Why doesn't girls understand the challanges guys face when trying to attract a girl?

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura  but I don't test men. 

 

 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Leo Gura  but I don't test men. 

 

 

 

All women do shit tests on men.  It’s a subconscious thing.  I get it though, they want to weed out the weak men.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[aurum]

@SamC

This thread seems to be answered. Both genders tend to be massively blind to the other's struggles because we are biased.

I'll add that for anyone looking to overcome your bias, just make some genuine friends with the opposite gender. Listen and see what they go through. Be curious about it.

4 hours ago, DreamScape said:

@Leo Gura What challenges do they face? just like issues with guys wanting only sex, or attraction issues? I really don't know.

Being valued only for their looks, feeling like they have to find a man while they are still young, feeling torn about wanting to be independent but also wanting a guy take care of them, not enough time to date because of their career, catcalling, threats to their physical safety, not getting the kind of sex they want, sexual trauma, afraid to look like a slut, afraid to look like a prude, guys not being willing to open up to them, and of course, fuck boys. Fuck boys who won't commit, fuck boys who commit but who then still cheat.

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by aurum

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura Yes guys are picky too. They want a honest, caring, smart, cute girl that takes care of herself. They do not want supermodels or anything that extreme, they will take it of course if given. But that is not what they are shopping for. 

[ColeMC01]

Because people do not give a shit about the struggles of others unless they experience it themselves. You expect a girl that gets 10 guys approaching her a month to understand how it feels like  to have nobody approach you and wanting to go out with you? Her brain cannot process it. Just like you cannot process the kind of issues starving childreen in Somalia have to deal with. Even if you can, that is because you are highly developed and aware hence being on this forum. The average person living in a rich country cannot

Edited October 7, 2020 by ColeMC01

[Preety_India]

 

@Thestarguitarist14  maybe it's my childhood where I was constantly judged by a parental figure that made me feel like judging someone for their weakness is a monstrous thing. 

So when I see a weak man, I don't judge him. 

My perspective is a little different from what Leo preaches about sexual value. 

You also have to take into account that I don't come from a PUA oriented culture. 

The first time I heard the word pickup was on this forum. Before that I didn't know that such a word or thing like game existed.. 

In my culture there is nothing like sexual value. Most people just date randomly, whoever they fall in love with. 

If they fall in love, they are not going to think about money, status or looks. 

So the whole pickup culture and gaming and sexual value is very alien to me. 

In my culture if a guy is weak, he is not discouraged from dating. 

I have seen couples where the woman is very fat and the guy is very handsome and they live happily. 

I think the culture where I come from, the dating is not so toxic or super competitive, all that the person is looking for is a understanding partner to have a deep connection with. 

So whenever I met the men in my past, I always looked for a deeper connection, so there was never a thought in my mind about testing a guy. 

 

It's similar to the thinking of the guy here named @vizual.. My thoughts are like him. Just find a person who you resonate with and that's it. There is no testing. 

I'm not saying that testing is wrong. But you need to understand multiple perspectives when it comes to dating. 

From those perspectives those actions won't look illogical. 

Like if you wore my perspective, you won't find "not testing a man" illogical 

 

Dating is not the same way in every country and the perspectives around dating and love widely differ from country to country. 

We don't even have the word incel in our country. In fact I learned this word for the first time only on this forum.. 

I dont think dating has to be so complicated as it is in western countries.. 

If it was so complicated in our country, our population would have been reduced by half. 

But I'm trying to learn different perspectives. It's just that a person like me from an Asian culture is going to feel very shocked looking at western dating patterns and styles. 

In my culture, we mostly look for connection, other things don't matter much. 

We don't use words like high quality men, low quality men, high quality women and low quality women.. This shit is too alien. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

22 minutes ago, aurum said:

Being valued only for their looks, feeling like they have to find a man while they are still young, feeling torn about wanting to be independent but also wanting a guy take care of them, not enough time to date because of their career, catcalling, threats to their physical safety, not getting the kind of sex they want, sexual trauma, afraid to look like a slut, afraid to look like a prude, guys not being willing to open up to them, and of course, fuck boys. Fuck boys who won't commit, fuck who commit but who then still cheat.

You basically laid out almost all the problems I have faced in my past relationships. 

And you did a great job at pointing out the challenges that women face. 

I have been with a guy who committed and then again cheated.. That shit is the toughest to deal with. 

It's so easy to completely overlook the issues that women come across in dating. 

 

 

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Because most guys just want sex and girls get sex easily. They ignore the other part because they do not care about it. Projection 101

[Thestarguitarist14]

@Preety_India It is not a pick up thing.  Every woman does this.  You say what you say, but subconsciously you desire the best man you can get.  Nothing is wrong with that.  So subconsciously you are going to test men to see if they are worth the effort. 
 

This is all instincts.  This is very primitive human behavior.  Men do this to other men two in friendships.  We all desire the best that we can get.

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

You say what you say, but subconsciously you desire the best man you can get.  Nothing is wrong with that.

 

I still feel like I haven't tested men. So I feel a bit weird about myself. Feels like I'm not even a woman. 

But I'll begin testing men. It's super important, I can see how important it is to test men. 

I was too naive not to do that and fell in all sorts of unwanted relationships.. 

I need to reprogram my Brain on how I respond to men. Maybe I'm too gullible.. But I'm sick of it how I easily let some man have me. 

So yea I will need some sturdy boundary building work to do to not let any kind of man in my life just because he love bombed me

I need to outgrow that lovesick puppy phase.. 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I still feel like I haven't tested men.

It's not about testing men.

If you feel attracted to a man in the first place, THAT is already the test.

[Thestarguitarist14]

57 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

I still feel like I haven't tested men. So I feel a bit weird about myself. Feels like I'm not even a woman. 

But I'll begin testing men. It's super important, I can see how important it is to test men. 

I was too naive not to do that and fell in all sorts of unwanted relationships.. 

I need to reprogram my Brain on how I respond to men. Maybe I'm too gullible.. But I'm sick of it how I easily let some man have me. 

So yea I will need some sturdy boundary building work to do to not let any kind of man in my life just because he love bombed me

I need to outgrow that lovesick puppy phase.. 

You already test men.  You just are not aware of it.

[Preety_India]

@Thestarguitarist14  no I didn't. 

Testing is something more 

Much more than simple attraction. 

 

 

[Gesundheit]

I don't think this problem is gender-related. Most guys aren't able to understand their own struggles except on a superficial level. That's why they struggle in the first place lol. The only reason guys can see (but not truly understand) their struggles is because they're facing them directly. Women may or may not be able to see men's struggles, depending on each one's ability to understand and empathize. This takes work, and a lot of selflessness, for both genders. Understanding is unique and rare quality that you can't find in the average Joe/Joelle. It's a quality of the "niche" of minds so to speak.

[Lyubov]

It's my bias but I think men have it much harder than women in the beginning. We have to do so much to get laid and all a pretty woman has to do is just exist. You guys should really see the amount of messages girls get on social media. Dozens a day if they put their instagram out there. 

[evgn]

I am male and i would say that nobody gives a shit about the struggle of others.. Why they would give a shit?

We are selfish animals.. I think that ugly women are the most screwed up in our society, so i sometimes try to put myself in their shoes and it sucks man, because almost every man even girls are judging you by your appearances.

But hey its just the way it is.. who are we gonna judge about that? Nautre? God? Survival?

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by evgn

[SamC]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@SamC Of the same reason you don't give a damn about the challenges girls face in finding quality mating partners.

Both ya'll are selfish, but don't understand it, but blame the other for being selfish.

Yeah for sure. I buy that. At First I thought girls struggle to see the problems guy's face because they just can't, because it's biologically impossible for them but I think it more as to do with self biases, like my own inability to see it. ( cause we live in two different worlds) 

I still feel like guys understand their world better tough.. like I get it.  Rape, sexual abuse, fear, heartbroken from players ect.. In many cases its must be a lot lot lot worse. 

Maybe there is some glinpse of truth towards that they have a harder time seeing its, but if that's the case it's not the whole truth, you know what I Mean? Or maybe I am deluded af, it's okey either way. If I look withing myself, I see that I project my unconcious victim mentality and that's why I even wrote this thread. That said, it still feel like I atleast got a point, in all the selfishness and biases... or maybe not, what do you think Leo?

@Leo Gura

[SamC]

7 hours ago, Ananta said:

Mind you I have not read the thread, so I'm just answering from the OP's question.

Younger (20-35), child bearing age women could care less about your problems attracting women. It is a survival of the fittest contest and you are either up for the challenge or not. They have to think if a potential partner would be a good provider, father and protector.  They are suppose to be picky for survival of the human race (ok, a bit dramatic, but you get my point).  

If you aren't a good provider, protector, etc then the quality of women you can attract goes down. To be straight, if you're a loser then you aren't getting the hot chick, unless she's dumb as a box of rocks and you have something she wants.

As women age, become more finicially independent and no longer want children, then some broaden their horizons and see worth in the incel types, that they may not have seen before. Many aren't reliant on men to provide for them anymore and many have gone the mucho guy route already. 

So, I guess I would say if your a younger guy you need to work on yourself first and foremost, don't expect anything from the women in regards in understanding. It's a game and everyone is playing it.

Yeah, I totally get it. I don't expect them too, I am simply trying to understand why that is, and I think it's because they simple don't give a fuck. The question is if they are able to see it if they wanted too, or if it's impossible because of biology? It seems like they just can't step into the shoes of a man, but a man can do it easier for them. It feels like it, but it might be wrong. I might be deluded, men may struggle just as hard to do it, I am still figuring it out.

[SamC]

26 minutes ago, evgn said:

I am male and i would say that nobody gives a shit about the struggle of others.. Why they would give a shit?

We are selfish animals.. I think that ugly women are the most screwed up in our society, so i sometimes try to put myself in their shoes and it sucks man, because almost every man even girls are judging you by your appearances.

But hey its just the way it is.. who are we gonna judge about that? Nautre? God? Survival?

 

Yeah it might be the case. Sometimes it feels like they struggle even more though but maybe not. It might be my biases, that's fucking my perception big time and if that's the case, its fine.

It's like they don't understand the game of attraction and theirfor not the struggle cause they don't understand what attracts them themselves. I understand what attracts me... hot girls and because that's more logical I maybe be able to understand the struggles better. ** big maybe** Idk

 

[Leo Gura]

36 minutes ago, SamC said:

I still feel like guys understand their world better tough.. like I get it.  Rape, sexual abuse, fear, heartbroken from players ect.. In many cases its must be a lot lot lot worse.

Incels beg to differ.