Hypothetical question for the men

[vizual]

Hi guys,

How would you react if you found out your girlfriend/wife has worked as a prostitute for a period in her life before you met her and she have had sex with hundreds/thousands of men?

I personally don't know how I would react, so I'm curious.

[Preety_India]

If I were a man, I wouldn't want such a woman. Because I won't be able to trust her. 

If she can be so callous about her sexual integrity then it's not a trustworthy person given that relationship involves sex and exclusive sex.. 

If I saw a man who had been working as a sex worker or someone who is not concerned about his sexual integrity, then I would have the same opinion. I wouldn't trust him sexually. 

Sexual trust is very primal in relationships 

 

[vizual]

Just now, Preety_India said:

If I were a man, I wouldn't want such a woman. Because I won't be able to trust her. 

If she can be so callous about her sexual integrity then it's not a trustworthy person given that relationship involves sex and exclusive sex.. 

If I saw a man who had been working as a sex worker or someone who is not concerned about his sexual integrity, then I would have the same opinion. I wouldn't trust him sexually. 

Sexual trust is very primal in relationships 

 

I can definitely sympatize and resonate with this answer. But what if this person has grown a lot since then? I mean, a person can definitely grow regarding integrity. Like I said in the OP, it has been a period in the past.

[Preety_India]

 

Just now, vizual said:

I can definitely sympatize and resonate with this answer. But what if this person has grown a lot since then? I mean, a person can definitely grow regarding integrity. Like I said in the OP, it has been a period in the past.

Now I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of a husband or boyfriend. 

At first I would be a bit apprehensive and skeptical. I will keep an eye on their sexual behavior because I wouldn't tolerate cheating and look for signs of it 

Once I get the green signal that this person(woman) won't cheat and is ready to show sexual commitment as a partner, I will be more than happy to move past their Old sexual habits and behaviors. I will let it go and focus on the present. 

But. 

For this to happen, that person needs to give me a clean chit of good sexual behavior and no repetition of old behaviors and total commitment and the onus of building trust lies on them and they need to do it properly. 

If they have shown good growth and they are a new self, I will accept with open arms and no judgement. 

But remember they will need to prove it for me to believe. Because it's not easy to simply overlook past behaviors 

 

 

[vizual]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Now I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of a husband or boyfriend. 

At first I would be a bit apprehensive and skeptical. I will keep an eye on their sexual behavior because I wouldn't tolerate cheating and look for signs of it 

Once I get the green signal that this person(woman) won't cheat and is ready to show sexual commitment as a partner, I will be more than happy to move past their Old sexual habits and behaviors. I will let it go and focus on the present. 

But. 

For this to happen, that person needs to give me a clean chit of good sexual behavior and no repetition of old behaviors and total commitment and the onus of building trust lies on them and they need to do it properly. 

If they have shown good growth and they are a new self, I will accept with open arms and no judgement. 

But remember they will need to prove it for me to believe. Because it's not easy to simply overlook past behaviors 

 

 

I can see what you mean. 

The real root of my question lies in the fact that it seems that when a woman is labelled a "slut" she is a "slut" forever. And I think a lot of men's ego can't handle the fact that his woman has been with a lot of other men. This is definitely more of an issue for men than for women. For women this is less important in Western culture at least.

I'm not saying this is bad or good. I'm just wondering about how people react to this.

[Preety_India]

@vizual

That's actually up to you. Maybe try to forget it.

If the actions of a person are good, then any label is an act of the Ego. 

Dissolve this Egoic need or attachment to have everything perfect as per social standards is like playing into the labels created by society and not being able to be open minded enough to see there is a real person behind these labels. 

If the label applies to them in a fair manner, so it is not bad, because you're just calling a spade a spade and your deductive judgment will be understandable. 

But when a label no longer holds any water, then simply using it to create cognitive dissonance is a way of distancing from the person for no legitimate cause. 

The distance has been created in the mind due to cognitive conflict but the real question is 

Is the person deserving of such a distance? 

If in the present moment they haven't done anything to warrant such a distance, then this distance in reality is based on falsehood.. 

Remove the cognitive dissonance and this distance is gone. You see the partner for who they are and not from the lens of the cognitive dissonance of the labels created by society. 

You can get cognitive dissonance in your mind from time to time as it happens with many men. They lose wonderful partners owing to such cognitive dissonance 

They unnecessarily cast suspicions on their wives and its not the actions of the wives but their own cognitive dissonance that becomes a nail in the coffin for the relationship. 

Now one way to trick this thought is to ask 

Is she really doing what I'm thinking? 

And if the answer is no, then simply abandon such negative thoughts and never let them destroy or judge the sweetness of the relationship 

 

[Leo Gura]

Find a better girl.

It's not about the cheating potential. That girl is gonna have so many emotional problems.

You don't just walk away from being a prostitute without serious trauma.

Even dating a stripper is a huge red flag. She's gonna be nuts.

Given how many nice girls are out there, why on earth would you settle for an ex-prostitute? It shows you have low value and can't get anything better.

Unless you want to do charity work here. Then by all means, go for it.

[vizual]

@Leo Gura  I don’t know Leo. Doesn’t this go against your philosophy of unconditional love, open-mindedness and acceptance?
 

Maybe this woman has done a lot of inner spiritual work on herself since then. 
 

And for comparison sake; I saw a post in another topic where a female poster said she had sex with 55 men(or maybe it was her friend). Is she really that much different from a prostitute/stripper/camgirl? But you’d be okay being with such a woman just because she did not make any money fron her escapades.

And what about the Pua men that have been with hundreds of women. Arent they deserving of love as well? Or do different standards apply to the men?

 

[Preety_India]

@vizual  you think a lot like me lol. 

 

Aha. 

This is the first time I met a person on the forum who actually thinks exactly like me. 

Big surprise to me. But I'm glad.. 

[vizual]

@mmKay Tmi bro, tmi. Lol

[No Self]

There is a self-help book called No More Mr. Nice Guy which mentions that entering a relationship with the intention of fixing someone is not the same thing as buying a home in need of renovations. It tends to end in disaster. I made a similar mistake myself long ago.

That said, a friend of mine ended up with a partner who had been through a lot of trauma and they've been together for years now. She'd been through about 50 men and was sexually abused as a child in the Jehovah's Witness cult. I've never quite figured it out.

[Leo Gura]

Some of you lovey-dovey types are overlooking a very important lesson: ruthlessness.

Sometimes in life the proper move is to be a bit ruthless. This does not contradict Love.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Some of you lovey-dovey types are overlooking a very important lesson: ruthlessness.

Sometimes in life the proper move is to be a bit ruthless. This does not contradict Love.

My lovey dovey type nature  also does not contradict love. 

 

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My lovey dovey type nature  also does not contradict love. 

It's just naive.

[Chives99]

I'd be a hypocrite if I was against considering  I've shagged plenty of them . I'd rather she just kept it to herself like I would. Wouldn't be very good for a relationship during though so I'd want her to stop

[ajai]

11 hours ago, vizual said:

Hi guys,

How would you react if you found out your girlfriend/wife has worked as a prostitute for a period in her life before you met her and she have had sex with hundreds/thousands of men?

I personally don't know how I would react, so I'm curious.

God, Let me be cent percent true here...

As long as she's smoking hot and make me go mad about her everytime I see her it doesn't matter even if she had sexual relations with 1000 men but rt now she's with me so my job is to caress her like she's me and I'm her that's it, so it's just me her and the sitar music.PEACE

Edited October 7, 2020 by ajai

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, ajai said:

As long as she's smoking hot and make me go mad

Good thinkin' with your dick.

What could possibly go wrong?

[ajai]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Good thinkin' with your dick.

It is what it is...SIR

Edited October 7, 2020 by ajai

[ajai]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What could possibly go wrong?

Welp, I don't know Sir never been with one,

you gotta tell me ?

[Leo Gura]

@ajai I'll let you discover the joys of dating prostitutes for yourself. Wouldn't want to spoil it for ya.