Should I Leave College?

[Anon212]

Hey guys, I was looking for some advice. Recently college has restarted and I have a very strong urge to leave. I genuinely use to enjoy what I was doing but that passion has subsided. In fact I've noticed that in a few areas in my life. I started Jiujitsu a year ago and fell in love with the sport training almost everyday though now it is gone because of Covid and I have no interest in returning. I am on a full scholarship in college. Everything is paid, fees, travel, food, clothes even holidaying and it makes life so easy for me. Of course I worked extremely hard to get it. I am also set up very well to go into med school if I like, my grades are excellent and I feel confident to do any exams that come and that too will be sponsored. I should be extraordinarily grateful for what I have. I have lots of spare time and money and all of it was achieved through academia. In fact one of the things stopping me from leaving is everything that I've gotten now. I grew up in a lower working class family and never had much. But here I am now, 20 years old in my final year at college and none of this means anything. College doesn't mean anything, jiujitsu, I even use to do powerlifting but my interests are gone. For the past year or so I've been doing inquiry and meditations. During Ramadan, I partook in the fasting alongside my family and instead of praying I sat still 5-6 hours a day and that's all I wanted to do. I experienced fleeting glimpses of freedom but now I think that I need to go all the way. I was thinking of leaving absolutely everything and moving to an ashram, monastery or some zen school. I will lose everything. I'm not sure what I should do. I've saved up enough money and made enough through the stock market to keep myself going for a year but it's difficult. I'm so lucky. I have everything laid out in front of me, it's almost like I'm being ungrateful by leaving it all behind. I have studied a lot of Leo's work including all of his models. I printed them out. Read them and re read them, I've read so many books about philosophy, psychology and so on. In the past two months I've read maybe 20 books about enlightenment. But at this moment I've just thrown all those away. I'm not interested in books or models or informations or degrees or money anymore. I want to go and completely transform myself. I want to come back and help people come out of their bullshit. I am not depressed or nihilistic, I just find that I am in a difficult position here. I'm going to make a whole lot of people unhappy if I leave. Other questions also pop up like, "am I too young?" And "shouldn't I be dating?" but my heart tells me to go. Can anyone offer some advice? Thank you for reading this.

[Origins]

For me, I don't really see any kind of emotional solace being found in your ruminations beyond any natural emotional intelligence you'll need to develop to ensure that you're aligned with your authentic goals. In saying that all I really suggest is you deciding this for yourself. So you've discovered you've developed interests in spirituality, that's great add it to the list of endeavours you'd like to explore further be it the case, but for me there's no hidden journey you're on here towards spirituality.

Some may say, "Oh well maybe there's a hidden interest spirituality that you must follow and forfeit everything else in your conquest!", I would say on the other hand that you're best putting every message you've ever heard aside including this one, just simply checking in with your emotional self, learning about what lays in the subconscious and incrementally learning from your experiences there to help you discover what path you'd like to follow or continue to follow.

The path of enlightenment has nothing to do with the outer world, and if anything on some level I think you simultaneously realise that while being still somewhat confused and perhaps as a defence to that dissonance your ego is now questioning your present educational preoccupations altogether. This is why I think its important for you to make some important emotional distinctions within yourself before you move forward, you'll be saving yourself many years if you learn to do this outside the influence of the social world including expectations from parents, friends, teachers and so on.

Two more things for you to realise is that one educational badges and any congratulations there is pure illusion, like any badges of social congratulations, but the problem there is that we've been subconsciously conditioned to be motivated by these things hence why this dissonance around this self questioning stage is global and confusing, because then we have to discover an order within ourselves that allows us to still be motivated outside the social imperative. You'll need to learn to separate what others want to reward you with for your accomplishments as that's simply how they're programmed so best to just leave them be and two, realising that you still need to be driven by your own inner compass about what truly rewards you on an internal level. So it seems like there's a reshaping of internal and external rewards occurring here with you now moving towards the inner landscape more to find meaning in the outer landscape, that's good, but keep that information private towards people that aren't going to be completely respectful of any experiences you're going through here. 

And two, you'll need to start building models for yourself about how we can be swayed one way versus another based on the informational inputs we get like this message I'm sharing. I'm sure that reading all those spiritual books have had a big influence on the dissonance you're experiencing because they would have created all kinds of imaginings of life outside your present reference frame, which is good and healthy, but you'll need to learn to balance that with real life. You'll learn overtime to become increasingly more savvy when it comes to understanding how imagining various alternatives about life can drive us to feel discontent about our present position but often what needs to be resolved first and foremost is the internal compass. Sometimes the internal compass can easily be driven astray by our imagination when its not firmly planted in the ground, the ground here being our well developed emotional intelligence, values, goals and so on. If you'd like any resources on developing emotional intelligence let me know.

No bodies ever "too young" per se when it comes to major life decisions in a career sense, at least theoretically not statistically, what matters is their psychological and emotional development. You CLEARLY need to start to focus on being clear in yourself about discovering YOUR authentic wants and needs, this is related to psychological and emotional development. Your psychology right now is saying to yourself "hey I'm missing something but I'm not quite sure what it is", well that's also your emotions saying "hey I'm not quite sure I'm still motivated in the same way as I used to be but are you listening to me?". So start listening inside without thought and start discerning with intuition and then follow it up with critical thinking about the real world, put the critical thinking aside while you're getting in tune with yourself though. 

[Origins]

And as it concerns the spiritual path, it's an inner path. It doesn't have much to do with the outer world to me, most people that run off to monasteries, etc are probably just lacking in the areas I've shared. 

But anything I've said, take it with a grain of salt. Its your decision.

[WonderSeeker]

Long story short, it sounds like you're going through an inner transformation which will manifest outwardly sooner or later. I'm in a similar boat right now as I am in graduate school and feeling highly dissatisfied with it. I'd say pick up some "Emotional Mastery" books on Leo's book list and work through them. Especially Loving What Is, by Byron Katie. What you'll come to realize is that you are perfectly okay where you are and things will fall into place. Trust your highest intuition. Strategize. Do some contemplating and introspecting and you'll start getting answers.

As @Origins said, it's your decision.

Best of luck!

[Samuel Garcia]

I know a doctor who holds non duality meetings and does posts on it on the side. In fact there are many doctors (let alone all the other professions) who engage in talking about spirituality. In fact Ramana Maharshi actively discouraged people from giving up their careers and duties in favour of a 'spiritual lifestyle' - and there are many reasons for this.

But you seem to have a really could pathway ahead so best not to drop of college and perhaps regret that in the future.

I'm not sure what the system is like where you are, but at least finish college and get that milestone out the way so you have no regrets. And if you really feel like you don't want to continue and go to med school, maybe take some time off first. If you want to be doctor definitely go for that. And does the consciousness work also at the same time.

Hope this helps a little. Wish you well. 

[willl]

College is a structure which 'makes you productive' and guides you to a place where you 'produce'. Everything is planned out and automatic. 

You'll still need to offer something after enlightenment 

Understand if you don't believe in that system you'll have to replace it or build your own. Which way is more worthwhile for you?

Do you want to take advantage of existing systems or reinvent/improve them?

[bejapuskas]

I would just recommend you not to take a decision in some sort of panic or fear. Also observe yourself whether you haven't closed your mind to learning new things, it is very hard to escape learning in life. 

[Adam M]

I'm also 20. The only thing that I do is listen to masters, learn from books, study books, contemplate, and meditate. I also am working on building the skill of business and marketing so that my YouTube content will reach a larger audience.

Basically, I have no interest in school. So I don't waste my time doing it. I could be using that time to meditate, read, and build relevant skills for my life purpose.

Its working very well for me. Just good luck convincing your parents if you wish to do the same (I highly reccomend)

[Nahm]

@Anon212

Just some sharing here, don’t mean to be self indulgent but thought a share of a different perspective & frame of reference might be useful to you. I have a deeply fulfilling marriage, a wonderful fun family, some really precious deep friendships, very fulfilling hobbies & interests like poetry, drawing, painting, guitar & singing that develop more & more as I go, am a millionaire, and meet with people daily on skype, zoom, and at a yoga & reiki center helping with self realization & awakening. I worked three jobs while in college full time to pay for it. I never had a loan, or any financial backing. I got my first job when I was 13, to buy clothes that weren’t my older brothers. I exercise & meditate each morning, and eat in accordance with well being. I’ve never been to an ashram. I don’t believe my thoughts. I use a dreamboard every day, and I never think about what I should be doing, and am never at a loss for what I want to do next. It is already on the board. I add to it as I go. I am just get started. 

[wk197]

30 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Anon212

Just some sharing here, don’t mean to be self indulgent but thought a share of a different perspective & frame of reference might be useful to you. I have a deeply fulfilling marriage, a wonderful fun family, some really precious deep friendships, very fulfilling hobbies & interests like poetry, drawing, painting, guitar & singing that develop more & more as I go, am a millionaire, and meet with people daily on skype, zoom, and at a yoga & reiki center helping with self realization & awakening. I worked three jobs while in college full time to pay for it. I never had a loan, or any financial backing. I got my first job when I was 13, to buy clothes that weren’t my older brothers. I exercise & meditate each morning, and eat in accordance with well being. I’ve never been to an ashram. I don’t believe my thoughts. I use a dreamboard every day, and I never think about what I should be doing, and am never at a loss for what I want to do next. It is already on the board. I add to it as I go. I am just get started. 

You are just really lucky. 

[Nahm]

@wk197

Yes indeed, thank you. The luckiest man on earth. 

[wk197]

17 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@wk197

Yes indeed, thank you. The luckiest man on earth. 

So you didn't work for it?

[LfcCharlie4]

@wk197 he’s the GOAT of the forum, show him some respect  

 

[Nahm]

@wk197

Yes, lots of work. But I have feet and sight to find work. I have hands to do it. I have feeling & thoughts, and can change my attitude & perspective accordingly. I feel very grateful for these things, as I see not everyone is as blessed. 

@LfcCharlie4

...Googling this ‘goat’ thingy. 

[Origins]

To add a visualisation experiment: 

The whole "visualize what you want" doesn't always work for me because sometimes all I'm seeing is a romantic interest (that I won't be seeing again for some months) and I can correlate that more with my state of affections which has primed my imagination more than it actually being an intrinsic want that is practical to serve as a life purpose. 

One thing that does though when it comes to estimating different life paths is if you have a good imagination, I would simply try on different life paths on for size in a number of different creative ways. 

Imagine what its like to be a doctor (something you've probably already done), but do so outside of your older motivations which might be related to getting social validation and approval, go to more the authentic emotions, then instead of attaching the positive emotions you may experience there with the identity "doctor", which is actually a very haphazard philosophical and psychological mistake most people do, instead seek to understand the causes of those emotions along with what potential positive future they may have for you in the future in relation to this life path or whatever life path and how they may serve those emotions.

We often choose life paths because of some emotional experiences we get from them, by understanding the emotions, we can understand the path in the context of the emotions rather than the outer path itself, this will often teach us more about ourselves than the path itself in this explicit sense. 

Other than a doctor, imagine now being all various kinds of occupations from a monk to a rockstar to a racing car driver and more, whatever appeals to you. The next thing I'll encourage you to do though is try to do so outside the context of bias as much as possible so you can get into how it actually would likely rawly feel.

See I highly trust my imagination because what I've learned about myself is that my imagination is scarcely different to the real thing a lot of the time, something which isn't popularised at the very least as being a normal thing but I know within everyone is the ability to improve it. Secondly I trust my imagination because I do just that, as I've wondered about my earlier days in my imagination I was often far more biased in my simulations because I wasn't as self aware when it came to understanding the influence of my subconscious mind which includes all the potential brainwashing and social conditioning that was present, so I've learned to not only reduce some of that but also be mindful enough of those influences that I'm more vigilant about the kind of emotional experiences I go through in my imagination during this kind of process. The reason why I state this as well is because I know many persons who have gone down certain paths thinking it was going to be amazing because society told them that was the case but later found out after their high test scores and long education and long hours at work that it was hardly what they thought it would be. 

The problem here which will I'll attempt to address is in the next paragraph is that they failed to accurately close the experiential gap between them and the occupation, instead, they relied on implicit assumptions installed in them by the social narratives that existed around the times in which they were influenced to take on that life path.

A technique that elaborates on the ethos of this imperative is the following recent post I made about the experiential gap that exists between people when it comes to understanding one another, the described experiential gaps are analogous to the experiential gap that exists between our present experience and understanding accurately what it would be like to take on a certain life path.

So when undertaking this technique, I cannot stress enough the importance of trying to remove as much bias while undertaking this thought experiment. I recommend using some control simulations, that is, simulations where you compare an imagined experience with a very similar autobiographical experience. If your imagined experience is very similar to your autobiographical experience it can be a gateway to fuelling the contrast you need to gauge at least on a feeling level how accurately you think your simulations are.

 

 

 

 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Nahm it’s a sport term for “Greatest Of All Time” ?

[Origins]

There's also many different approaches to thinking about the idea of "career path", and there's really no problem in having confusion about the subject because its actually a complete delusional thing we've created in order to establish a society. So every person in order to arrive at what they authentically want or just what they're comfortable doing, either one because remember at least to me its a delusion to say its destiny when it was a complete fabrication to begin with, is to generate alternate pathways regarding the idea itself in order to build a neural map in their brain that they can more seamlessly interact with.

For example, instead of just doing those simulations I noted above you can ask yourself questions that are more about your physical nature and then pairing things with that rather than simply saying "what have I enjoyed in the past?" as that kind of question is of course biased by the past:

- However a question like - 

• How would I feel comfortable using my body and mind a lot of the time? Or outside of time, in what ways do I like using my body and mind? 

=> Enables you to make inferences from a more causal rather than effect based reference frame where you've already done the experiments, I mean you have twenty years of sampling here that should be enough unless you've always been doing something you don't like. Moreover, sometimes we might even have biases about an occupation that we may actually like doing if we did it because it suits how we like using our mind but because we have  prejudices about the profession itself, we don't don't. Such prejudices are analogous to why people may not exercise even though they want to be in shape, they have psychological blocks.

Maybe brainstorm an entire list. 

You can also operate from a present to future context. For example, "I like using my brain and body (if relevant, heck could be as simple as being a public speaker) in x way and I'd also like to extend and or protect those abilities in the future".

This will be a good warmup for another brainstorm:
 

• Not only what occupations fit those preferences (and recommendation to do subsequent simulation here in the way as noted in previous comment) but what "occupations/roles/etc" could I even invent myself (which would equate to a new kind of job)?
  
  Remember that there's been many new roles that have either become more popular over the last ten years like consultants and gurus that was never the case before to YouTuber's (aka Leo), instagram models and more representing entirely new professions that random people would give you money for to continue (especially for YT - I'm not so sure how the instagram model thing works so much). 

People make such a big deal over this delusion and so its only natural that we'll have difficulty reasoning about it when we're not aware that its:
(1) A delusion
(2) We're meant to critically and creatively break down and remake the concept itself in order to really build a foundation upon which to think about such a question.

And then of course, take future changes into consideration as well, which I'm sure you'll do, like Elon's AI taking over the world aka jobs kind of thing. In the future if you're a creative person, being a YouTuber will even though there's higher jobs than this that'll be replaced for example have much more job security than being a machine operator in a regular factory given the latter will be replaced by automatic AI stuff. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Origins

[Nahm]

@LfcCharlie4

Well then, you sir are a goat. 

[electroBeam]

@Anon212 You need to watch 2 things: that your lack of motivation isn't flippant(you will change your mind/med passion will come back after leaving college and regret it) on the other side of the coin, if you have a genuine passion beyond college, college is a waste of time. You'll never be happy by chasing stuff. You'll be on a hedonic treadmill forever. Happiness comes from an amazing journey, enjoying the process of developing your career, rather than the destination. 

The best you could ever aim for in life is a blissful moment. Reason why people want loads of money is because the money isnt important, but the blissful moment and feeling of having that money is. The reason why guys want the hottest girl is because the bliss of the moment of having sex with her or being with her is the greatest thing on earth. Its not even her, it's the blissful moment of being with her - the same sort of moment monks feel while having nothing.

It may feel like leaving college means leaving all of your materialistic wealth which = suffering. But the real suffering has nothing to do with the materialistic wealth you acquire, its got to do with whether you're feeling that blissful moment now.

And you could be living in a tent because you're so poor, but if you're doing a job you really really love, you'll feel that bliss all the time, all day. Meanwhile your medicine colleagues are dying away, dreaming of having loads of money so that they can have that blissful moment that you've already got now. 

And then even with the money, they still dont have that blissful moment, because they don't like their jobs, have too much to loose and its too late to switch careers, and shitty health from the all nighters they pulled to get top marks. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by electroBeam