I'm reading a lot of the recent threads in the dating section that speak about focusing more on spiritual growth and building the self in terms of confidence and self love and acceptance.  I'm beginning to understand the value of such a mindset.. I do understand that we have biological needs of love and affection. But I'm trying to negotiate with myself what is best for me. The thing is I have been in relationships where I felt like I was just giving giving giving and not taking anything. The relationship was only because the man wanted something from me and he would be with me for sex, love and affection. But i never really received much in return. Now I felt selfish if I asked anything.. This makes me feel like my own lack caused me to ask(not that there is any problem with asking or wanting love) but what's the point of being in relationships where I did not feel fulfilled emotionally. So maybe I should not expect so much out of the dating world.  The other thought running in my mind, maybe this is a selfish thought, is how much time I'm wasting in relationships and not investing that time in spirituality and consciousness work. I don't want to throw away my life expecting some fantasy prince riding on a horse giving me love. I think it's time for me to realize that seeking something that you're not getting isn't the wisest move. So yesterday I decided that I'm not going to invest so much into relationships. And not dream too much. And instead focus on spiritual growth and self-love. You know "filling my cup" as they say. Because I guess when you come from a deprived perspective you tend to hunt for love and get desperate and end up with people who create this illusion that they are going to give you something meanwhile they are the parasite and in the end you feel taken advantage of. Also you become selfish because you hold on to that dysfunction in the expectation of a return, something you never get meanwhile that person is happy leeching you off resource-wise and emotionally. This becomes a toxic cycle because you keep looking for love and give in immediately to whoever is the dangling the fake carrot for you.  Maybe focusing on self love and spiritual growth like many of the users suggest here, will heal the deprivation and not make me selfish and not make me be with someone who is only using me for their needs of sex and affection and giving me fake affection in return. They like to be with me but I don't like to be with them because I feel used physically and emotionally.  Now the question arises about biological need of love and affection. Of course I'm not denying that such needs exist. But I think they can be transcended to some extent by practicing detachment. I'm not saying repressing such needs because I don't believe in repression. This is like balancing a knife on its point. You keep it balanced between transcendence and satisfaction. So you transcend it as long as you can, but be open  to receiving it when you get such an opportunity. I don't want to be completely closed off to dating in the future, I still want to be hopeful of a fulfilling love. But I also don't want this deprived feeling. So maybe in the time being I can transcend my needs and not feel so deprived. With self love.  Does it look wise? Or am I bullshitting myself and this is never possible?