When a book makes you realize you were searching for nothing

[Persipnei]

Let me start by introducing me. I'm a 40 year old Belgian who joined this forum more than a year ago, but refrained from posting until today. It was the conspiracy video that got me to login, but this post has nothing to do with that. Let's say, entering this forum, I felt the need to share my story.

All my life I felt lost. I knew I was quite smart, but the world seemed to work on a different level. I was only 8 when I first thought "where are the others like me?". Being an outsider I was bullied in school and although I was clearly capable of university level studies, I quit school on my 18th birthday. My life was one full of drugs to cope with the feeling of being alone.

I searched for answers. Why am I the person I am? Why am I different? I started making a list of my traits, my values, my habits, ... I dabbled in all kinds of practices, read articles about psychology, spirituality, ... And one day, half a year ago, it clicked. I went to an assessment center for autism spectrum disorder on nothing more than a strong hunch and in the following months a lot of things became clear. I have Aspergers...

And now for the funny point of the story. I read a book about Aspergers. Everything I have put on my list, everything that I identified myself with, is mentioned in that book. All those years, I was searching and I finally found the answer. My disorder is the way I see life, but me, I'm actually nothing :-)

Edited October 5, 2020 by Persipnei
I read a book (and added the topic)