My Inner Demons Are Blocking Me

[the dreamer]

hello , i'm 18 years old (almost 19). my problem is that everytime i try to start my journey to success i fail because i'm neurotic ,everytime i return to where i started from. sometimes in the same day i take the decision of changing myself in the morning ,and in the evening i end up doing the same old stuff that i'm used to. can it be that some people like me just can't change?  what pisses me off is that i know that i have the potential to do very well in my studies (i'm studying to be an engineer) but my neurosis and all my problems just keep blocking me and this is affecting also my parents(especially my mom ) because they're getting very sad seeing me suffer. my mom saw me crying the other day and i could feel her heart melting. help me please . i'm addicted to porn ( but i can feel that it's not the porn itself that i need when i watch it ,i know i'm just using it to distract myself from the real painful problems). my gf broke up with me a week ago again bcs of my neurosis(now i don't want any gf i just want to focus on my studies and my dreams) . now i have only 27 days of summer left until college starts again, and i really need these 27 days to restudy what we did last year (because i wasn't focusing last year at all) in order to understand the lessons of next year. but as i said my problemes and inner demons don't let me do anything i'm just waching movies or talking to friends to forget everything . it's like i'm using anything i can find as a baby blanket that protects me from reality .

[Sick Boy]

I recommend you to start practice daily meditation to know your psychology better. You will be able to put more awareness in yourself and identify what's really blocking you.

I hated doing meditation in the beginning but binaural beats/isochronic tones helped me a lot to start. Search in Youtube for them, there are dozens of them.

[philosogi]

@the dreamer Don't get bogged down by what others think/feel of you, even your mother. As much as she might think it's her business to feel sad because of your suffering, how is that going to help you? 

Of course you can change! That is a scientific fact. Neural pathways can be trained; it just takes persistence. The very reason you can change is because you want to. Now it's time to gather the tools. Maybe a good place to start is to get a good therapist who can help you work through your neuroses. Once you understand and accept your neuroses you won't be bothered by them anymore.

Have you seen Leo's video on neurosis? Personally I found the "How to Stop Judging Yourself" and "A Rant Against Morality - Very Foundational (and its sequel)" and "How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions" and "How To Stop Being A Victim - The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life" very useful, among many many more.

And kind of a rhetorical question that is a good point for self inquiry: What research have you done towards understanding yourself?

[philosogi]

@Sick Boy I think meditation is great, but it must happen alongside concrete research too.

[Lawrence]

1 hour ago, philosogi said:

Of course you can change! That is a scientific fact. Neural pathways can be trained; it just takes persistence. The very reason you can change is because you want to.

I love hearing this because it is so true and it's such a relief to know we can change any time we desire to.

[philosogi]

@Lawrence Me too! It's a powerful piece of knowledge. I gotta now not fall into the trap of thinking that it will be easy or fast.

[Lawrence]

4 minutes ago, philosogi said:

@Lawrence Me too! It's a powerful piece of knowledge. I gotta now not fall into the trap of thinking that it will be easy or fast.

Yeah, I always get caught up in the thinking phase. Or thinking about how many things I'm doing on my daily routine list and wonder if I'll fit them all in

[the dreamer]

@Lawrence @philosogi thank you for your help

 

[Sick Boy]

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

— Douglas Hofstadter