Help to young men struggling with dating AMA

[Globalcollective]

34 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

@ColeMC01 Looking good is of course an important factor. Rather than focusing on the content, look at the structure: What does constitute his being other than him looking good? You can look 10/10 and still be socially uncalibrated & awkward (through believing negative thoughts about yourself for example).

Thanks ? 

 

2 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

I have a friend who looks very good and he doesnt do shit and girls like him. So this mindset of "looks dont matter bro" is complete bs

@ColeMC01 Your missing the point, there is deeper stuff going on here. Im prob above average in looks but can dress up as a tramp and still I don't have to do shit to get girls, I even recorded it. Its how relaxed your energy, women can smell neediness and also tell if your in abundance or not. Yes his looks prob get him an in. Having a negative self defeatist attitude is  will put women off work on fixing that. Stop looking to other people and how they do and focus on fixing yourself. 

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective You might look better than you think. Also if you talk to 50 girls and 1 likes you then it makes sense. My friend gets attraction by like 1/3 girls he talks to by just doing shit so if you have the same ratio then okay. If you have 1/50 ratio then that is nothing special. I get that too but talking to 100 girls to get 2, well fuck that. I would like to have a 1/5 ratio or something. So every 5 girls i talk to, 1 is attracted to me

[Globalcollective]

12 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Globalcollective You might look better than you think. Also if you talk to 50 girls and 1 likes you then it makes sense. My friend gets attraction by like 1/3 girls he talks to by just doing shit so if you have the same ratio then okay. If you have 1/50 ratio then that is nothing special. I get that too but talking to 100 girls to get 2, well fuck that. I would like to have a 1/5 ratio or something. So every 5 girls i talk to, 1 is attracted to me

@ColeMC01 yes when you get good at game the 1/3 is the exact ratio to expect. Its pretty much well know across the board among people who have done it for a long time. One third will love you, one third will be on the fence and one third just won't like you at all. Recently I've been on a run and feels like 75% of the girls I talk to something could happen but i haven't needed to approach ive ended up talking to girls when I'm out naturally, I have a very social job and meet alot of them that way too. this wont last, you go on runs and have dry spells ect. Your attitude is all wrong, when starting out you should expect 1 in 50 to 100 maybe more but how else are you ment to improve? I all most killed myself with effort to get good at this when I was younger. Working long hours and going out everday. Sometimes in life you have to take this into your own hands and do whatever it takes. Be humble and acept the level your at, forget everyone else and work your way up. And your missing something too, doing this will eventually be very fun. When you get good at it it eventually looses its magic so enjoy the ride.

11 hours ago, dflores321 said:

Does the anxiety ever go away eventually when it comes to talking to hot girls? 

Kind of you go through stages its never a clear cut thing. As you build momentum it goes away, but that dosent mean to say it can't come back. Except anxiety tho as you can still make it work with it

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective That is the case if you are an average  looking guy. My friend is more logical, less humorous and more serious than me and he still gets that ratio because of his looks. I am not saying that game is useless, it certainty can get you what you said. However, saying game is only thing that matters and denying importance of looks is just stupid in my opinion. It is like saying you can be rich through stocks but you also can be rich through inheritance. Stocks would be game and inheritance would be looks. And honestly none of the guys i know that are good with girls had to talk to fucking 5000 girls, that shit is overkill and should be done only by people with HORRIBLE social skills. My social skills are not bad so i think 1000 would be more than enough

[Globalcollective]

2 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Globalcollective That is the case if you are an average  looking guy. My friend is more logical, less humorous and more serious than me and he still gets that ratio because of his looks. I am not saying that game is useless, it certainty can get you what you said. However, saying game is only thing that matters and denying importance of looks is just stupid in my opinion. It is like saying you can be rich through stocks but you also can be rich through inheritance. Stocks would be game and inheritance would be looks. And honestly none of the guys i know that are good with girls had to talk to fucking 5000 girls, that shit is overkill and should be done only by people with HORRIBLE social skills. My social skills are not bad so i think 1000 would be more than enough

I never said looks dont matter and if I did I said it under a certain context. Yout making this very hard for yourself, learn to drop this whole "Looks" thing. Its just pathetic, you have already admited that you can get good results if you learn game and not only that you say you have good socail skills so you'll get good quick then if so. 

There is something your missing here, this isnt about girls at all, its about being happy and fulfilled with yourself. Where do you think the whole hang up about looks comes from? Might be worth doing some work on healing it. 

I hope you find the love your deep down searching for. Its sad to see young guys now thinking like this. When I was younger i dont remember anyone complaing about the looks thing.

Yeah your right that you don't have to talk to 5000 girls to learn this. 

Edited October 18, 2020 by Globalcollective

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective I didn't care either but when no girl is attracted to you then you start finding reasons explaining it and looks is the one that is pushed most by society. If i was awkward and shy then it would make sense but im fairly social and have no problem making friends. I can talk to attractive girls and see them as normal people, not goddess that need to be worshiped. So if i am okay in these areas without problems BUT no girl ever is attracted to me even though life has made me deal with plenty of them, the looks thing comes into mind.

[Globalcollective]

10 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Globalcollective I didn't care either but when no girl is attracted to you then you start finding reasons explaining it and looks is the one that is pushed most by society. If i was awkward and shy then it would make sense but im fairly social and have no problem making friends. I can talk to attractive girls and see them as normal people, not goddess that need to be worshiped. So if i am okay in these areas without problems BUT no girl ever is attracted to me even though life has made me deal with plenty of them, the looks thing comes into mind.

Ok this interesting. It would definitely be worth getting someone to watch your interactions as we have blind spots and it will be very hard to tell yourself. Maybe get a well trusted dating coach in your country or something to watch you. 

Also something to note if your going after really attractive girls then there are generally harder to get as they have more options. Could your standards be to high possibley? Its ok if they are and thats where u can work your way up by building your value. 

Also when ai first started I couldn't get girls attracted to me maybe some then I slowly I could then eventually i would be going on lots of dates even with some very attractive girls but it would go no where. I would get regected when they got to know me then eventually I learned the missing link which is how to sexually escalate and not be ashamed of expressing my sexuality. Apart from approach anxiety this is the biggest sticking point for most men and really hinders mens dating lifes. So learning how to do that will really transform your dating life. But you have to be honest with yourself people are your mirrors so your clearly doing something wrong if no girl is attracted to you. I know some very ugly people who use to amazing with girls. One of them was called Yad and he pretty much invented daygame or pioneered it and he was very good at it. Ive seen him first hand bring back girls way way out of his league. He sometimes didnt even wash too so if he can do it im sure you cam, and there are countless other examples

Edited October 19, 2020 by Globalcollective

[Chew211]

@Globalcollective

Hey man, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. This weekend, went out to the city to do approaches. Had a date on each day, the second date being an insta-date. In both I was able to just be myself, and the girl I was with was very into me. It had been months since my last first date. 

It really helped to stop having doubts about all the other petty worries like looks, and also to stop comparing myself to other people. My mind was just focused on pushing myself to go do the approaches-- which is a struggle in and of it self, and doesn't need the added weight of negative thoughts. 

Thanks again for starting this thread and giving out practical advice-- it's especially fresh in this sub-forum, which is filled to the brim with arm-chair theorizing by those who seemingly have no skin in the game. 

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective Ok so a description of myself:  decent looking (not good though), fairly intelligent, logical, analytical, a bit shy (not a lot), kind, caring, not sexually flirty , a bit serious but can be funny if wanted, good listener, able to effortlessly put myself in other shoes, mature, good at creating rapport and comfort, not very bold or daring, very humble, honest, trustworthy, not edgy, not physical, good eye contact, playful and good at verbal teasing, 

And no i am not talking about hot girls, just decent looking girls

Edited October 19, 2020 by ColeMC01

[Globalcollective]

22 hours ago, Chew211 said:

@Globalcollective

Hey man, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. This weekend, went out to the city to do approaches. Had a date on each day, the second date being an insta-date. In both I was able to just be myself, and the girl I was with was very into me. It had been months since my last first date. 

It really helped to stop having doubts about all the other petty worries like looks, and also to stop comparing myself to other people. My mind was just focused on pushing myself to go do the approaches-- which is a struggle in and of it self, and doesn't need the added weight of negative thoughts. 

Thanks again for starting this thread and giving out practical advice-- it's especially fresh in this sub-forum, which is filled to the brim with arm-chair theorizing by those who seemingly have no skin in the game. 

@Chew211 Wow man thats what I like to hear thats amazing. I think a lot of guys can take inspiration from this. You have grown out of the looks matter mindset and started to see results. Keep going like that you will grow a lot. 

Very true we must never compare ourself to other people you can never win that game. Whats crazy is too that women love to love the guy they are seeing and out him on a pedestal, its literally ours to lose. When I started getting girls I was shocked at how obsessed they would become over me and how all this negative beliefs were just not true. My pleasure man keep going. @ColeMC01 should take note 

[Globalcollective]

7 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Globalcollective Ok so a description of myself:  decent looking (not good though), fairly intelligent, logical, analytical, a bit shy (not a lot), kind, caring, not sexually flirty , a bit serious but can be funny if wanted, good listener, able to effortlessly put myself in other shoes, mature, good at creating rapport and comfort, not very bold or daring, very humble, honest, trustworthy, not edgy, not physical, good eye contact, playful and good at verbal teasing, 

And no i am not talking about hot girls, just decent looking girls

@ColeMC01 Ok cool so this is a good start, be willing to accept tho you might be wrong about how you are coming across. Quicker you do that the quicker you can improve. Im not saying your not telling the truth its just we can blind ourselfs so it would be worth getting someone to watch you infield for sure.  If you are doing everything your saying there will definitely be girls attracted to you. 

Going by what you are saying it dose seem like sexual escalation is your missing link, don't forget all relationships are founded around sex, its the base you build on and teasing and stuff like that is good but you actually need to lead it into a sexual encounter. 

[ColeMC01]

@Globalcollective I can tease and make jokes but it is not really sexual. I do look in a sexual way but that is it. I do not really touch or make anything sexual comments

[Globalcollective]

10 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Globalcollective I can tease and make jokes but it is not really sexual. I do look in a sexual way but that is it. I do not really touch or make anything sexual comments

@ColeMC01 Ok cool, so what you wanna do from here is develop a strong base where you can hold conversations without having massive fluctuations in your emotions, and able to build some attraction with confidence and some teasing and joking. From there you want to start adding in touching and learning how to escalate. 

How it basically works is that if you show traits of being a lover not a provider the way the women interacts with you will shift and she will be open to sleeping with you and being dirty where as if your more on the provider end of the spectrum which most guys are she will qualify you and make you wait and hide the fact she likes sex ect. So basically you have to learn how to make that shift from provider to lover. 

[Loving Radiance]

5 hours ago, Globalcollective said:

massive fluctuations in your emotions

You mean due to being invested too much?

Is this advice applicable to every guy?

[Globalcollective]

On 20/10/2020 at 4:36 PM, Loving Radiance said:

You mean due to being invested too much?

Is this advice applicable to every guy?

@Loving Radiance Yeah it defo dose not help you if you have this, its pretty common as when a beautiful women starts showing interest in you, your brain and reproductive system will explode into overdrive so having more and more experiences you start to settle. Your more likely to mess up, tho u can still pull with this so don't let it stop you. Meditation helps of course 

[Globalcollective]

4 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

Even Ron Burgundy had his brain and reproductive system exploding into overdrive from time to time, it’s normal

 

Ron is an insperation to us all, he is kind of a big deal. People know him