How I Fu***d up on a fender bender

[AnthonyR]

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, with the exception of these life incidents that throw me off and make me feel like an idiot.

STORY TIME: Last week when I was driving home, I had to brake hard to avoid hitting another vehicle that abruptly stopped in front me.  The reason the vehicle in front of me came to a halt was due to a silly goose crossing the street.  Fortunately I was able to brake in time and avoided a collision with the vehicle.  However the person behind me was not able to brake in time and collided with my vehicle.

Now I'm fairly level headed and I'm not someone who gets annoyed easily, and I was able to keep my cool and even felt some sympathy for the individual who hit me, understanding that if I was in her situation, I would have probably collided as well.  So when this lady collided with me; I had some feelings of annoyance creep up alongside some feelings of remorse and decided on the spot that I would stay positive about this experience and deal with it calmly. even through I was feeling some stress because I hate getting into these situations. Who does?

So we both pulled over to inspect the damage, It wasn't anything major, just a cracked rear bumper on my vehicle with very little damage to the vehicle that hit me.  I figured the cost of the damage would be negligible on my vehicle - and this is where I went wrong !!

Now on situations like this, the proper procedure would be to exchange information such as Insurance, contact, take photos etc, but as all this was happening I wasn't thinking straight.  The lady who hit me suggested that we exchange numbers and I should then let her know the cost of damage etc and we would deal with it that way. Like an idiot I agreed and went along with it, I completely trusted her with no ounce of mistrust on my part.  We parted ways and then a few minutes after getting back inside my vehicle it hit me like a ton of bricks, that I was too quick to simply trust her.  WHAT THE HELL !!

I know the process !! I'm familiar with it, but yet when it happened, it completely threw me off and now i feel like an idiot.  I realize she got away with this and is probably grinning all over because she played well and i easily trusted her.

The end result of all this: After taking it to the bodyshop to get it inspected it is going to cost me close to $1500 (Canadian) to get it fixed up  - Replacing the cracked bumper, labour, sensors, and Rental for 3 days of work.  I texted her the estimate and now she is gone all silent, ignoring my calls and text, and not cooperating in the matter to try and resolve this.

I am blaming myself for not doing due diligence, for letting her play me, and for my failure to think through the situation as it was happening.  I can understand that when these things happen it can be really stressful and it is during these times that I fail to think clearly and do what is necessary and end up getting myself into more of a jam.

I also know that if the roles were reversed, and I ended up hitting her, I would fully cooperate with her to get the matter resolved.  So it bothers me that people still feel no empathy and fail to take any responsibility in doing the right thing.  Fuckin sucks !!

[Roy]

Yep. It sucks! I went through something similar recently but kind of lucked out in the end. My girlfriend and I broke up in late August, we talked and both cried for a few hours. After some time towards the afternoon I went to go clean her car (wanted to do it anyways) to do something productive and distract myself, on the way to the car wash someone's dog got off it's leash and ran out in front of me.... SMACK......... dead. Nothing I could do. I grieved with the family and apologized, but didn't inspect the front of the car or change numbers because I was too distraught after what happened and earlier as well. Seemed like it would have been a dick thing to do on the spot anyways after seeing their pet take it's last breathes in front of me.

I returned with flowers and told them yea there is damage to the front bumper and hood, lets exchange numbers and insurance. It was an "act of God" accident so their home owners insurance and my ex's auto insurance covered 90% of it. I had to shell out the last 10% which my ex is slowly paying me back for because I wasn't at fault.

The thing is it could have gone much more south and I would have been fucked. Maybe her car insurance wouldn't help out, or the family could have lied about how the dog got onto the road etc. And I would have been left with a $2500 bill.

The point is even in these kind of circumstances do you best to be kind and courteous first, but ALWAYS cover your ass. Take pictures, call the police, exchange information. Do not feel bad for doing it no matter how awkward it feels. As long as you are also being polite on top of being responsible you don't have to apologize for anything.

You can only control yourself ultimately, just do your part to try to get things worked out but never assume the good nature of other people in situations like this.

You learned a lesson, an expensive one at that, but you're much wiser for the future now.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Roy

[Preety_India]

 

Don't beat yourself. Such situations happen. These are learning lessons on the way. 

Feel sorry that you got scammed by the person. 

I went through plenty of situations where I felt scammed by numerous people. 

Now I don't trust people that much anymore. 

Try to be more vigilant in the future about yourself and your surroundings. Don't get lost in thought. Be more in the present. The best word is "vigilance." We get lost too much that we lose self awareness. 

If you remind yourself to be alert, your body will do that for you. 

Next time call the police. Be sure to hold the person accountable.. 

Note down the person's name and collect evidence. 

Don't be too polite to strangers in such situations. Because they most likely won't care 

They are trying to cover their ass. Politeness is a form of civility but It presents challenges when the other person does not honor their part of the deal. 

I had several experiences where I was extremely polite but the other person was constantly taking advantage of my politeness. 

This used to happen at stores where if I paid in cash, I wasn't given the balance cash in return. I had to be strict and me more mean to get my stuff back. 

So politeness is to be used to people who are polite back to you. Not to people who don't value your issues. 

It's Frustrating and you don't want to be all pumped up especially in a stressful situation 

But that's where you need the pump up to be defensive. Sadly we live in a society where being kind is nice but not useful and we need to be pragmatic in our dealings with others. 

Also value and respect yourself before you respect others. This should be done on the spot.. If you are an empathy driven person like me, you are more likely to think of the other person rather than yourself. This can easily stack the odds Against you. So you pull all the value to yourself so others don't get manipulate you. You tell them sternly and confidently without feeling guilty or whatever, and show them that you first care about yourself, politeness aside. That way you send them a strong message that you aren't putting up with their manipulation and gritting and that they need to play by the rules or you take action. 

Hope everything goes fine. 

@Roy I appreciate your answer. 

 

 

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Preety_India

[Average Investor]

I was giving a guy a jump start one time, then once his vehicle turned on he had it in gear and hit my car lol. It messaged up my bumper and hit my fancy rim a bit. I actually did not call the insurance or anything and he assured me he knew how to fix it with years of experience in body repair. He actually did follow up with me to fix it, but I did not take it. I made the mistake again with a different driver, but they were uninsured anyway. I have uninsured motorist coverage now. I run a dash cam I got at a garage sale for $8 and would call the police and show footage immediately now. It is a tough lesson, but at least it is just a car and your are not hurt. 

To be fair it might just be worth forgetting about the bumper and moving on. You could probably find a different bumper at a junk yard and spend a couple hours installing if you are unfamiliar and save a grand most likely too. 

[AnthonyR]

@Roy I swerve to avoid hitting squirrels and cats that cross my path here in Toronto.  Thankfully haven't hit any of them or else I'd be devastated. Hope I never do.

@Pretty As much as I want to be vigilant of everyone, I want to believe that people can be good and decent and do the right thing.  Going back to those moments when I had to deal with her, I really not sure why I just believed that she would do the right thing.  I usually am more vigilant than this.  So the fact that I didn't take the necessary steps to protect my ass in this case, is still eating me up inside.

@Average Investor This is a brand new 2019 Mazda 3 I purchased in Feb this year, Not sure I will find a used bumper I can replace with.  But good point.  I can have a look.  That would surely save me a ton.

I am also considering connecting with a lawyer and letting her know that I will be filing a police report and will see her in court.   Just to scare her a bit.  Not sure how much that would help.

I appreciate the responses.  Even though I realize this is not the best place to post something like this.  I hope it can still give people some perspective that as much as you might think you're evolved intellectually, and you want to trust the human race, and believe we are all in this together, that we can help each other out, trust each other, and do the right thing when the times comes.  You still gotta be vigilant !! And protect your own ass first and foremost. 

I've learned a lesson, so in a sense its not all that bad.  Things could've been worse. 

Cheers

-Anthony

[Preety_India]

 

 

37 minutes ago, AnthonyR said:

  I hope it can still give people some perspective that as much as you might think you're evolved intellectually, and you want to trust the human race, and believe we are all in this together, that we can help each other out, trust each other, and do the right thing when the times comes.  You still gotta be vigilant !! And protect your own ass first and foremost. 

 

Yea. That's the most important lesson that you learned. And it's good that you posted it here because I learned so much in trying to guide you. The best lesson is to stay vigilant no matter what. Thanks for sharing your experience. It made me remember some of mine and it helped me gain a perspective. 

 

 

[Average Investor]

@AnthonyR Honestly, I would just work on moving on from it. Scaring them is just going to take up your time and energy. A big issue is going to be self-bias too. You can imagine once the person was repeating the story the narrative starting to build more and more into their favor. It might not even be as much as they want to lie, but they believe the story they are telling. 

You can finder cheaper body shops and such. You would be surprised with the year. I actually just found some bumpers for it on eBay. Few hindered bucks, set of tools, and some youtube videos would get you sorted. You might be able to pay your insurance a deductible though and get it repaired too. Depends on your policy.