and using other activities as an escape. It caused a lot of anxiety in me. Now I am trying to feel deeper and undo my negative associations with hard work and effort.

 

[from chaos into self]

It’s okay to be unstable in life. If you’re going through a lot that’s making you unstable, that’s perfectly okay. Do your best to handle what demands come to you. With time, stability will return, and it takes the work of handling demands to get there. You want stability in your life, go for a walk every day. Or exercise at the gym. Or maybe talk with a loved one who’s there for you. Or start a meditation practice where you take time to mentally stabilize.

[from chaos into self]

What does stability mean to you? Ponder that question and you may find your answer on what to do about it.

[JosephKnecht]

To create a sense of stability you must make instability your friend. 

Only when you are comfortable with instability, you will have a sense of stability. 

All stability is temporary and thus an illusion. 

[okulele]

Stabilize in the body. There is a very distinct sense of stability when you actually drop down into the body as consciousness. By stabilizing in the body, you stabilize in matter. Consciousness finally finds its true anchor.

[ajai]

15 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I guess now I'm looking for stability in discipline rather than ego and that discipline is going to be centered around gentleness, consistency, and intentionality. 

Does that stability mean being Complacent ?

By the way, what is that ' I ' that want to become Disciplined all of a sudden ?

15 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I held on to this notion of "being smart" as a part of my ego because it gave me a sense of stability growing up

First of all, being smart does not mean to held on to something.

Second of all, to get sense of stability it's not necessary that the thing (being smart in this case) which worked for 10 years will work on n on to make you stable ? maybe the smartness needs an upgrade !!

15 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

dissolve the ego

What do you mean by "Ego" and dissolving it ?

15 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

As a result, I feel like I'm in a very unstable place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually

Neither the Result nor Feeling nor Unstability nor Mentally nor Emotionally nor Spiritually are any different from Spirituality all of these terms fall under term Spirituality and in practice too. So I object your use of "spiritually" as something different as per my comprehension ( I don't know how you'll interpret this...) ,

15 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

my ego is blinding me in someway

it will always blind, it will never stop blinding, this is our whole shtick with this work here " To become more Conscious of that blinding " and to don't go with the flow and act out unconsciously ( broadly speaking ).

Edited October 13, 2020 by ajai

[soos_mite_ah]

24 minutes ago, ajai said:

Does that stability mean being Complacent ?

No, to me stability is being able to grow in my own terms instead of being pushed into a situation. Think about choosing to go on a meditation retreat to grow vs. being isolated for 10 days for some reason outside of your control. 

25 minutes ago, ajai said:

By the way, what is that ' I ' that want to become Disciplined all of a sudden ?

I noticed that I need to integrate more orange into my life and because I don't have a sense of structure internally. I used to rely on my environment to give me a structure (such as my school telling me what classes I have and when I need to be somewhere etc) but now that I'm in the house all the time because of the pandemic, it's like I lost that sense of structure. 

28 minutes ago, ajai said:

First of all, being smart does not mean to held on to something.

Second of all, to get sense of stability it's not necessary that the thing (being smart in this case) which worked for 10 years will work on n on to make you stable ? maybe the smartness needs an upgrade !!

What do you mean by "Ego" and dissolving it ?

I mean growing up that's how I interpreted my "smart" label. It was a way for me to hold on to hope and predictability of the future. I agree, while it was useful for me growing up, it isn't something that is being super useful now. It has led me to procrastinate a ton. 

In regards to dissolving the ego, I have been doing shadow work for the last few months. One of the labels I'm trying to unpack is this label of being smart. Here is something I wrote about that recently in my journal for more context as to what I mean by unpacking this label: 

Quote

Smart = Safety 

I have been trying to shed the label of being the smart kid for the last few months. I have made some progress in that I no longer base my self worth on being smart. However, I do notice that this label hasn't disappeared yet. One of the key reasons why that is so is that the smart label shields me from uncertainty.  I was told that if I am smart and if I get good grades then I will be ok in life. That message was drilled into me in many ways and consequently I equated good grades to a stable and secure future. Here are some ways I associated good grades/ being smart with security and why they don't make sense. 

1. I didn't get beat up as a kid by my mom if I brought home good grades

That was horrible parenting on her part tbh. This type of conditioning is arbitrary not absolute. You aren't going to get beat up if you make a mistake in the real world. 

2. The sentiment of if I get good grades, I will get a good job, then I'll find a good husband, and I'll settle down and have a family. All of that is dependent on my schooling because it is the foundation. 

Getting good grades doesn't guarantee anything. There are people who did good in school and who don't have a good job. There are people who did badly in school and turned out ok. It isn't about good grades, rather it is about work ethic. Sure good grades can make some aspects of life easier but it isn't everything. You need to be on the look out for your next step regardless of where you have been. If you made bad grades and its time for you to get a job, you can't dwell on those grades. You need to use/ cultivate that work ethic towards the next step. Grades can be exemplary of work ethic but it isn't the only place where it is present. 

3. Being smart go rid of the uncertainty of the future. I'm smart therefore I will be ok.

The pandemic has hit everyone regardless of how smart they were. Being smart won't get rid of uncertainty. Sure it can help you cope but you will always deal with some type of problem. That isn't to say that it's time to get hopeless about the future but when we accept pain, we transcend it. 

4. Being smart helped me sort out my own mental issues by myself when I had no help 

It wasn't because you were smart. It was because you were motivated enough to search out sources that can help you. That information enabled you to make enough tools to deal with your current situation. It isn't that you were smart, it was a question of your determination and resourcefulness. 

5. Smart helped me evade self deception by cultivating awareness 

Smart can make you even more self deceived because the self deception is even more sophisticated. 

6. Smart means that I can solve my problems and get over it. The emotional piece of coping with problems were ignored in my childhood since my parents couldn't provide for me emotionally. 

Sometimes you can't outsmart your problems. Sometimes you need to be vulnerable and receptive to healing. Sometimes you need to accept that problems and insecurity are a part of life. Yes it will test you but that is ok because even in your most vulnerable, you're still strong enough to face them. If anything, you are stronger when you are vulnerable because you face the issue in question head on instead of trying to evade it with your smarts. 

 

33 minutes ago, ajai said:

Neither the Result nor Feeling nor Unstability nor Mentally nor Emotionally nor Spiritually are any different from Spirituality all of these terms fall under term Spirituality and in practice too. So I object your use of "spiritually" as something different as per my comprehension ( I don't know how you'll interpret this...) 

I guess I feel spiritually unstable because I'm not making as much progress towards expansion as I normally do. I feel like I'm regressing because of my current ego backlash. 

35 minutes ago, ajai said:

it will always blind, it will never stop blinding, this is our whole shtick with this work here " To become more Conscious of that blinding " and to don't go with the flow and act out unconsciously ( broadly speaking ).

Definitely agree. That's why I posed this question to see if anyone can call me out on my bs. If anyone can I would greatly appreciate it. 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah  do you feel that my tips are helpful to you? 

Because that way I will know I'm assessing your situation in the right direction. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

 

@Preety_India Yeah it did give me some insight. It is resonating with my current situation. Thank you so much 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah yes. I can see that you're going through a very strong ego backlash phase and it's very good to see that. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, JosephKnecht said:

To create a sense of stability you must make instability your friend. 

Only when you are comfortable with instability, you will have a sense of stability. 

All stability is temporary and thus an illusion. 

I have come across this concept numerous times. To me intellectually it makes sense but I have yet to emotionally integrate it. I'm not sure how to go about embodying it. 

[Preety_India]

 

@soos_mite_ah  

4 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I have come across this concept numerous times. To me intellectually it makes sense but I have yet to emotionally integrate it. I'm not sure how to go about embodying it. 

 

It means you should be ready to embrace and face all instabilities. There is no real stability but an illusion of the mind that we hang on to 

Stability is a mirage. Like all other illusions.. 

Edited October 13, 2020 by Preety_India

[ajai]

@soos_mite_ah I really liked how you explained "Smart=Safety" , very-good.

12 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I feel spiritually unstable because I'm not making as much progress towards expansion as I normally do. I feel like I'm regressing because of my current ego backlash. 

“two steps forward and one step back”

It is inevitable isn't it, it is so unavoidable it's bound to happen even if you are some Yogi or Spiritual Master but the only difference is they come ready and prepared for it it's also a part of Learning process and to be honest it's so amusing, just imagine if there's was no ego backlash there was no point I'd be able to integrate the change in my self indentity, it's like that one little step backwards to make a contrast between your old Self and the new Self or about to become Self. So, one facet of Ego is that it also acts as our own Guide, it is a very powerful tool, everytime we demands a change to our Self-Identity the conversation between us and Ego goes like this:

A: part of me demands change

Ego: No it's not good for your self-agenda, remember !!

A: I said I want change

Ego: No wayyy !!

A : Atleast I wanna try that change

Ego: Okay !! Let's try but we'll keep a check with our old self and will follow up accordingly.

A : Hell Yeah !! ( that should be the answer )

That's abstractly how the conversation goes in my opinion ,

And in that case it is so evident that you'll feel like a little unstable which is absolutely fantastic, infact I "fear" if we were never unstable and if there was no ego-backlash and we'd never improve ourselves and wouldn't even think about Development ever, and lives would be completely static and passive.

Part of being more Spiritually aware or More Conscious is to be Dynamic and accept the Unstability because that's how it works !!!

 

Read the article below: 

https://catherineauman.com/ego/

[Nivsch]

@soos_mite_ah Do you work?

Do you feel connected to your family and/or friends?