Does competition bring out your toxic side?

[Lyubov]

Whenever I really get into a competitive online game I find myself feeling toxic and sort of grumpy and angry and thinking my opponent is stupid. For instance I play a lot of chess online and am very competitive when doing so. I love this game so much and it is really fun but I find my mood becoming kinda angry. I really don't like losing when I make a silly mistake or something happens in the game when I feel I was bested out of my own lack of skills vs the opponent being genuinely better. I'll sometimes use this to justify my own mistakes instead of using it as a learning opportunity to better my play. Does anyone else here find themselves becoming a bit ragey when it comes to online games? How did you learn to love this aspect of yourself and integrate it in a healthy way?

[Preety_India]

 

Play RPG game Cyberpunk 2077..awesome 

Be done with those 2 player opponent games 

 

 

[FortisFortunaAdiuvat]

I experienced this for a long time in the past when I was grinding shooters every day. I wasn't conscious of what I was doing. Once I became aware of my behaviour, I was able to change. First, I turned into a good loser. I'd congratulate the other player(s) even if I didn't want to and over time I grew into that. if you win a game, you want the other person to be kind and respectful. I became what I wanted my opponent to be.

In my case, shooters have so much potential to make you rage. There is campers, lag, bad teammates, strong opponents, bad spawns, toxic community etc. I just make the best out of the situation I am currently in. You have to allow yourself to lose and make mistakes. Only winning wouldn't make you grow as much as losing. I still struggle to get over a stupid mistake sometimes because I know I could have done better. But games are so fast-paced, you have to let go. When something happens over and over again you will learn to not make that mistake.

[Arcangelo]

That's called Tilt in poker lingo. Take a break a long one. If you don't, you will end up absolutely hating that game of skill that you love.

[Brittany]

You can not BECOME anything. 

I think this is the biggest trick of the ego. The idea that you can BECOME something.

When you are playing the game and lose, you think you are BECOMING bad.

And when you play the game and win, you think you are BECOMING good.

You, the container, never change. Only the contents (thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc.) inside the container change.

Your essence, as awareness, never BECOMES anything.  "Good thoughts/emotions" and "Bad thoughts/emotions" pass through you but you never BECOME then.

When this makes sense to you, then you can compete in a friendly manner.

[fridjonk]

I find it awesome to compete against only myself. 

It feels way different than projecting it outward toward "an other". 

[Carl-Richard]

I can't take competition seriously anymore. It's just play. I still smash the table when I lose in Fall Guys though.

Edited October 13, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[fridjonk]

9 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

I still smash the table when I lose in Fall Guys though.

Can imagine how frustrating that game is. ?

[ajai]

Does competition bring out your toxic side?

Yes, offcourse.

Why n how ? While playing most games either online or offline (outdoor) decision making is instantaneous hence there is less time to ponder about some action or decision, it's like either you do it or you loose in split seconds hence comes the role of instincts come into play.

Now, instincts are driven by subconscious mind which is programmed after years of doing things and going through variety of situations ( in general ) , although it can be re-programmed and hence our instincts can become more rational while taking a particular decision after consistent working more consciously.

On 13/10/2020 at 4:46 AM, Lyubov said:

I'll sometimes use this to justify my own mistakes instead of using it as a learning opportunity to better my play.

That's the toxic part rt , so it's alright to be a little toxic for sometime but if you want to remove this toxicity, the job is to determine what the toxicity is and work on removing it, toxicity which in your case you have already figured out I reckon.

On 13/10/2020 at 4:46 AM, Lyubov said:

Does anyone else here find themselves becoming a bit ragey when it comes to online games?

Yes , personally I don't fancy playing online games but I play Basketball which is quite an intense sport both physically and mentally , so yes I used to become "ragey" unnecessarily during my primitive years when I was immature and less educated game-wise but I have noticed with more game IQ and work on my weaknesses I was able to transcend that childish behaviour.

On 13/10/2020 at 4:46 AM, Lyubov said:

How did you learn to love this aspect of yourself and integrate it in a healthy way?

You don't have to settle or caress this behaviour not at all , see if there's room for improvement and development and work accordingly you'll definitely see the difference.

[hyruga]

That's why it is dangerous to step into the octagon. You may be the friendly guy who wants to win by skills but your opponent is out to kill.

[Byun Sean]

I used to get really bad anger playing video games too.

I would get super mad when my opponents would beat me with a strategy that I thought was stupid and should never work. Sometimes they would even rub it in my face too by being bm and rude in various ways. 

One thing that helped me a lot is distancing myself from my skills in the game.

If I identified myself with my skills or think of myself as some "amazing player" or lets say I identify with my current ranking, then I need to defend that at all costs and I'll get super mad if I lose.

But if I think of it like: I am not the game or my skills. The only thing that matters is what consequence I make happen on the screen right now. If  what I do works it works, if it doesn't its not a statement that I am dumb; but simply that the way I played doesn't work. Doing this was huge for me because it made me think of every win or loss as a statement about how the game works as a system rather than a statement about me as a player or my opponent.

"I will try my best to bring the most solid play I can to win. If I don't win. The way I played needs to change If I want to win next time. I as a player am already perfect whether I win or not. I just play for fun. If it's not fun, I don't need to play right now."

It also helped me a lot to pause between games and let myself just sit with my anger after the game. Like sometimes I would just let myself vent to myself. "Ah man I'm so dumb I lost to that. How could I lose to such a stupid player. That strategy would never work 90 percent of the time. He's so dumb. AAAAAHHHGGGG." And just let yourself vent like that and feel all of it until you got it out of your system. 

And then usually after I did that I would come back to my senses and be like "ok the way I played doesn't work, lets see if I can figure out what I can do better next time."

Edited October 14, 2020 by Byun Sean

[lmfao]

@Lyubov Nah I'm exactly the same bro. I don't play multiplayer games as much online anymore but whenever I did I easily got salty (not salty from regular shooters, just salty in games I felt mastery and competence in) 

I used to play super smash bros a lot competitively and that would get me salty. I would throw my controller hard on the mattress or sofa. Gears of War also got me salty. 

I never played chess much, but that game did make me a bit of a sore loser. 

 

Not sure quite why. Superimposing ideals on my experience that become the condition for happiness. 

Edited October 14, 2020 by lmfao

[TripleFly]

Hmm.. that's interesting. So it sounds like you have discovered new sides to yourself.

Surrender. Find peace with your competitive ego and other people's.

If you fight against yourself you will suffer greatly.

Least resistance. Least resistance. Least resistance. 

There's always a way