Having to change my personality to get basic needs met

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India They do. So fake it till you make and force yourself to change your personality for them? It would work i guess

[Gesundheit]

12 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@ColeMC01 ahh, but you need to do it to attract women 

Women like fun games. 

I would say that's stereotyping. And I wouldn't recommend changing your authentic personality to attract other people because then you will attract people who aren't compatible with you.

@ColeMC01 100 women over 2 years is not a big number. People at pick-up do a 100 approaches per week, and their lay counts aren't that impressive. How do you expect that number to work? Unless you get lucky, I don't see it coming.

[ColeMC01]

@Gesundheit NONE of my friends do more and they get girls liking them by just acting normal. PUA shit is done by 2 percent of population of males. How do the 98 percent other still get stuff done .

[Gesundheit]

6 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Gesundheit NONE of my friends do more and they get girls liking them by just acting normal.

What do your friends have/do which you lack? (or maybe they lack and you don't). It could be the case that you have a rare personality that doesn't attract a lot of people. 

6 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Gesundheit PUA shit is done by 2 percent of population of males. How do the 98 percent other still get stuff done .

Social connections. They ramp up your chances by a two figures factor. I was guessing you were doing pick-up at that rate.

[ColeMC01]

@Gesundheit The 100 girls came from univeristy, friend of friend, organisations etc. 

My friends look better than me, they are less kind and more jerks with girls. 

[Gesundheit]

2 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Gesundheit The 100 girls came from univeristy, friend of friend, organisations etc. 

Yeah sorry, but that does not necessarily mean you will have similar chances as your friends. You'd have to double, maybe triple up the number.

There are many things you can do at university that can ramp up your chances. Having a certain gig unique for yourself is one example. Joining a band or a volunteer group or a club of any kind is another one. Anything that makes you special, that makes you stand out against other competitors. Anything that not many of your peers have, can work.  A lot of women are attracted to shiny objects lol. Be one.

8 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Gesundheit 

My friends look better than me, they are less kind and more jerks with girls. 

Looks aren't really that important if you take a good care of yourself. However, fashion, hygiene, perfume, etc... are important and may be costing you points.

Not all women are attracted to "jerks". But the more feminine a girl is, the more she is attracted to higher masculinity. So keep that in mind.

[ColeMC01]

@Gesundheit I take care of myself, i wear good clothes, i lift regularly ; good haircut hygiene etc. It is not a problem about that, its just set in stone looks that could be better like face and height (im kinda short)  but tbh i think its a behavior problem not a looks problem. I am part of a big student organisation also, due to covid its harder now since most of the stuff is done online, not in person. 

[Preety_India]

 

3 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

I would say that's stereotyping. And I wouldn't recommend changing your authentic personality to attract other people because then you will attract people who aren't compatible with you.

@ColeMC01 100 women over 2 years is not a big number. People at pick-up do a 100 approaches per week, and their lay counts aren't that impressive. How do you expect that number to work? Unless you get lucky, I don't see it coming.

There's no stereotyping there. Most women like it that way. This is female nature. And who says that it means you're changing your personality? 

You're simply upgrading your database. Nobody is saying that he has to be flirty all the time. We have to learn the tricks of a trade. You get a new job then you learn a few new things about it. That only adds to your personality and makes it richer, it does not change who you are.. 

He has to learn certain strategies. The problem with you @ColeMC01 is that you have this limiting belief that somehow you are changing something about you meanwhile you're only learning how to interact with a woman to impress her or get her attention and a little practice goes a long way.

If someone told me that I need to smile while being with a man to make him feel more comfortable, I'd do it in a heartbeat, and no that does not mean that I'm changing my personality in any way, it only means I'm becoming more matured and learning more. 

Thanks

 I can only help so much. I tried my best to convince the OP to change his mindset. 

I'm not replying anymore. 

[Globalcollective]

15 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

So i want your guys help about this. I have a bit of a toxic mindset and victim mentality which i would like to fix. I am a decent looking (not good though), fairly intelligent, very logical, analytical, a bit shy (not a lot), kind, caring, not flirty, a bit serious but sarcastic sometimes, good listener, able to effortlessly put myself in other shoes, mature, good at creating rapport and comfort, not very bold or daring, very humble, honest, trustworthy, not edgy, not physical, good eye contact. So these are my traits in a nutshell according to most of society ( i am 22 btw). So these traits dont work like this to get a girl and therefore i am forced to change them. I feel like having to change my personality is a very difficult, cruel and unnecessary thing to do since i never had a problem making good friends or getting my way in life with these traits. It is simply for the purpose of getting my basic needs met, which are the need for sex and romantic love. What would be a good mindset for me to be okay with changing my personality for the sole purpose of getting these needs met. I have tried but made little progress, it is very very difficult and requires years of intense work. It feels almost like i am handicapped and have to extra struggle for this. I would really appreciate a more healthy way to re frame this in my mind. And please, the "dont be a bitch",  "others have it worse" things dont work, i have tried these phrases but could not get any benefit from them. I know solving it is by interacting with more girls, but how do i re frame it in a way that it does not seem like heavy work and punishment. I honestly do not see any other benefit in my life by changing my personality other than having these basic needs met. I am very happy with everything else. 

One thing I will say is that learning how to relate to women and putting yourself out there can be one of the most fun parts of your life, yes it dose involve a lot of rejection that can hurt but once you get past that it start becoming very fun. Once its sorted you realise getting your needs met so to speak is really just about realising that there is a high level of fulfilment we are all looking for and once you see through it you can never have the same joy from it again so enjoy while it lasts. 

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Appreciate all your help

[Preety_India]

@ColeMC01  you're welcome 

 

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective I have no problem talking to girls or even teasing them and trolling/being playful. It is just that i am a bit more serious and not very sexual. 

[Byun Sean]

Dating is a reproductive value negotiation table.

If you want to increase your chances with high quality women you need to first increase your value as a guy.

Just like guys want to date the hottest feminine women, women want to date the most masculine guy they can find.

Ways to increase your value as a guy:

-Work on your personality. This is huge. Women are attracted magnets to hot personalities. Mainly loving yourself more. attractive qualities like confidence and humor are a natural expression of when one loves themselves enough to let their true self show. 

-Working on looks is good, but it's not nearly as important for attracting women as personality. Develop a solid sense of style and look that you feel yourself and confident in but don't obsess over it too much. 

-and lastly women are attracted to:

-fame, status, and money since these also increase your value.

 

Personality I've found is the easiest and most effective way to increase your value as a guy.

ways to work on your personality:

-meditation/ spiritual practice

-practicing approaching women while consciously practicing techniques in books/ online and stuff. Being more authentic.

-build a social circle. Socialize more. Meet new people. talk to women more in general, even ones you aren't attracted to.

-read books on dating and attraction

-eat healthier

-work out at the gym

 

 

[electroBeam]

Lol literally thestarguitarist14 gave you the holy grail of an answer that you need. And that answer was the only answer that was ignored in this thread. That answer was far more effective then the rest, because its the foundation thats needed for the rest to flourish. To learn seduction, you first need to feel the right energy of seduction, so that you can sync and really feel the seduction content and learn it and embody it. Everything will just fall into place if you do that EFT tapping 4 or 5 times a day.

The real problem here, isn't that you're not getting women, its that you feel bad and desperate by the fact that you can't get women. You've got low self esteem and the suffering is coming from there. I bet you if there were 2 scenarios, where magically tomorrow you got heaps of women but still had all your self esteem issues, and scenario 2 where you were put on an island somewhere with no women, yet all of your self esteem issues were gone and you felt vibrant, great, blissful, estatic about yourself and your body, but no women, you'd pick scenario 2. And to solve that problem, go and EFT tap for gods sake.

Your suffering has nothing to do with women. What you want has nothing to do with women. You're confused. You don't know what you want. You don't want women, you want to change the way you look at yourself bro. You hate the way you are right now bro. You want to change the way you look at yourself bro. Placing so much emphasis on women is just diluting and confusing the problem bro. Go tackle the real problem. Then women will naturally come after that. 

Its amazing how we act like we need a lot of help and our lives are so hard, yet when the perfect answer comes, we aren't willing to take on that advice, we just ignore it. 

Edited October 13, 2020 by electroBeam

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam  how does eft help with seduction? 

 

[electroBeam]

@Preety_India in school, there are 2 types of kids, the ones who memorise the maths formulas and dates of figures in their history class. The others were the ones who were genuinely passionate about their classes, and were genuinely curious about how the maths formulas worked, or what it was really like to be that figure in history, and why the date was so significant.

Yeah the memorisers managed to get good grades eventually through all that discipline. But heck they had a shit time. And studied a hell of a lot of hours. Meanwhile the passionate ones didn't even know they were studying. 

And the memorisers got a good enough job to survive, but every day they had to battle a slew of motivation issues, they had common sense issues because their level of depth of subjects is just memory, not a deep understanding. Meanwhile the passionate ones(had other issues) but always were motivated to learn more, and had a great time at work. And had great common sense and knew their subject with conviction. 

The poster doesn't feel good about learning pickup techniques. It doesn't gel with his personality type. It feels forced. He's just like the memorisers at school, not feeling right in their body, but doing it anyway. That's not really the right angle to go about pickup. You should really feel aligned with it, it should feel natural to you. You need to feel morally ok with it, you need to feel physically ok with it. You need to feel like its right. Just doing pickup to get girls without it feeling right is a quick way to end up in disaster. And yeah like the memorisers you'll get somewhere, but it will be a horrible road to getting there, and you wont get the fulfillment or results you truly want. 

And so to make those techniques resonate with you, align with your morality, sense of self, who you want to be, you first need to start with the foundation which is how you feel. You need to feel in your bones that seduction energy. You need to feel in your bones that you're attractive. The feeling of the word 'attraction' needs to spark you. Before the talk, posture, body movements, eye contact, etc. You need to feel it first. Then once you feel it, you can then allow that feeling to manifest into the specific techniques. You'll go through pickup courses feeling and deeply knowing the technique, putting your own spin on it, because you're not memorising it, you're deeply feeling it.

And once you feel it, for the first week you'll be so happy that you wont be desperate for women and probably will just chill because for the first time you've just realized that happiness comes from within.

The poster wrote that pickup techniques doesn't gel with his personality. That's not true. He doesn't feel attractive or seductive in his bones, and that's why the pickup techniques aren't aligning with his mind and body. Its like when a 'realist' or pessimist says that they just can't be positive because its not 'them'. Yeah take some shrooms, feel positive, and then we'll see if its still who you are.

And that's the poster's problem. He doesn't feel the right shit. If he did he would learn pickup without issue. His problem is with learning pickup. He doesn't want to. That's why he doesn't want to, because he aint feeling right.

And that EFT Tapping is the perfect way to start feeling. EFT tapping is an amazing resource for feeling and energy release. For me its more powerful then kriya yoga. And wow there's one for attraction, epic!

 

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam Gotcha! 

 

[ColeMC01]

@modmyth  I want to be loved, to be desired. I was raised in a house with a lot of love given to me and due to studying abroad alone , i tend to crave that. I crave physical contact a lot. I have friends ofc but they do not satisfy that need.

[ColeMC01]

@electroBeam I ignored women for 21 years because i was not interested so i have been on both world. I didnt get shit even when i was not really caring about them. The issue is deeper than my desire for them in terms of getting them

[ColeMC01]

@Byun Sean I just want a decent looking, kind, caring girl that is somewhat smart. I am smart, decent looking, kind, caring and somewhat playful(when i want) and i take care of myself properly so am i asking for too much? I dont want a super hot girl or anything like that, just something DECENT. I feel like i am a decent guy from what i wrote in my first post, maybe not the ideal one but i am not looking for ideal girl either