Is it possible to change your personality from shy to outgoing and confident?

[Kay100]

I think I remember watching one of Leo's videos where he said something about he use to be shy in the past and was not treated nicely when he goes out because of his shyness. Because he didn't seem confident so he often don't get a very good service when he's out eating or shopping etc. But that's all I can remember from that video right now. So obviously he has changed from being shy to confident and outspoken now. So it is possible for anyone to change their personality for the better?

There are so many shy and timid people wishing there are some ways for them to change to a strong and confident person right? If there are ways for that would be so great!

As from my own experience, I have had different types of personality fluctuate during different times. I actually have had mental illness for many years. Mostly was being paranoia about people around me. My condition were also mixed with depressed episodes. There also were a period where somehow my personality just switched to extremely outgoing. I think it lasted a few month or maybe even more than half year. During that period, I was always full of energy, really outgoing, enjoy talking to people. I often felt like so many thoughts and ideas coming to my mind all the time, and I often start talking when the other person haven't finished their sentence yet. I was also really physical active as well. I would go out and run wild and just enjoy all kinds of extreme physical movement.

But that only lasted less than a year. I remember after that I had experience depressed episodes. And later I had period that I was very shy and timid. Like if I'm in a group discussion I would find it so hard to have the courage to speak out any of my thoughts. It's like totally opposite from the extreme outgoing period. And physical exercise are like torture and I have no interest in them at all.

So according to my experience, personality is able to change all the time. I think chemicals in the brain and hormones' must be some of the causes. Hormones like testosterone, serotonin, dopamine etc. Those will obviously effect personality. I don't know if I have missed any...

And other than that, extreme traumas might change someone's personality dramatically.

There are lots of talks about brain plasticity nowadays, so if brain is able to keep growing and changing, so can personality evolve and change?

I have also read about the "Power Pose" that can help people feeling more confident.

After experiencing my own extreme changes between opposite types of personalities, I have always wondered what are all the components that affect a person's personality? I have been following all types of information about the brain and psychology but I haven't found much resource that especially talk about how brain chemicals and hormones affect personality.

What I want to know the most is the different methods that can help change a shy timid person to a confident and outspoken one. If can find out ways to change that would be so great.

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Kay100 said:

What I want to know the most is the different methods that can help change a shy timid person to a confident and outspoken one. If can find out ways to change that would be so great.

I wouldn't worry so much about becoming confident or less shy. Everyone is going to have a natural disposition in that area. The problems come when we deviate from what is natural.

So I think what you're really asking is: how can I be myself without holding back?

For that, the answer is simply all the spiritual work that Leo talks about. That's how you transform your fears.

If your shyness is rooted in fear, then yes you may become more outgoing. But the opposite is also true. It all depends on you.

 

[kag101]

7 hours ago, Kay100 said:

There are so many shy and timid people wishing there are some ways for them to change to a strong and confident person right? If there are ways for that would be so great!

Stop trying to be confident; focus on being natural instead! 

We live in an extroverted-normative society. Whoever doesn't fit in the "alpha" guy is considered of less value. 

If you try to be "alpha", you might end up looking like this:

 

In other words, cringey af. 

 

For many years, I tried to emulate how my sister is (she's really outgoing and extroverted). It was hell, because I had to force myself way too much and I was inauthentic. 

I recommend a book called "Quiet - Susan Cain".

 

7 hours ago, Kay100 said:

There also were a period where somehow my personality just switched to extremely outgoing. I think it lasted a few month or maybe even more than half year. During that period, I was always full of energy, really outgoing, enjoy talking to people. I often felt like so many thoughts and ideas coming to my mind all the time, and I often start talking when the other person haven't finished their sentence yet. I was also really physical active as well. I would go out and run wild and just enjoy all kinds of extreme physical movement.

This sounds like a (hypo)maniac episode. 

I would also recommend you go to a psychiatrist to treat your mental illness. 

I had never thought about that earlier, but in my case my social phobia was caused by my untreated depression. 

As soon as my doctor found the right medication for me, social anxiety simply vanished. 

Nowadays I do get insecure at times, but it's manageable. 

[Leo Gura]

It depends on how you define "personality".

If you define shyness and insecurity and inexperience as part of your personality, then yes, you can change that.

But there will always be an deeper, more fundamental personality which you cannot change. But that personality is not inherently shy.

Don't worry about these philosophical issues. Simply go get massive experience socializing and that will fix many of your problems until your question melts away.

I used to be extremely shy and socially insecure, to the point of not being able to have a conversation with a taxi driver or hair stylist or grocery store clerk.

[JosephKnecht]

And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” -  Mark 9:23
 

[Rilles]

You can change but it takes alot of work. Ive done tons of therapy, questioning of false beliefs and even shadow work. Im atleast 20% more outgoing than before, like 5 years ago, but this is something I will work on my entire life. You have to want it so bad! Im so tired of being my "old" ego that it feels like old snakeskin that doesnt fit me anymore.  

Edited October 11, 2020 by Rilles

[Kay100]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't worry about these philosophical issues. Simply go get massive experience socializing and that will fix many of your problems until your question melts away.

Yes I have tried that but it end up like kind of downward spiral for me. I’m already insecure, the way I present myself is not confident and quite awkward. And that’s why when I try to make conversation with people l, they are not interested in talking to me. Usually after a little while they will make excuses to walk away. This kind of negative feedback will just add to my insecurity. Now I feel even less confident than before. 

I can force myself to keep going to social situations, but chances are I will get same type of negative feedback. How would that help me to improve? Seem like reinforcing the reason why I feel insecure about myself...

[Vittorio]

Being shy or being confident are just believes. 

Yes, you can work on yourself and change from being shy to being outgoing and confident.

I did that personally as many other did. 

Don't add fuel to the fire by citing all the reasons why you are stuck and I direct lyrische building a story where you are a mess. 

Focus on active detachment through daily meditation (min 20 minutes), journaling and spiritual practice (watch last two Leo's videos) and start gradually taking action and to enlarge your comfort zone. 

[Kay100]

@kag101 yes at the time I haven't started any treatment for my mental illness. Eventually I did get proper treatment and I'm all normal now.

But apart from the mental illness factor, for people in general, those that have higher testosterone are more confident and outgoing. And sometimes it could just come down to the need for certain important nutrient. Like the body need Zinc to form testosterone. So if you get sufficient Zinc from the diet then your body will produce more testosterone and then you might just feel better about yourself and have more confidence and motivation etc.

Basically what most psychiatric medications do is to add synthetic hormones that you might be lacking like serotonin, dopamine etc. But when you add those hormones from outside sources the body will stop producing it's own hormones naturally. I have listened to some health talks and what I understand is that, when the body produce all types of hormones naturally, it will regulate all the hormones and adjusting them all the time to keep the best balance. But if you get synthetic hormones from outside sources, the body will stop producing the natural hormones. And if the intake of synthetic hormone gets too much, things will go out of balance and all kind of problems will occur. 

So I think it's better to find ways to balance your hormones naturally and put psychiatric medications as the last resort.

[PurpleTree]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Simply go get massive experience socializing and that will fix many of your problems until your question melts away.

 

Yah covid made that even more difficult 

[Rilles]

9 hours ago, Kay100 said:

Yes I have tried that but it end up like kind of downward spiral for me. I’m already insecure, the way I present myself is not confident and quite awkward. And that’s why when I try to make conversation with people l, they are not interested in talking to me. Usually after a little while they will make excuses to walk away. This kind of negative feedback will just add to my insecurity. Now I feel even less confident than before. 

2 limiting beliefs there, you have to question those hard!!! those are what you makes you shy! 

Quote

I can force myself to keep going to social situations, but chances are I will get same type of negative feedback. How would that help me to improve? Seem like reinforcing the reason why I feel insecure about myself...

Do you see how pessismistic you sound? How are you supposed to be confident and outgoing when you have these kinds of thoughts in your head. 

 

You dont need any extra hormones. You need to completely rewire your thought patterns. 

Edited October 12, 2020 by Rilles

[TripleFly]

When you go

"Oh, it's just my personality, it's not actually who I am"

"Actually who I am is much bigger than my personality, and it contains my personality out of compassion"

[Kay100]

 

17 hours ago, Rilles said:

2 limiting beliefs there, you have to question those hard!!! those are what you makes you shy! 

Those are not my 'beliefs'. Those are what I actually experienced many times in social situations. Those are Not what I made up in my mind what might happen before I even go try to do it. It's what already happened many times in real life.

"I'm not confident and seem awkward" is not my 'belief', it's how I am currently, and I don't believe I'm going to be like that forever, that's why I'm trying to figure out ways to change it.

Right now I'm just not seeing how keep exposing myself in social situations would help me improve. I have already tried so many times, and people keep giving me those negative feedbacks. Actually it's understandable. If your body language and the way you talk don't show much confidence, it's natural for people to feel that you are not interesting and don't really want to talk to you much. I can keep telling myself to not care too much about people's response to me. But I just don't see how keep going to social gatherings and keep getting negative feedback would help me to improve on anything?

[susanyzm]

For me, I used to be very shy and nervous around strangers. Then I put up a fake confidence but my mind was always wondering how other people perceived me. It caused me so much pain because the more confident I was trying to be, the more my low self-esteem was making fun of me.

Now, after a long time of deliberately lonesome time, contemplation, reading, journaling of observation of myself, and also a lot Leo's videos, I feel that my personality is like water, which morphs with whatever my purpose requires it to be. 

It doesn't matter whether "I" am shy or not shy, confident or not confident, capable or not capable. With the eyes set on the end goal, my actions and even personality flows naturally. 

For practical experience, I started my own discussion group on self-love. Being a leader in a group, however small it is, naturally grows my skills in talking to strangers, handling different opinions, sharing in-depth opinions and feelings, compassion, etc. It's a byproduct of my path of self-realization.

If I give myself the task of "developing social skills", I'd probably end up entangled much more deeply in the imposter syndrome.

So, you can make it a deliberate practice to overcome shyness, or drop the idea and simply focus on your life purpose. Many shy people are extremely confident and commanding when it comes to their field of profession. Just try it out to see how you feel. Good luck!