Is There A Way Forward Through This Catch-22?

[philosogi]

I have a dilemma. Say I have a person in my life I would like to keep around. Say that person is not at peace (self judgment, self-disappointment, defeatism, soft addiction, bitterness, victim mentality, anger, denial).

On one hand, the universe is exactly as it "should" be, and there's nothing wrong with anyone. So there's nothing wrong with this person. And therefore there's no need to try to help/change this person. 

On the other hand, given that I want this person around, I'm not sure how to interact. I'm trying to be non-judgmental and supportive and reminding that they're doing their best, and giving empathy sometimes. But often I cast about for something to say that isn't a judgment, finger-pointing, a platitude, or a comforting statement. So I end up saying "mhm" and asking a lot of questions that digs deeper into what the person is saying. Sometimes we just end up staring at each other after a round of this, with nothing left to say. What else is there to say to people when they're in this state, that isn't ending the current communication. Also I am struggling to remain emotionally independent. All that despair and depression I find it easy to succumb to. It starts to leech into me.

I watched "How To Deal With Difficult & Toxic People." I could let go of this person, but I don't see that as beneficial to the collective consciousness.

So in summary, what could I say? How could I react?

 

[Frogfucius]

I know it's tough to let someone you care about go. Evaluate why you want this person around. Is it an ego thing? Why is it not beneficial for you to let go? Why is independence from someone you know is toxic a bad thing?

Hooking yourself to toxicity is like a drug, and it's hard to let go. With constant consciousness and awareness work, you'll slowly unhook yourself from all of the toxins that poison your mind. It's going to take a long time, so hang in there and be diligent.

Personally, I struggle with the need for acceptance, dependency, idealizations of love, low self-esteem. I'm not going to involve myself in relationships outside of my closest family members until I can resolve this inner issue. It's been so tempting to try and renew old relationships or start new ones, but I will always come from a place of scarcity until I completely dissolve the affects of toxicity poisoning my mind. Until then, it's nothing but hard work, and it's a roller coaster ride!

Best of luck to you.

Edited August 23, 2016 by Frogfucius

[cirkussmile]

You can't change another person. Either you wait for a miracle to happen or you take action. You are worth so much more than having those thoughts! If that person was perfect for you, you wouldn't have started this thread.

Take your time and prepare for this outcome. 

I know it's hard! Keep improving and loving yourself and you will soon know what to do.

Peace

[philosogi]

I guess a better question is: Can I get to a point where I can not let it bother me? How can I go about doing this? 

1 hour ago, cirkussmile said:

If that person was perfect for you

I get your overall points, but this part is impossible

19 hours ago, Frogfucius said:

Hooking yourself to toxicity is like a drug

What does this mean? Could being around toxicity be addictive for me? 

Edited August 24, 2016 by philosogi

[Frogfucius]

56 minutes ago, philosogi said:

What does this mean? Could being around toxicity be addictive for me? 

Indeed, addictive for everyone. Alcohol, junk food, and drugs we can consider toxic, and those are highly addictive. Then there's more subtle things, such as love, negative thoughts, and bad relationships. These can also be considered toxic addictions.

As far as getting to a point of not letting it bother you..I would suggest greater doses of meditation and self-inquiry. You may not be able to stop the thoughts and feelings, but you can get to a point where you just observe them and let them pass, without getting swept away in your mind's stories. Leo has a video called "Awareness alone is curative" and it has good information. I would suggest watching that.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Frogfucius

[Lynnel]

On 23/08/2016 at 6:01 PM, philosogi said:

I have a dilemma. Say I have a person in my life I would like to keep around.

 

I could let go of this person, but I don't see that as beneficial to the collective consciousness.

 

 

How is it beneficial to you ? Who cares about collective consciousness ? That reason sounds seriously fake to me

If you need to say that you can let go it means that you actually can't let go - because otherwise you would have done it already.

Do you want to keep a person you call toxic in your own life ?

[philosogi]

@Lynnel I think a lot of your questions are rhetorical, so I will answer them to myself and put thought into what you've written. Thanks for your input