Working on Social Anxiety

[Sandeep Reddy]

I am a 19 years old guy from third world country(India). Many people here aren't at least aware of terms such as trauma, anxiety, fear properly. They are totally ignorant of these aspects in humans. It's not that they are not ready. They can easily understand these topics but they choose not to. Main reason being, ignorance of mental health.

 

I was brought up by emotionally abusive parents. My father physically hurted me with belt and other things he found at that moment of anger. I honestly thought I did something very wrong and I shouldn't exist in home. I tried running out of house and got many suiciadal thoughts. I can't survive out without my parents support. At the same time, they provide me everything. Whatever I ask, they me buy me that. It's quite confusing to me even now. He hits me, he abuses me but at the same time come to me saying I just did it for you, for betterment of you.

Well, everything fired back. I didn't grow to be a strong person as aimed by my parents. Instead, I became psychologically weak person who has social anxiety and a mild pure OCD. Being in third world country, I can't go out for therapy and can't even put in money for therapy.

I am not going to accept my fate of getting born in an abusive family. I am sure that this is the condition of many families in India. I got aware of these dynamics but many people are not. They are not able to trace back to where this all started. They blame their brain chemistry or people around them for problems that their own chemistry is causing.

I also got bullied by other people of my age in childhood. I was isolated and separated from social circles saying I was weird and I honestly felt like there is something wrong with me.

 

There are many such incidents and I would write a book instead of listing them here.

 

Self-help videos and books brought me out of this shit I am going through. But, the trauma is still affecting me. I could literally feel it running in my body and thoughts when I encounter such situation again.

At the same time, I see myself spiritually deep. I have good spiritual understanding. But, it isn't going to repair that trauma.

I am not going to accept my fate of social anxiety and intrusive thoughts. At this moment, I am promising that I would work hard on it. I know it is affecting my life to max. It is interfering with everything I am trying to do.

 

I am going to start work on my social anxiety from this day and I am going to list the process here. I want to totally solve social anxiety. I know I can't completely eradicate it but I want to get a 90% improvement! which I believe is possible.

 

*sorry for my bad english