Whatever happened to having a loving healing relationship...with yourself!

[Martin123]

@Thestarguitarist14 makes you think about Leo’s dating advice being super pick-upy.

 

For a guy who talks about divine love all day, this is some confusing stuff.

 

The first rule of relationships is the relationship to yourself, not the chase towards or after sex and dating.

 

Then there’s the porn debate we’ve been having in this sub forum.
 

As if porn was a part of self-love and not a cover up for insecurity. 
 

Im glad you’ve posted this topic here, it’s been missing in this sub forum for a long time! 

[Thestarguitarist14]

11 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Thestarguitarist14 makes you think about Leo’s dating advice being super pick-upy.

 

For a guy who talks about divine love all day, this is some confusing stuff.

 

The first rule of relationships is the relationship to yourself, not the chase towards or after sex and dating.

 

Then there’s the porn debate we’ve been having in this sub forum.
 

As if porn was a part of self-love and not a cover up for insecurity. 
 

Im glad you’ve posted this topic here, it’s been missing in this sub forum for a long time! 

Yeah, especially since he made a video about five years ago ranting against pick up.

 

I believe he sees just how many guys on here are desperate for sex and it appears that he has had the quality relationships that he has desired so I think that is why his advice sounds very pick up artist like.  
 

I wish I had known that.  To be fair, RSD talks about inner game and I have studied rsd a lot, actually have went to the live events (which are actually dope, they go well beyond pick up and more into self improvement).    
 

Most people have it backwards.  They think that if they have a lot of sex or get into a relationship then they will be happy.  You get happy first, then you have sex and get into the relationship.  Then it’s icing on the cake.  This also makes it easier to not be needy.

 

As for porn, I have been looking into that a bit.  I did not jerk off for months, got into a thing with a narcissistic woman, and relapsed.  I have been observing my porn activity and breaking it down and porn is just a big self deception.  Most people who watch a ton of porn are sad or bored.

 

Thanks.  I have just been noticing the amount of guys here who call themselves incels.  It is so sad.  And pick up never addresses the deep rooted causes.  Only the symptoms.

Edited October 5, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[Martin123]

7 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Yeah, especially since he made a video about five years ago ranting against pick up.

 

I believe he sees just how many guys on here are desperate for sex and it appears that he has had the quality relationships that he has desired so I think that is why his advice sounds very pick up artist like.  
 

I wish I had known that.  To be fair, RSD talks about inner game and I have studied rsd a lot, actually have went to the live events (which are actually dope, they go well beyond pick up and more into self improvement).    
 

Most people have it backwards.  They think that if they have a lot of sex or get into a relationship then they will be happy.  You get happy first, then you have sex and get into the relationship.  Then it’s icing on the cake.  This also makes it easier to not be needy.

 

As for porn, I have been looking into that a bit.  I did not jerk off for months, got into a thing with a narcissistic woman, and relapsed.  I have been observing my porn activity and breaking it down and porn is just a big self deception.  Most people who watch a ton of porn are sad or bored.

 

Thanks.  I have just been noticing the amount of guys here who call themselves incels.  It is so sad.

I really appreciate what you shared about an unhealthy relationship leading to your relapse to porn, as if porn was a way to cope with n unhealthy relationship.

 

when guys watch prom what they’re coping with is an unhealthy relationship with themselves. Most of us are knee deep entrenched in a toxic borderline abusive dynamic. Only the toxic abuser lives in our heads, and is abusing our hearts.

 

i think that’s a great teaching a out this type of stuff! Thanks again !  

Edited October 5, 2020 by Martin123

[Preety_India]

@Martin123 I'm copying your stuff into my journal and taking notes. 

 

[Martin123]

17 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Martin123 I'm copying your stuff into my journal and taking notes. 

 

Glad you like it !!!  

[Byun Sean]

9 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

I have already said that I am not against relationships.  In fact, I am not opposed to getting into one.  It’s just that I have dealt with two narcissist back to back.  You know why I did?  It is because I did not love and respect myself enough, particularly the with the first narcissist.  After I saw the same patterns with the second narcissist I shut that down quickly.  

Aight mate. Well you know you best.

Seems like a matter of how much Self-Love you have to me.

 

As for the other guys everyone is on their own journey and has a different amount of Self-Love. One thing I learned is that a lot of people on this forum myself included can be a lot more 'spiritually talented' sometimes than the masses. 

What I mean by this is you can't expect every person to be able to sit down for several hours a day and go full monk like you might want to. Some people just have thicker/ more dense karma to work through that makes it extra difficult for them to meditate. Or they might have some health issues holding them back for instance. It's often an amalgamation of these things and if a guy is thirsty for sex he obviously can't just stop being thirsty for it by deciding not to be. That would be too easy. He might need to fill his lower needs first to be ready to tackle the higher ones.

Edited October 5, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Thestarguitarist14]

22 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

Aight mate. Well you know you best.

Seems like a matter of how much Self-Love you have to me.

 

As for the other guys everyone is on their own journey and has a different amount of Self-Love. One thing I learned is that a lot of people on this forum myself included can be a lot more 'spiritually talented' sometimes than the masses. 

What I mean by this is you can't expect every person to be able to sit down for several hours a day and go full monk like you might want to. Some people just have thicker/ more dense karma to work through that makes it extra difficult for them to meditate. Or they might have some health issues holding them back for instance. It's often an amalgamation of these things and if a guy is thirsty for sex he obviously can't just stop being thirsty for it by deciding not to be. That would be too easy. He might need to fill his lower needs first to be ready to tackle the higher ones.

 It’s not just about spirituality talented.  Anyone can do the real work instead of reaching out for their needs to be met externally because they don’t feel like they can meet them internally.  Most guys just want love anyway.  Most women are not capable of giving it.  Especially the women that you meet while doing pick up.  Sooner or later, everyone learns that they can only depend on themselves for a constant source of love and happiness.

 

Who said go full monk?  That is hard.  But I bet you (especially with the pandemic) that most of the guys who are complaining on this forum aren’t getting laid anyway.  Why not make it easier?  They eliminate their sexual neediness, which in turn would make it easier to get laid.  The sad thing is that guys who are desperate for sex end up in this viscous cycle of staying desperate for sex.  Eventually you have to not care about having sex.

 

Not having sex does nothing harmful to you physically.  Nothing at all.

As for fulfilling their lower needs I just have to wonder what kind of message is that?  We all have this animalistic desire for sex.  But we also can all rise above it.  How?  Through meditation, yoga, shamanic tapping, shadow work, healing, the Sedona Method and etc.  The problem is that most guys (can’t blame them, I was like that too) are only coNCE em about getting laid.  They don’t even realize how empty and sorry their lives are.

[Byun Sean]

@Thestarguitarist14

2 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

As for fulfilling their lower needs I just have to wonder what kind of message is that?  We all have this animalistic desire for sex.  But we also can all rise above it.

Go to a homeless man on the street and talk to him about enlightenment see if he listens to you. Take the same man and give him food, water, and a clean place to live and then see how he responds.

Human beings fulfill needs in a particular order. There are many scientific models of this if you are interested with probably the most popular one being Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Self transcendence is at the very top.

It turns out we fulfill our needs from bottom to top and ending self actualization and self transcendence. 

Everyones at a different spot.

 

You don't scold a 4th grader for not being able to do 7th grade math if you love him and wish for him grow and improve on his own time. You understand you were once in 4th grade too and learning can be difficult sometimes.

Yes, it's fantastic if a kid is in 4th grade and is ready for 7th grade math.

But if he can't do it yet. It's ok isn't it? 

Edited October 6, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Thestarguitarist14]

2 hours ago, Byun Sean said:

@Thestarguitarist14

Go to a homeless man on the street and talk to him about enlightenment see if he listens to you. Take the same man and give him food, water, and a clean place to live and then see how he responds.

Human beings fulfill needs in a particular order. There are many scientific models of this if you are interested with probably the most popular one being Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Self transcendence is at the very top.

It turns out we fulfill our needs from bottom to top and ending self actualization and self transcendence. 

Everyones at a different spot.

 

You don't scold a 4th grader for not being able to do 7th grade math if you love him and wish for him grow and improve on his own time. You understand you were once in 4th grade too and learning can be difficult sometimes.

Yes, it's fantastic if a kid is in 4th grade and is ready for 7th grade math.

But if he can't do it yet. It's ok isn't it? 

Eckart Tolle sat on a park bench for two years...

Obviously the homeless man would have happy in the moment with water, food and shelter.  But his issues are not solved.  All I did was given him an external solution.  There are internal reasons as to why he attracted that situation in the first place.  And if he does not solve that, he will never find long last happiness or peace.

I live in L.A.  I moved out here at age 21 as an actor/filmmaker who played music.  With a year of pick up under my belt.  I lived a low level version of that sex rock and roll lifestyle.  Women galore, any substance that I wanted.  I look back at those times now and see how crazy and empty they were.

 

What I am saying is that there is a much more fulfilling way to go about this.  At the end of the day, we all do things because we desire to feel good.  The problem is that we make that good feeling out to be conditional.  When it does not have to be.  

[NatureB]

The most USEFUL definition of self-love I have heard is "the lack of self-hate." Let go of all the reasons you hate yourself and what is left? The same thing that has always been buzzing under the surface, self-love.

I agree with you OP. My story real quick: I did pickup for two years and simply could not get it to work. I had no idea why I couldn't do it despite having above average social skills and being perceived as "cool" by most people.

To figure out what was holding me back I got heavily into meditation. My plan was to heal whatever emotional roadblocks I had so I could get back out there and be even better, date more women and have lots of sex. Fulfill all of my teenage desires and then some.

In the process of sifting through my emotional 'baggage' I have discovered what was holding me back (guilt, trauma, etc.) But MORE IMPORTANTLY I have started to love myself, and love the process of working on myself. I don't want to get back into pickup any more. It was so fucking meaningless. I'd rather travel the world and meditate and read tbh. Something meaningful, which pickup was not. It always made me feel hollow.

 

I am sharing this story to say that I have experienced something similar to you OP and I have come to a similar conclusion. Self-love is better than fucking a lot of girls. But you can still have both. I plan on banging a ton more girls while coming from a place of self-love. Just self-love comes first.

[Thestarguitarist14]

5 hours ago, NatureB said:

The most USEFUL definition of self-love I have heard is "the lack of self-hate." Let go of all the reasons you hate yourself and what is left? The same thing that has always been buzzing under the surface, self-love.

I agree with you OP. My story real quick: I did pickup for two years and simply could not get it to work. I had no idea why I couldn't do it despite having above average social skills and being perceived as "cool" by most people.

To figure out what was holding me back I got heavily into meditation. My plan was to heal whatever emotional roadblocks I had so I could get back out there and be even better, date more women and have lots of sex. Fulfill all of my teenage desires and then some.

In the process of sifting through my emotional 'baggage' I have discovered what was holding me back (guilt, trauma, etc.) But MORE IMPORTANTLY I have started to love myself, and love the process of working on myself. I don't want to get back into pickup any more. It was so fucking meaningless. I'd rather travel the world and meditate and read tbh. Something meaningful, which pickup was not. It always made me feel hollow.

 

I am sharing this story to say that I have experienced something similar to you OP and I have come to a similar conclusion. Self-love is better than fucking a lot of girls. But you can still have both. I plan on banging a ton more girls while coming from a place of self-love. Just self-love comes first.

Funny, the more you go inwards and love yourself, the less you look for things outside of yourself to feel good.  It is because you don’t need anyone to give you love, approval or validation anymore.

 

Thats the mother fucker about sex and relationships.  The majority of people have so much baggage that they subconscious are projecting that whenever they go for those things.  That is what being needy is.

The best place is when you love yourself so much (which is attractive) and the woman is just an amplification of your self love.

[Byun Sean]

@Thestarguitarist14

Your grave mistake is thinking that there is a "happily ever after" to life which is enlightenment and that anyone not pursuing enlightenment is not fulfilling themselves properly.

When you really awaken you will realize that all issues were imagined and fabricated by the ego and that you never had any issues in your entire life to begin with. 

Does this mean you can't make your life better? Of course not. You can make your life a lot better. 

It's just that you as God want to experience all of life. The good and the bad. The high and the low and everything in between. So suffering and ignorance is not a bad thing.

You incarnated to experience every type of suffering there is! On a soul level this is your greatest joy. Exploring all of yourself.

 

But of course you need a radical shift in consciousness to understand what I'm saying. 

For your own practical use, you may find that people won't respect or seek you out as a teacher to help them change until you counterintuitively accept them as they are without needing them to change.

For whatever reason you seem to have an egoic agenda against people who don't live life your way.

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

6 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

@Thestarguitarist14

Your grave mistake is thinking that there is a "happily ever after" to life which is enlightenment and that anyone not pursuing enlightenment is not fulfilling themselves properly.

When you really awaken you will realize that all issues were imagined and fabricated by the ego and that you never had any issues in your entire life to begin with. 

Does this mean you can't make your life better? Of course not. You can make your life a lot better. 

It's just that you as God want to experience all of life. The good and the bad. The high and the low and everything in between. So suffering and ignorance is not a bad thing.

You incarnated to experience every type of suffering there is! On a soul level this is your greatest joy. Exploring all of yourself.

 

But of course you need a radical shift in consciousness to understand what I'm saying. 

For your own practical use, you may find that people won't respect or seek you out as a teacher to help them change until you counterintuitively accept them as they are without needing them to change.

For whatever reason you seem to have an egoic agenda against people who don't live life your way.

 

Ha!  Dude you have one Incredible ego.  
 

It does not matter what you think I am.  It only matters what I think I am.  I have already had my first awakening.

 

You just cannot handle someone rocking your beliefs.  Too bad.

[Byun Sean]

@Thestarguitarist14

Do whatever you want mate only offering my perspective

[Thestarguitarist14]

6 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

@Thestarguitarist14

Do whatever you want mate only offering my perspective

It is a good thing I don’t t give a damn what you think, mate.

[evgn]

I know all these things not just intelectually but from experiance, however i am still looking for these things to band aid the feeling of emptiness..

[Thestarguitarist14]

3 hours ago, evgn said:

I know all these things not just intelectually but from experiance, however i am still looking for these things to band aid the feeling of emptiness..

It is interesting that you say that.  The deeper that I go into myself through meditation, contemplation and looking at these desires, the less I care about dating or meeting a woman.  The strong sex drive is still there.  But I hade lost interest in chasing.  I was chasing to fill that emptiness.