Why do some people have better luck in love than others?

[somegirl]

You probably know someone like this. They have no problem finding someone they love, who also loves them back. They met spontaniously in the right place at the right time and everything clicks for them. I mean, when you think about it, there are many variables at play; both parties have to be ready (and not emotionally damaged at that time), they have to be available, they have to attract each other physically, they have to click emotionally and intellectually (to have similar views on life), they have to come from a healthy family, and they have to be in the right place at the right time. When you think about it like this, those people who have luck in love, are actually crazy lucky for having it all work for them.

And there are other people who simply cannot find someone they like.

I guess the real question I'm really asking is - is it really only luck that is going on here? 

Since we are creators of our own lives (God), and we create situations and attract people to our lives (most of us do it unconsciously), does it mean that we are the problem that this is happening to us? That it is our fault for not being in the right place at the right time? And if so, how to fix this?
 

[ajai]

16 minutes ago, somegirl said:

is it really only luck that is going on here? 

Don't really know but if it has to be only luck in play,

I would rather call that couple utopic lovey dovey romantic love birds, 

[Arcangelo]

KARMA

[somegirl]

3 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

KARMA

Sure...

[Toby]

I guess it's about attachment styles. If you have a secure or earned secure attachment style it's way easier to relate to people in general.

[Martin123]

@somegirl I think there's a little oversimplified but overall true quote 'We accept the love we think we deserve.'

Since your earliest upbringing, you've been primed with gallons of either positive reinforcement, or trauma, what a loving relationship is, and because your subconscious mind requires and needs to seek equilibrium, it recreates those experiences that it is familiar with.

 

[bejapuskas]

@somegirl  It might have been luck if there were only a few people on this planet but there are more than 7 billion. Even though some people click better than others, you can also work on yourself.

[Thestarguitarist14]

It’s how your were raised.  If you were raised in a home where all your needs were met, your parents had a good marriage, they showed love to you, and did not abandon you, you will probably have “good luck” in love.

 

But what if your daddy touched you inappropriately?  What if your parents were always late when picking you up?  You will probably become a love addict.  What if you were abandoned my your parents?  What if they never showed love?  You will probably become a love avoidant.

So the “luck” that you have in love was created.  Created by childhood trauma which leads to feelings of lack, unworthiness and not being enough.  You can re create it yourself.

Edited October 8, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[Username]

I had relatively very good upbringing. It didn't help me because I have awful personality 

I feel lucky that I'm not "lucky". Being able to enter relationships easily is very dangerous thing. You can marry too early and choose wrong person. Than everything becomes extremly complicated.

[Recursoinominado]

Not lucky, experience + right beliefs + highly conscious = good relationships.

Most people aren't conscious enough even to choose the right partner, they let their neediness speak louder than all the red flags and are surprised when things go south. 

See this topic for instance:

People are actually defending dating women that are highly dysfunctional, they are simply blind to all the red flags. It is like women dating drug dealers, criminals or stage red/blue guys and acts surprised when they turned out to be a bad choice.

 

[Leo Gura]

Most struggle a lot with love.

[Preety_India]

Some are tired of the assault on the souls. 

 

 

 

P. S

 

@Martin123 that's a very beautiful picture. 

 

Sometimes I feel like it's a huge waste of time looking for love. And then getting hurt. 

In that time, I can do some spirituality and consciousness work. 

That at least is more fulfilling than the drama of relationships. 

 

Edited October 8, 2020 by Preety_India

[shallotsometimes]

It could be a Law of Attraction thing. Whatever subconscious beliefs you have will show up in your external world. For example if deep deep down you feel undeserving of a partner who loves you and treats you well, they won't show up. Or you will attract the "wrong" partner that reflects childhood wounds.

Like being in an abusive relationship seems impossible and unacceptable to me, but women who were abused as children may feel like that's what they subconsciously deserve. It's familiar to them. So if they are unaware of that wounding, they may attract or be attracted to abusive/manipulative men.  

In my life, I lowkey feel invisible/not good enough for the men I'm actually interested in and wind up acting in ways that reinforce that. I had a pretty happy upbringing on the surface but there was trauma early on that made me feel invisible and like I didn't matter. Sometimes it's seemingly small things that stay stuck with us. As children we're just emotional sponges.

Meanwhile, I have friends who start dating the first Tinder guy they go on a date with. They could be settling or be genuinely happy, I wouldn't know. But they seem to be happy, even if their relationships aren't 100% perfect.

So maybe you have to be completely ready to receive a life partner by fully accepting yourself, flaws and all. Then it will reflect in your outer world and you'll find someone else who accepts you fully. It works with the idea that we create our own realities.

[ajai]

@Arcangelo @Thestarguitarist14 @shallotsometimes So can we say then that luck is not something bestowed on you, you create it?

Be it relationships or any other domain of life.

@somegirl What is your idea of "luck" tho, how do you define it?

[Thestarguitarist14]

@ajai Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.  When you say “I have bad luck” you really just did not take advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself.  And there can be many reasons why in regards to love.  Self sabotage is the most common one.

[universe]

No it's not only luck. If you decide to stay in your house all the time, would this lower your chance of finding a partner?

You gotta be a little bit proactive.

Do you know girls who after they had a break up, will jump directly into a new relationship? This is not luck. Not all but many of these girls really think they need a relationship. So they will find one asap. Now, if that is a healthy way to go about is another question.

 

Yes, going to the right places is a good start. I'd suggest you join a club or community of your interests. That way you will meet people who you already have something in common with. Or you could try getting serious with online dating.

Then it's just a matter of time and compatibility. If you are really open about finding someone and willing to go through the motions (meeting people, going on dates, getting to know them, opening up to them) you will likely get "lucky" one day.

❤️

[ajai]

@universe Well explained, now I can see the "luck" making more sense to me.Thank-you.

[shallotsometimes]

@ajai Yeah, I don't believe it's all luck either, like they already said. I don't know why we start off with the lives we do (karma? Our soul chose certain challenges? Idk!) but some people definitely have it harder or it's more of a turbulent experience. Meanwhile, someone else might find a compatible long-term partner easily but find financial abundance difficult. It's like any other category of life. You can definitely bring it into your life through action and changing your belief systems.

[ajai]

12 minutes ago, shallotsometimes said:

You can definitely bring it into your life through action and changing your belief systems

Yeah true that.

13 minutes ago, shallotsometimes said:

someone else might find a compatible long-term partner easily but find financial abundance difficult

Yes, even then I mean look at all these celebs, for us from our POV it may seem like they are lucky or something but nothing comes so easy thru some sort of magic or spell, it boils down to the work you are willing to put.

We say oh look at that guy X he's so lucky, but you are not that guy aight, so you don't know what all he did and wht he had to go thru to be where it seems all so lucky to you, maybe he h'd to hustle more than you are hustlin' in yo life, but the most important thing is he fought so that people can label him as "lucky".

That's what makes LUCK so juicy because it's the projection of it what we look upto and crave for, it's a way too abstract of a term in my opinion.

[Akemrelax]

I have found people with healthy relationships to have healthy SD stage blue in them. They tend to be less choosy when choosing a partner. They also compromise. They tend to be conformists (squares), not very individualistic. They play it safe when it comes to relationships, not getting into relationships that will be short and avoid dubious partners, and they attract similar type of people. They realize relationships are a give and take.

They build their relationship on solid stage blue and orange values before moving to more romantic ideals of stage green and above.