Erection Obsession

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

Hi everyone,

• I've always been a very sexual person, and my partners always told me so. I always felt very excited and wanted more and more sex.
• I think I might even be a little obsessed about it, because in my thoughts, I often think about many things/ situations in a sexual way.
• I used to get excited too often just by thoughts or seeing attractive people around.
• Maybe I've been giving sex too much importance. Like it's some sort of decisive thing that will make someone want to be with me or not.

 

I noticed that sometimes, I feared not being capable of erection (specially with casual partners) and, one day it really happened* to me (with someone I already knew and had been having sex for months).

*(The reason it happened is that I wasn't really into it, but for me, it was a failure).

I started obsessing over it and my sex drive now feels drained. But I know it is all coming from my head.

Since then:

• I started checking my body (penis) as if I expected myself to be excited almost everytime I think or see something that would normally trigger my sexual fantasies. If I'm not excited as expected, I feel like I'm uncapable. (consciously, I know that this expectation is just insane!)
• Now when I meet someone new, I always get anxious about the moment we are going to have sex. In my mind, if it doesn't go good, the person won't look back for me.
• Since I started to feel nervous with this fear, it really did happened a couple of times again, making me feel even worse. My worry started to grow bigger.
• When I have sex now, feels like I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm not uncapable. If it goes well, I feel relief. If it goes "wrong" I feel more anxious and even depressed. And again this cycle of proving to myself begins

 

Note: I also had some great sex even between these episodes, but that's not enough to shift away the fear that it can happen again.

I've watched many of leo's videos (how to stop worrying - negative thinking - the illusory nature of thoughts - etc). They made me feel better, but I still feel haunted by the possibility that my fear might just become reality once again. That is just destroying the pleasure and naturality in my sexual life. 

Any opinion? Advice? 

Thanks.

 

[philosogi]

@TRUTH_SEEKER I think this - or some degree of this - is very common. Maybe the next stage of your research could start by questioning whether you can accept if it happens again, and love yourself anyway. Love the fear until the fear no longer has any power. 

Sex and relationships are not the be-all and end-all of life. They flow based on where you are at in your self-actualization. Sex and relationships cannot fill the void within us. The void comes from denying the true nature of reality.